KP: City of Smack
by DUrza9178
Summary: A KP & M:tG Crossover where Drakken's invention creates a portal that transports Kim and Ron onto Ravnica, City of Guilds. 101408 Update: I realize the last two chapters were crud and threw them away. Bear with me
1. Pilot

The bell rang out to signify the end of another day in Middleton High. The groups of seniors and juniors who heard the clanging flooded its halls as they casually drifted towards the main doors. In the rushing flow of this human traffic, two girls by the lockers stood, talking to each other.

"Seven days, and counting. This is the longest I've gone steady with anyone, Monique." uttered the first, a redhead.

She needed no elaborate introduction for most of you. She was **Kim Possible**, the girl who claimed to be able to do anything from age twelve. In high school life, she has achieved a lot of things, saved the world dozens of times and was still able to juggle her personal life. The only thing that didn't appear in Kim's "success list" was to get a good boyfriend, a match made in heaven. Until recently…

"Hush up, girl! You're making it sound like a videotape curse." cried Monique. "Besides, doesn't that mean something: like you've found the right guy at last?"

You see, it has been a week since the Senior Prom and the events which involved the near world conquest of Kim's archnemesis Dr. Drakken. The good "doctor" stole plans for the creation of "smart metal", which can be manipulated through special waves. For his plan to be successful though, Drakken had to keep Kim from spoiling his fun. From this he made a boyfriend to distract and, at the right time, kill the teen hero.

One little hiccup kept Drakken's foolproof plan from achieving fruition: Ron Stoppable. With much convincing, he and Kim defeated the good doctor and saved the world. From this grandiose event did Ron confess his love to his longtime friend, and they were officially "steady" as of the rest of the prom.

"It's just that, all my life I have dreamed of being with my one true love. And now that I've had him, I'm beginning to doubt whether it's another pointless crush like countless others."

"You mean the kiss you did last week didn't mean anything?"

"It was a prom, Monique. We were all lost in the moment."

"Well you know what they say, girl: 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder'. Maybe if you guys didn't hang out for like, a couple of days, you'll know if he's the right one."

"Hey, you're right. How can I thank you, Monique?'

"Thank me later, here he comes now."

Ron's steps were springier since the prom. He tap-danced towards his locker to meet up with the girls.

"Good afternoon, Monique. Hey, Kim." He proceeded to kiss her cheek.

"Nice to see you in a good mood, Ron. Nothing bad in your day so far?" Kim asked.

"Nah. In fact, me and Rufus made sure that my pants didn't fall off this time." He proceeded to lift his jersey to reveal a package-taped waistline.

"Isn't that gonna hurt when you take it off?" asked Monique in surprise.

"A lot. But that's a small price to pay to prevent embarrassment."

Rufus agreed with a pseudo-thumbs up.

"Riiiight. I'll see you later, Kim." Monique gave her friend a wink as she waved both of them goodbye.

"What was that for?" a perplexed Ron asked the teen hero.

"Monique and I got to thinking…" she began to explain.

"Are you 'coming out' and seeing some chick behind my back?" he exclaimed.

"NO! It's not that. It's just that, we've been steady for quite a while and I'm beginning to doubt if ultimately, it should be us."

Ron looked at her and stood silent.

"I understand. Heck, we've both dabbled with many crushes and all of them didn't last long."

"I'm glad you see it my way, Ron. Anyway, we got into thinking that maybe we should go our separate ways for a while…"

"Are you freakin' kidding? What about your missions, Kim? Not to mention the empty seat during Naco night?

"Isn't Felix available?"

"Yeeeeeah, but it just wouldn't be the same…"

Suddenly, the familiar sound of her Kimmunicator began to beep.

"What up, Wade?" Kim said to the chubby boy in the other end of the line.

"Kim, you've got a hit from Gene the Game Guy of the Middleton hobby store."

"Wade, if this doesn't involve high tech plans being stolen count me out."

"Okay, but it's still worth checking out. Gene might give you some freebies."

"You know I'm not a hardcore gamer-"

"But I am." Ron snatched the device. "We are so there, Wade. Over and out!"

"Over and out?" Kim asked sarcastically, as if stung by the Ray Romano bug.

"Meh, nothing beats a classic."

* * *

"Hey, Kim. Glad to see you. It's been ages since a celebrity visited my shop." Said the mellow Gene as Kim and Ron walked to the counter.

"I'm a regular patron, plus I'm Kim's sidekick. Don't I count?" Ron whined.

"I don't remember you being level fifty or over in _Everlot_, Ron. But I digress, here's the latest issue of The Fearless Ferret" the man handed Ron his comic.

"I didn't know you collected those." Kim stared in bewilderment.

"I shouldn't. They jumped the shark two years ago when some guy called Mike Drigie replaced the faved artist. I'm doing this 'coz I'm a loyal fan." He joyfully smiled.

"Whatever. Any reason why you called, Gene?"

A guy with a semi-bald hairstyle walked to the counter with five brown boosters packs, eyeing Kim and Ron with suspicion.

"That'll be fifteen bucks." Said Gene as the guy flashed a twenty. He eagerly went to the nearest table to crack them open.

"Anyways, two guys came here hours ago and stole my entire supply of the Ravnica block."

"The what?" she asked.

"Magic Cards. I would have handled them myself, but the green chick's hands were scorching."

"Shego, 'that female gorilla in the green bikini'" Ron began to narrate.

"That means Drakken has escaped. But why would they steal boxes of cardboard?" Kim pondered.

"Beats me. Either they're serious card players or hardcore larpies. Such lewd outfits". the Game Guy said.

The same semi-bald guy went at the counter with another five boosters. Annoyance painted his face when he palmed another twenty bucks in front of Gene. "Don't worry, the Tech will show up." The game store owner said.

* * *

"Whahaha! Phase two of Operation: Crabby Comeback is complete." The blue-skinned artificer rejoiced in his island den.

"No offence, Dr. D" quipped his accomplice "But why call your new plan 'Crabby Comeback'?"

"The concept is too complicated for you, Shego. But the answer involves a pun, a pun on my last failure."

"The 'Little Diablos'? Told ya they wouldn't work."

"Shut up!" Drakken yelled. "If you think 'smart metal' is cool, you'll be dumbfounded by my latest plan to vanquish Kim Possible." He walked to a cloaked invention. "Behold, Miss Go!" he said as he unveiled it.

"Isn't that the Pan Dimensional Vortex Inducer?" asked the green lady.

"Yes. Technically, I haven't used this gizmo smartly the first time so I'm thinking of using it again."

"So how does our stolen booty fit into your new plan?"

"Originally, I've designed this doo-hickey to create stable black holes. But, with a few minor adjustments I can use the black holes to open pseudo-reality, similar to the cable tv universe. That's where the…"

SCHNOOOOAAAAARK! Erupted a loud snore from his accomplice.

"Shego, you green goon!" he snapped as he jiggled her. "Stop sleeping when I'm explaining!"

"These explanations have been boring since you hired me".

"You coulda told me!" He sighed and then said "But, perhaps I can demonstrate how Phase Three works."

Taking a brown booster from a box, Drakken opened it with his pointed fingers and slipped its contents into a slot in the machine. A few taps of the keyboard and a vortex appeared.

"Nothing's happening." Shego pointed out.

"Patience. The vortex requires a few minutes of warming up to work its magic."

"I'm afraid the show will have to be post-phoned, Dr. Drakken" echoed a familiar voice.

"Kim Possible!" shouted the artificer as he looked towards the source of Kim's voice.

"Don't forget me." said her sidekick.

"Uhhhhhhh" Without looking, Drakken fumbled his pocket and fished out a card. "…and Ron Stoppable, the buffoon! Along with his pet mole rat."

"At least he's trying." Ron told Kim. Rufus erupted from his pocket and agreed.

"Finally. I can have some exercise around here." Shego ignited her gloves and rushed towards the teen heroine.

Kim easily avoided the lunging Shego and jumped on top of the nearest crate. "I can't believe you haven't learned your lesson, Midori madam." She retaliated with a surprise cleaving kick.

Shego caught the falling leg and gave it a twist "And I suppose that trash talking with Japanese is gonna do anything, Kimmie?"

While the two did their usual "quip fighting", Ron was eyeing the Inducer.

"Dude, didn't you use this on us last time?"

"Don't tell me how to run my life, Stoppable! Goons, distract him."

Drakken's goons, confused with the order, obeyed their boss. Armed with their stun batons, they surrounded the blond teen.

"Oh man. This is wrong. I'm suppose to be the distraction." Ron whined as he avoided the goons' blows.

"A few seconds to go until the Vortex Inducer unleashes a peon in the cards".

"Don't bother, you blue oaf." Drakken turned his head towards a middle-aged man clad in a military uniform, eating cookies.

"What the? Who the heck are you? How'd you get here?" exclaimed Drakken.

"Can't you see my nametag? My name is Ed. I walked from the portal minutes ago.

You said you wanted me? My schedule is busy."

Looking at the nametag which stated 'Fascist Art Director', Drakken's eyes lit up "It works, it actually WORKS!" With a grin in his face, he pointed towards the fighting females "Kill the redhead."

With bottled-up aggression, the F.A.D. snarled and dropped the plate of cookies, then leapt like a tiger at Kim. Just when she had her hands full with Shego did this bearded Director clawed at him as if he was possessed. The teen heroine was surprised at the new arrival.

"Kim, NO!" shouted Ron, right before he was attacked by a barrage of monkeys. "GAH, Monkeys!"

"Oooh, how convenient that that booster contained the one thing that can swamp the Bufoon."

Just then, another figure leapt out of the vortex wearing green robes and a silly bowtie.

"Funny, you don't look tough…" Drakken commented at the new arrival.

"I'm not supposed to. I'm Dr. Garfield, the creator of this game." Richard stated sincerely.

"What game?" Drakken asked.

"Um, the cards you stole." Richard answered with annoyance. "I didn't invent this game just so that you can steal it and have actual fist fights about it, you know."

"What do you care, you're just a nerdy mathematician with no plans for world domination."

"Hey, aren't you Drew Lipsky? The guy who left college to seek revenge against his graduated former buddies? Wait 'til Lily hears that I actually met a loser like you. Can I have your autograph?" He pulled a pen and a notepad from his pocket.

Angry, Drakken took a laser pointer and fired at the "creator". Dr. Garfield quickly ducked to avoid it. "I guess not." he said and ran away from the deranged artificer.

Kim fell to the ground back first and threw Ed onto a row of drums. She quickly rose up to avoid a punch from Shego, caught her fist and kabered her to the same pile with a sickening crash.

"Wade!" yelled at her gadget. "How can I beat these two guys at the same time? Shego's small fry, but my punches aren't denting that Director.

"Director? You mean Ed?"

"You know this guy?"

"I dabbled in Magic, Kim. Ed is an infamous art director who gets temporary invulnerability to specific artworks." Wade explained.

"Look at me, Wade. Do I look like a work of art to you?" questioned the teen as she ducked from her two opponents, who collided with each other.

"Yup. Dr. Possible did a good job." He joked.

"Are you gonna help me, or are you gonna make jokes all day?" asked Kim impatiently.

"Sorry, remember the hairpin I asked you to wear?"

Kim fumbled her hair to find the specific one. "This?"

"I want you to stab Ed with it."

"I dunno. Isn't that a bit extreme?"

"That's the only way for the hairpin's effect to work." Wade stressed.

Ed became sober and, taking out his whip, proceeded to smack Kim with it.

"Okay" Kim surrendered to the limitation and with all her might, stabbed Ed in the chest with the accessory. No blood was drawn and a perplexed Ed, still standing, gave a sarcastic "What the heck?"

Immediately, electricity coursed around the Art Director's body making him jerk like a puppet. Before he pulled the pin out, he disintegrated into tiny art director bits, leaving his uniform, beret and whip on the ground.

"Yeesh!" Kim exclaimed at the Ed's remains.

"Good thing you finished him off, Kimmie" Shego said behind Kim's back. "He was ruining my style." She then pitched a ball of green flame towards our heroine.

However, as a response, Kim drew her grappling gun and fired a wireless taser shot onto the fireball. The energy immediately rescinded as the shot cleaved through it and latched on to the green lady. Shego gibbered at the electric shock of the taser shot, which gave enough energy to stun her, and maybe singe a few hairs.

"Impressive Wade." Said an amazed Kim at the disabled warrior.

"I figured you needed a new upgrade on the hairdryer."

"Now, where is Ron?"

"Get 'em off me. Get 'em off me!" cried a much traumatized Ron as the buncha monkeys pounded him with their little hands like pizza. Rufus was seen having a fistfight with one of the mad monks, and it looked like the primate was winning.

Thankfully, Kim snatched one of the goons' stun batons and swatted three monkeys off. One of the primates muttered "Ron, Rufus, aRiyan…" in monkey-speak as it flew to the air and landed headfirst on a table.

Ron began to spring up. "This one is biting my neck!" He pried off the offending monkey and flanged it like a hypochondriac at Dr. Garfield. The mathematician jumped as he struggled to pull it off while avoiding the wrath of Drakken.

Then, the vortex disappeared.

Drakken screeched to a halt and eyed his machine. "What? My vortex inducer needs more inspiration. Shego, get me more ca-"he exclaimed before he was toppled by his teen adversary with a killer spike.

"Using cardboard art to recruit peons. Is that even scientifically possible?" Kim mocked.

"It was a slow year. Besides, I was using science too much and all my attempts fail." Drakken, still slumped to the ground, began to explain

"Then, it came to me in a dream while in prison. The average artist doesn't have the imagination of a child, but he does have the ability to give it solid form." He began to stand. "My updated Vortex Inducer can actually bring an artist's vision to life." He quickly aimed and fired his pointer at Kim, hopefully distracted by his campy acting.

Kim twisted to avoid the deadly blast and disarmed the artificer with a kick. She jumped and landed behind him and twisted his arms. Drakken screamed. "Why don't you draw your own monsters then?"

"Gah! Are you kidding? The Inducer only works on the art of professionals. Thankfully, that nerd Gene had a lot of it in one place. Cheap too.."

"Only because you stole them."

"I prefer the term 'outsourcing', Kim Possi-"

"Hey, what happens if you put a whole box?"

Drakken turned to the source of the voice and saw Ron shoving boxes of cards on the slots with Rufus stepping nimbly on the keyboard, obviously trying to destroy the Vortex Inducer with his now-defunct "Ron Factor".

The blue man immediately broke from Kim's grip and pushed her off. "You buffoon!" he exclaimed and gripped his hair. "My machine can't handle vast quantities of cards in one sitting!"

"What's the worst that could happen?" Ron asked with a lace of naivety.

KABOOOM!

The force of the resulting explosion knocked everyone away. When Kim opened her eyes, another vortex appeared from where the now wrecked Vortex Inducer stood. The only exception was that this wasn't stable, and it began to vacuum everything within reach.

Kim ran to where Ron and Rufus were lying. "Ron, wake up. The vortex is coming right at us!"

Ron immediately scooped up his mole rat and ran with Kim, with no progress "Oh man, this would be so cool if it wasn't gonna kill us".

From the end of his sentence, Shego landed in front of the duo (and Rufus) and blew the torch-like energy from her right fist onto them. Astonished, they broke their traction and screamed as they were carried by the vortex's grip.

"Oh, but it is. Bye, Kimmie!" the green lady waved as her adversary disappeared into the unknown.

"Well done, Shego." A still-groggy Dr. Drakken walked beside his accomplice. "You'll get an extra bonus and a hefty retirement fund, now that my archnemesis is gone forever!" He let out a big hearty victory laugh, when two palms pushed him and the green lady towards the vortex as well. Then the dark hole imploded from reality.

Dr. Garfield dusted his palms "Nuts, I still needed that autograph."

"Hey, you killed the boss." He turned his head to find Drakken's goons glaring at him with their stun batons set to "spear".

He got up to them and said "Anybody wanna watch a movie?"

They looked at each other in confusion. One of them walked forward and answered "Sure why not? It's the end of our shift anyway. We can take the boss's hover cars"

"Cool bananas!" exclaimed the mathematician.

* * *

It was late twilight when Kim gripped her forehead and gave it a good rubbing. That last fall was sure excruciating.

She sat up and saw Ron, still knocked out from that escapade with the vortex. Kim slapped her friend with enough force only to revive him. "Just a few more minutes, Mom" he grumbled.

"Wade, are you there? Pinpoint our location." She ordered her Kimmunicator, but the only response was pure static. Strange.

She then panned around their location and couldn't believe her eyes: they were on a vast wasteland, like the Australian Outback. Close inspection on the horizon however, revealed an endless row of buildings instead of a mountain range. The artificial heights clawed to the white heavens, nary a cloud in the sky. The sun reared its face onto the mass of structures to greet the awakening cityfolk.

The light revealed the ground she stood on. It wasn't composed of sandstone or sand for that matter, but an endless row of bricks similar to the ones you can find in ancient urban areas. And nearby formations surrounding them turned out to be houses, street lights, and local drunks slumped on the sidewalks.

"Where are we?" Ron said as he rose from his slumber. Eyeing Kim, he said "Is this heaven? Are we DEAD? Kim, tell me" and jiggled her.

"Chill, Ron." She brushed him off, annoyed by his overactive imagination. "We're not dead. This place is obviously some European city area. We could be in Montmarte, Paris. Looks like Drakken's portal were a flop after all."

In the cold air of the morning, the nearby houses began to open. Traders let out their wares and produce in front of their shops. An aide walked and swept the sidewalk while some armor-clad man poked a drunk and told him to mosey along.

Kim found this place strange despite its eerie familiarity. She walked to a grocer carrying a box of strange mushrooms. "Excuse me, do you speak English?"

The man was obviously uninterested, but responded nonetheless. "English?" he asked in a rough Eastern European accent. "Miss, the only language we know is Ravnican. But you speak it perfectly well, though."

Ravnican? She thought. Looks like her statement was wrong. Hopefully, Ron never heard their conversa-

"Kim, want some breakfast?" She turned to see Ron eagerly holding French bread and a plate of bacon, eggs and hash. Rufus was already gnawing on the food on another plate on a table.

"How did you cook all that so quickly?" she said, amazed with the spectacle.

"I didn't. I went to a nearby deli. But they didn't accept my cash so I traded my belt for it. Apparently these particular "guys" haven't heard of plastic before."

"No. You didn't."

"Ah, after the dozen of times that happens, I should be getting used to it by now."

"GRUUL RAID!" shouted a man from a window. Upon hearing this, the shaken townsfolk ran inside their houses and locked their windows and doors. A row of armor-clad soldiers slipped from between the buildings and adapted a stance in the middle of the road.

Kim tapped one of them on the shoulders. "Perhaps I can be of help, sir."

"No need, Miss. We are enough to hold off these guys. We wouldn't want you to get hurt."

Taking this as an insult, Kim huffed. "Ron, quit eating and get in position." She then jumped and took her stance in front of the soldiers.

"What's she doing? She's gonna get pounded." remarked one of the troopers.

"Who cares? We aren't protecting the guildless."

Kim ignored these quips and stared at the rumbling horizon. What she saw is enough to frighten anyone.

The raiding party was so unconventional. At the front, deformed and blind brutes charged on the bricked ground. What seemed like green kids and enraged centaurs galloped and skipped along the street, bashing and breaking posts and wares not taken indoors. The biggest creature of all was a colossal snake, pounding the ground with each weave like a needle on thread. A person was seen riding it, shouting some really bad gibberish.

With terror sweat running from her brow, Kim hoped that her cheerleading practice was enough to face threats like these.

As soon as she saw the whites on the snake's eyes, Kim charged to the direction of the nearest brute. Using his legless driver as a platform, she leapt and swung towards the antlers of a centaur. Already aggravated, the horse man blindly swung his club at the strange human dangling on his horned head and accidentally walloped his own face. Kim landed on top of one of the green kids and gave them what-for.

The soldiers saw this chaos within the raiding party as a signal to attack. They ran to the berserkers with singing blades and resonant shouts.

Ron? He's griping under the table, after looking at the enormous serpent with the arrow-like head.

"I am like so afraid of snakes now!" he said to himself. The table where he cowered was turned over by three green kids who sneak from the soldier assault, grinning at their blond victim.

"Ah, goblins!" he shouted, but then stopped. "Wait, you guys are actually real?"

"Very real, Bub." One of these guys said as they flashed their makeshift whacking sticks.

Upon seeing their weapons, Ron and Rufus dived to the nearest produce cart. The teen started lifting melons and flung them at the pointy-eared pests.

The goblins squealed as overripe fruit splattered with painful force on their faces, their sticks providing little defense against the barrage.

"We've got them on the run now, Rufus." said Ron.

They didn't notice the fourth goblin to sneak through the soldier's wave as it quickly scurried onto the back of the cart and knocked out Ron with a homemade blackjack. He was out like a light.

The rider of the giant snake leapt from his mount and scooped up the unconscious Ron and his pet from the cart. "This boy will make an excellent torchpig." He laughed as he landed back on the serpent's neck and rode off to the distance. The goblins latched onto the snake's coils, risking injury from its burrowing.

Kim and the soldiers easily stopped the group from advancing any further. A few of the berserkers are dead, some are unconscious and some have chickened out. A victorious shout erupted from the troops.

"Whoa, Miss. You sure you don't wanna join our legion? We could use a martial artist like you."

"Nah. Anyway, that was no big. I just wanted to show you guys that I can do anything" she said. "C'mon Ron, let's fly."

She turned to the spot where Ron was last seen. "I'm afraid your friend was taken by that Gruul shaman, Miss."

This statement shot through her like a bullet. "My Ron? Taken!"

"That shaman said that he'll be sacrificed as a torch pig. He's a lost cause".

She was devastated. She said she wanted him and her to take their separate ways for a while, not let himself get killed.

But she fought the urge to shed tears. She's all alone in this strange place, Ravnica, but she must find the courage to make it out of here, one way or another. After all, she can do anything, right?

Kim walked to the nearest soldier and asked him "Which way did he go?"


	2. Good Morning, Ravnica!

"What? You serious?" uttered the soldier to our teen heroine's question.

"Sir, he's my best friend. I can't go back home without him". Kim pleaded.

A tough-looking soldier heard their conversation. "Miss, that giant wurm is heading for the direction of the Gruul Clans' meeting place. It'll take you a month to get there by foot, and even then you have to be wary of the various beasts that would stand in your way, not to mention the occasional Rakdos cultist."

Ignoring these new terms, she regained her composure and looked the new soldier in the eye. "You boys don't know who I am, do you? The name's not Miss, it's Kim Possible. If the journey's that dangerous, maybe you guys can lend a hand."

He stood his guard "Well obviously Miss Possible, you're quite new in this district. We Wojek aren't responsible for what happens to you cityfolk, newbie or otherwise."

Impatiently, she pulled the soldier by his chainmail turtleneck. "Listen 'sir', Your sharp swords and numbers don't scare me. I deal with guys like you everyday. If you don't help me by the end of this day, either me or all of you will end up jujitsu-ed."

The soldier was shaken since he realized that her bark was sharp as her bite. "I'm sorry, Miss Possible. But I have no authority over things that could violate our Legion's role. You'll have to take that up to our superior."

"Then you're gonna take me to him." She released her grip and the soldier fell catching his breath.

"Fine choice, ma'am. Fortunately, our fortress is a few miles from here. We expected that assault team to attack it and this was the only open street with a lot of fine things to smash along the way."

"Why would they do that?" she asked.

"Their shamen keep yelling about taking revenge on civilization or something, even though the Guild treaty reincluded them."

"I get it. Basically, those Gruul guys are mindless advocates of random destruction."

"Dang straight." He whistled for the grocer cowering in his shop and gesturing to a produce cart, commanded "Citizen, kindly assist in escorting this young lady to Sunhome."

"Really, you don't have to do that." Kim said.

"We insist." The soldier gave a signal to the others to march. "We wouldn't want you getting shoved on the dirt."

The other troopers snickered at him, clearly the man with superior rank. "Sarge, wait'll the lieutenant hears that you're making out with commoners again." quips one.

"Shut up, private!" he shouted back.

* * *

It took three hours before Rufus revived Ron from his wallop-induced comma. The smelling salts didn't work, slapping his face was ineffective, and he especially had a hard time dousing him in cold water, what with the weaving motion of the wurm. 

Ron opened his eyes to see the mole rat. "Buddy, did we win?" he asked such a stupid question. The answer came from the force of gravity as the wurm dived towards the city's floor, crashing as it sprayed bricks everywhere. Thankfully, the only damage found on him as the serpent rose from the ground was a pile of old concrete dust on his head.

"This was not what I had in mind when I wanted a little spice on the missions."

The blond teen and his pet ceased gripping tightly from one of the wurm's giant scales and looked from its head. The serpent was like a roller coaster with its continuous diving and rising that would have made the average man nauseous. Its rider's yodeling implied that he was enjoying it more than chucking from it. The shaman shouted at Ron's direction in a highland-esque voice that startled him. "Ah, you're finally wake. I'd expect yer little friend to keep waking you up 'til dusk".

Ron asked the imposing man. "Where are we going, man?"

"We're gonna have a little 'luau' back in Skarrg. There'll be a lot of singing, dancing, pigging out on game and torchpigs. And guess what? You're invited!"

"I dunno. Mom said that I better cut down on the porky stuff."

"I don't think you understand me, boy. You're part of the barbecue." The shaman gave a hearty laugh. "Won't the big boss be pleased."

Ron panicked from these words. "Rufus, let's jump for it." and ran to one of the next-to-steep edges of the wurm's head. But the quick force of gravity that followed as the wurm's dived again shook his footing and kept him from escaping.

"I suggest you try and jump when this beast rises, unless you enjoy falling headfirst on the sharp rooftops of this wretched city."

The shaman then took a good look at Ron, a smile erupting from his face. "The name's Ghut Rak, by the way. Not that it would matter. Wahaha!"

The troopers were a mile away from the fortress gates when Kim spotted a reddish dart in the sky.

"What is that thing?" she gestured to the sergeant, who was marching beside the grocer's cart.

Sarge described without looking at the figure. "That, Miss Possible, is a dragon, a rarity in our colossal city. The treaty stated that these critters are too dangerous to have around, so we are ordered to eliminate any dragon spotted."

"What about him, then?"

"Funny story: that beast showed up in the fortress two weeks ago looking for a job. Our leader said that the Legion has no place for dragons. But the messenger golem we got to celebrate the city's deca-millenial anniversary went busted, so he was hired to get news to bring back to HQ."

"I wonder why?" said Kim.

* * *

The reddish dragon swooped through the city's sky like an arrow. His green backscales shined in the sun as he flew. As he cleaved through the clouds, he spotted the Legion's fortress Sunhome, an island in this urban ocean. The dragon carefully landed at the fort's main spire, the office of the Legion's guildmaster. 

The dragon stood on his hind legs, carrying a duffel bag which felt like a small shoulder bag relative to his size. He approached the leader, an angel taller than he, with a hand rummaging the bag's contents. He took out a thick scroll, handed it to her and lowered his jaw to speak:

"That's all the military notes today, Miss F."

"Excellent, Jake." Feather replied to her draconic messenger "Any other news from our fair city?"

"Lemme see: another recruit joined the Izzet league today, there was some ruckus down at Montarte Street, and Szadek's ghost zipped past me from Agyrem to give you this." Jake Long puckered up and gave Feather a wet smooch in the lips.

She slapped him away "Hey, personal space!" She wiped Jake's spit with a towel. "That was the 'kiss of death'. Obviously, that dead vampire wants revenge on what happened two years ago."

"Good thing his club is dead too, he can't do anything about that now." He grinned.

"Maybe so, but we must still be on our guard." Feather unraveled the large scroll to read it.

"So Miss F, when can I join the Legion's fighting squad? I've been hankering for a scrape since I got here." the dragon threw fists in the air as if fighting an invisible enemy.

Without looking up from her reading, Feather gave the dragon a short but sharp reply "No."

"C'mon." he said in an annoying squeal. "Like I said before, I had experience dealing with magical creatures. I know goblins have a strong sense of smell, griffins eat their young, twins are evil..."

"That last statement isn't necessarily true, Jake." Feather looked up from the scroll.

"I know. I was trying to impress you." Sullen, he sat on the floor near one of the table's legs and let out a small blast of incense smoke. The dragon vanished, and in his place appeared a thirteen year-old Amerasian kid with greenish black hair.

"Here I am the mack-daddy dragon from NYC, reduced to a lowly delivery boy."

Feather placed the unfinished scroll onto the table and stared at him. "Jake, I have to be honest with you. You're a good kid. I myself would be honored if one of this city's most feared creatures fought for the Legion in the side of justice, especially one as young as you. But rules are rules."

"Can't you bend the rules just this once, Miss F"?

"It's not that simple. My advisors follow a strict code etched in ancient song. And it clearly states 'No Boros dragons, period.'"

Speak of the devil, an angelic advisor landed in Feather's balcony and approached her desk. "My liege, a strange female human appears in the fort. Awaiting your orders to smite her."

"Don't be so trigger-happy, Belle." Feather told her. "Are you sure she's not asking for a guildmage job?"

Belle replied "She requests a group of men to join her in a rescue party, 'for a friend' she says."

"No doubt another 'save my boyfriend' excuse from the guildless. They know the Orzhov specialize in mercenary missions."

"Shall I tell her your declination, my Liege?"

"No. I'll tell her myself. This way it sticks to the masses. "

* * *

Skarrg the Rage Pits, according to many, is the only place in Ravnica closest to nature. These palatial ruins are situated near a dead volcano, exhausted from energy extraction by Izzet engineers. Despite the dangerous terrain of the Pits given the presence of still-active vents, this wasteland is thriving with vegetation not seen for ten thousand years, and many of the city's wild non-anthropomorphic wildlife have considered it a sanctuary. 

The dusk was approaching, and the sun once again slowly shut its bright eyes from the cityworld. Ghut Rak's wurm gathered its strength and made a dive stronger than the ones it did before. Right before it sank deep underground; he scooped up Ron and Rufus and hopped off at the right time on the Pit's stony soil. One goblin yelped as he joined the wurm, cursing his stupid timing.

"Thanks for the ride, Ghut." Ron began to shake the shaman's hand. "We'll be going now- Run, Rufus!" he dashed away.

"Where do you think yer goin, lad?" Ghut exclaimed as he pulled back Ron by his shirt. The teen took it off and ran like mad away from the ruins and would have gone back to 'civilization', if it weren't for a legless hulk with strong arms which blocked his way.

He took a sharp left turn with the hulk hot on his trail when a vicious lizard-man brandished a salvaged blade in front of him. He outmaneuvered both but ran into more savage Gruul Clanners, obviously impatient from the barbecue's delay, which surrounded him.

Seeing the inevitable, Ron said optimistically "At least this couldn't get any worse."

A goblin came up behind him with a blade, sliced off the packaging tape on his back, pantsed him...

"Nah, not worse." He said.

...and stripped the tape from his skin in one quick motion (Thankfully, he's alright as always).

"Dang it!" he squealed as he rubbed the section where the tape waxed off belly hair.

The Clanners began to chant a song of bloodlust: as this went on, some lizard men and goblins took the struggling teen by the arms. They slung his pants (on his legs) over a long bamboo spit. After tying his wrists on, they carried him over to the main palace ruins to prepare for the main course to be done in the night.

Ron stared at the sun beyond the horizon as Rufus skittered on his chest. With a heavy heart, he said "Take a good look, buddy. This maybe the last sunset we'll ever see."

* * *

"Absolutely not, Miss Possible." Feather's voice echoed in Sunhome's main hall as she spread her palms on the table near Kim. "I will not waste a few good men from the Legion to go after your friend." 

"Please reconsider, Feather." Kim spoke as if she's of an equal rank to the angel. "As I have already told you, I don't know much of this Ravnica place. All I ask is a crack team to help me."

"That's your problem." Feather replied. "Besides, my troops will only follow higher officials of the Legion. What makes you think you can order my troops around?" she gestured to Sarge "The dear Sergeant only followed you through coercion and to sate his human needs." The soldier lowered his head in response.

"First of all," Kim began to list "I know more than ten styles of Kung Fu". She demonstrated them all; landing punches and kicks towards Feather with enough control to keep them from hitting her face.

"Secondly, I'm the captain of our cheerleading squad. I have experience managing people. And thirdly, I have many connections (though they're mostly irrelevant now, since Wade is offline). In short-"

"-She can do anything." interrupted Jake Long, who suddenly appeared in his dragon form and pushed Sarge from where he's standing.

Sarge stood and faced him "Watch it, drag-boy."

"Yo chill, Sarge. I wanted to see if 'The' Kim Possible was roaming the streets of Rav. What's crackilatin', girl?" he waved a clawed hand in Kim's direction.

She awkwardly waved back at the new arrival. "Do...I...know you?"

"Not personally, no. But news of you is very popular in New York, not to mention that my little sister can't stop talking about y-" he was cut short by Sarge's shoving hand.

"Lady Feather, permission to shut the messenger off. He's disrupting the meeting".

"You're not the celebrity here, Sergeant-"

"That's enough, you two." Feather faced Kim once again. "I have to admit that my messenger's statement intrigues me. You claim to be able to do anything?"

Seeing her opportunity, the teen responded "More or less, yes."

"If this is true, I will grant your request. However, you must prove your experience in battle. I challenge you to a showdown."

Kim raised an eyebrow "That's not too bad."

"A fight to the death." the angel added with a grin.

"Gu-wha! You can't be serious." Kim said with alarm, since she recalls that none of her experiences involved fighting to the death.

"Oh, but I am." Feather said matter-of-factly.

"But you're an angel. All you do is fly around singing songs all day."

"Where you come from, yes. But in this city, it is a great honor battling a warrior angel. We're not as messy as the demons and vain as the dragons. No offence, Jake".

"None taken." He replied, then frowned at what the angel said

She realized that this could be added to her list of achievements.

"Okay, I accept your challenge, Feather."

"It is settled, then. The showdown will begin at 2100 hours, in the light of the highest spire's torches. But first, you mortals must be starving. Enter the mess hall, Kim Possible."

She went to the direction of Feather's pointing finger, followed by Sarge. The angel flew out of the nearest window back to her office while Jake stayed where he stood. The dragon watched the teen heroine dissolved in the hustle and bustle of the mess hall, reverting back to his human guise.

* * *

Kim sat alone on a bench by a blazing brazier outside the mess hall. It was an hour before Feather's showdown, and the full moon painted the urban land with a pale glow. The city, with its artificial climate, blew a warm breeze which sent her orange red hair flying. 

"Mind if I join you?" Jake Long popped his head on a window above her in a way that made her jump.

She looked up then lowered her gaze. "Oh, it's you. Sure, you seem tame."

He walked out the door holding a leg of roast beef and sat on the bench with a heavy thud. "Somethin' on your mind? You didn't eat much. These Boros guys had big rations." Jake rended a bite as he stared at the moon.

She didn't look at him as she answered "Nah, it's not that important. I'm just thinking about Ron..."

"Your sidekick? The guy you're always with?" he said in a curious tone.

"He's not just a sidekick anymore, Jake. Ron and I are...making out."

The dragon was disappointed with these words.

"I know how you feel: I lost my love once. I wrote a lot of poems about that." He tried to paw his waist "Wanna hear 'em?"

Surprised, Kim turned to him and said "Um, some other time."

"So, how'd ya end up in this freaky place? Teen heroes don't just fall off the Ravnican sky."

"Dr. Drakken's 'brilliant' invention blew up and dropped us in this place." She explained. "What about you?"

"I was fighting off a bunch of huntsmen when I was hit by an unsummoning spell by mistake. Next thing I know, I'm flat on my face in this New York, squared." He explained in turn, pointing to the ground.

"You said you came from New York: with a bunch of other dragons, no doubt." Kim said sarcastically.

"Actually, I live with my normal human family." He replied "Well, my Dad's certainly normal."

"Wait, hold up." She stood up with disbelief and faced him again. "You're Human? You're clearly a flying firebreathing lizard."

"Oh, this is just one side of me." A puff of incense smoke, and Jake became human again.

Kim's eyes widened at the transformation "You're a kid!"

Annoyed, Jake raised an eyebrow and said "Hey, you're only like five years older than me, Kim. Cut me some slack."

"Whoa. I've seen deformed archaeologists, Cuddle Buddy mutants and wackos in campy costumes, but I wasn't expecting anything like this."

"Dang straight. I came from a long line of dragons charged with protecting the magical creatures in NYC, not so different from your job."

"Yeah, except that magic isn't my strong side. I'm more of a hands-on hero if you know what I mean." She looked back on the moon.

"In my line of work, you'll face magic often." He stood up "So, looking forward to the fight with Miss F?"

"I've faced worse, no biggy." She scoffed. "Thanks for your time, Jake. It's nice to know there's another guy from 'our' world."

"Sweet. Be careful up there."

* * *

The Gruul "luau" became hotter as the night passed. It was accompanied by female shamen, called Cantors, shaking to the melody of the background war chant. Already, three horned beasts bigger than Ron have been roasted into perfection and voraciously stripped off by the various Clanners. A goblin offered him a slice to fatten him up, but he declined. 

The green man cracked a wicked smile "Oh yeh, the biggest brudda of all prefers them lean. He's on a diet."

As if on cue, a loud tremor interrupted the party music. The Gruul faced the horizon where they felt the source. Another, stronger tremor was felt.

"What happening?" frantically shouted Ron.

Ghut Rak turned to him to answer. "Our leader came just in time for the main dish: Roasted Prince." He pointed to Ron "He likes them sizzling from the spit."

The colossus appeared between two empty archways, smashing them with his hammer to knock them out of the way. The Pits' bonfire light made his appearance visible. The hammer appeared to be a tree trunk with a large brick stuck to it, and its wielder was definitely larger than the giants found in the party. The Cyclops stopped and took a closer look on Ron with his one good eye.

"You're making a mistake, Ghut". Ron tried to struggle "I'm no prince, though I do have princely good looks."

"You're by far the best looking morsel I offer to Borborygmos. All the other youths I caught are too gangly or too pus-sy. You should feel honored."

"Now, where did I hear this before?" asked Ron to himself, recalling the sayings of Yori.

"Enough talk. I eat!" Borborygmos shouted and lifted Ron's pole towards the biggest crater in the Pits. The other Clanners cheered as he sated his gut.

A sudden zap of lightning shot to the Cyclops's hand. Astonished, Borborygmos dropped the pole and Ron fell on his seat as it stabbed the ground. The Clanners turned to one of the Cantors, her arms towards the Cyclops.

"What gives, girl? Ah, it hurts!" Borborygmos dropped his hammer as he nursed the stung hand.

"Sut Rak. What's the meaning of this? You know it's rude to stop the boss from eating." The shaman told her.

She ran through the crowd of stunned Clanners and cut off Ron's bonds. "Father, the boss shouldn't eat him. He's clearly one of us."

"I'm one of you guys? That's ridiculous!" Ron retorted as he tried to pull up his pants.

Ghut imposed a question to her daughter "What gave you that idea, lass?"

"I noticed that this boy had befriended a naked mole rat instead of enslaving it. It's an endangered species in this wretched city."

Rufus, sitting by the bonfire, overheard what Sut said and disagreed to the fact that he was endangered with a sharp "Hey!"

"I'm not convinced that he should live to join us, Daughter. Now let the boss have his barbie!" stood Ghut.

Sut Rak continued "Also, while we we're having the 'luau', I sensed great power emanating from him: the ferocity of a baboon, the nimbleness of a monkey and the strength of a gorilla." She mimed the behaviors of each primate to prove her point.

"Oh right, blame my 'Mystical Monkey Powers'."

"Monkey boy sounds more tempting." Borborygmos gave a loud slurp, still holding his hand.

"Stop wasting time, lass."

"Ooookay." She began to think of another excuse, and her face lit up. "But maybe the boss didn't know that he's about to eat something marred by the other guilds!"

With that, Sut unexpectedly pulled Ron's pants and boxers all the way, exposing him in front of everybody. The Clanners gasped at what they saw.

"They cut off his...thingy." remarked one.

"My stumps are bruises compared to that!" cried the legless hulk.

"I almost ate you?" the Cyclops exclaimed.

Ron looked down and quickly pulled himself up. He has never been embarrassed like this in his entire life. "Why'd you do that?" he angrily asked the cantor.

"Relax, I'm saving your life. The boss will never eat mutilated prey such as you."

"Thanks. I feel much safer." Ron said sarcastically.

Ghut looked to the others "Riiight, I bet ye lost yer appetites after that spectacle." He faced Sut. "You win, Lass. The boss will spare the torchpig, but he'll have to join the Scab Clan." He indicated the deformed and mutilated individuals in the crowd.

"Okay, as long as I'm not in the menu." Ron said.

"Now, where were we? Oh yes, keep partying. Bring out the other game!" Ghut ushered the others to bring beasts on spits to the craters while the chants and dancing continued.

* * *

Kim eyed Feather as she hovered from the ground on the opposite end of the spire. It was minutes before the showdown and the braziers lining it gave enough light to illuminate the arena. The angel ordered no audience from the troopers, as they would only distract them. 

"Ready, mortal?" Feather asked.

"I was born ready."

"Prove it." The angel drew out a sword of flame and darted towards her. Kim took Feather's wrist and swung her onto a brazier, almost tipping its fiery contents.

"Not bad," said Feather. "But it'll take more than that to kill me." Feather jumped back and bounced toward her with sword above her head.

Kim caught the blade with her gloved hands. Feather ached to cleave her in two while Kim struggled to pry it out of her hands. Her gloves caught fire as soon as she pulled it away, and then started peeling them off frantically.

"Is that the best you can do, Possible? You forgot my shield." Feather flashed the gold and white equipment towards her, reflecting the radiance of the braziers.

Kim blocked her eyes from the glare as she fished out the hairdryer from her pocket. She shot out a grappling hook on to Feather, which the angel easily dodged.

"You missed."

"Not quite." Kim pulled the hook back, and dragged a brazier onto the unsuspecting angel. Feather banged against it, losing her balance and dropping the polished shield.

"Ever took a faceful of fist, Feather?" Kim ran towards the fallen angel and gave her a hay-maker. Miraculously, Feather took all her blows with her fists, and kicked her in the stomach with her legs, knocking Kim towards the nearest brazier. However, Kim caught the rim of the flaming metal pot and with her agility, leapt very high. She aimed her hair dryer and fired a taser shot toward the angel.

Feather saw the projectile and simply slapped it away in midair. "Very tingly."

Kim dropped back to Feather with a falling ax kick.

Feather took the approaching leg and slammed Kim onto the floor.

"Shoot. Remind me never to do that again." She muttered under her nose.

"You'll die before that happens." Feather rammed her steel boot onto her face, which Kim quickly dodged.

Now it's Feather's turn to do a haymaker. Her feet pounded the ground with a force that made craters onto the floor. The teen heroine rose up and gave the angel a skull bash, enough power to send Feather in a daze, but also gave Kim a splitting headache.

She lowered her legs onto the ground and spotted Feather's flaming sword. Taking the handle, she shook off her dizziness and swung at Feather's head.

The angel ducked, the blade slicing off a few strands of feathers from her helmet. "Kim, the sword's flames aren't what make that weapon important." With a gesture from her hand, the sword flew off of Kim's hands and latched back to Feather's palm. "It's its loyalty to me that does." With her free hand, the angel took the nearest brazier and threw it at her.

Kim caught the flaming pot, which landed on her chest. She was pinned down, unable to move the heavy pot. Kim was a sitting duck for what comes next.

"Ever played football, Kim?" Feather flew up on top and whistled in the starry sky. A group of angels huddled around her, preparing to dogpile Kim.

"I wouldn't consider this honorable, you cheater!" she shouted to Feather.

"Sometimes, you have to risk breaking the rules to ensure victory." With that, she dived towards her with the force of her angelic army.

Kim would have been squashed flat, if Jake didn't flew over and pushed Feather away from the front, which dissipated the heavenly mass back to the sky.

"I thought that was risking to do what is right, Miss F." the dragon corrected the angelic leader.

"Jake, what have you done? I almost had her!" Feather broke from his grip.

"You said it was a fight to the death, alone." He told her. A bleat from a remote trumpeter signaled the end of the showdown.

"Well, since none of us are dead, the results are inconclusive." Feather was disappointed. "Go ahead, lift the brazier and take her to the infirmary." She spread her wings and droopily flapped to the angel barracks.

Jake took the teen heroine, regaining her breathing, on his arms and flew off to the lower parts of the fort.

* * *

"Goooooooood Morning, Ravnica! This is Adi Cro and you're listening to the first broadcast of the Ravnican Network's AC hour. And now for the news- Teteteteteteteteteteteteth-Last night Boros Leader Feather faced newcomer Kim Possible in a one-on-one duel. The result was a tie. Not a scrunchie or a buckle, it was a tie. When asked about the result, Kim replied 'I'm going to bed.' Feather was unavailable for comments 'cause she was waaaaaay up the angel shack when it's over. Next up, the 'Team America' theme" 

The man who looked disturbingly like Robin Williams played the foul-mouthed song in the fort. He claims that he bought the technology from an Izzet artificer specializing in storing sound on wax. "What will they think of next?" he mumbled.

The Ravnican sunrise appeared once again onto the city. With the bleat of the Legion's trumpet, the troopers rose to do their daily laps around the fort. Feather was on the main gate, seeing Kim off.

"I would like to express my apologies, Kim Possible. Despite what happened last night, you fought well, as a warrior should."

"Yeah, I don't specialize in killing people anyway."

"Unfortunately, you're going to have to do what is necessary. This world is a dangerous place; you'll have your work cut out for you as you find your friend."

"You make it sound like a quest." Kim replied.

"I still can't have a group to accompany you, because you never won the showdown."

Jake landed beside the Boros leader to give her the latest military notes. "Guess what: I heard a rumor from the pubs that Szadek's club is run by a new guy."

"That's very nice, Jake. I'll deal with that." She faced the draconic messenger. "I'm just saying farewell to Kim here. Perhaps you'd like to join her?"

Jake's eye lit up "Whoa, you mean it? Work alongside Kim Possible?" He poofed and held the teen heroine's hand.

"I was thinking of giving you a 'dishonorable discharge' for interrupting the duel last night, but I figured you can assist Miss Possible with her new mission. Besides, you proved that you were through to the Boros creed, and this way you can deal with 'magic folk'."

"I promise I will do my best, Kim. Dragon's honor." Jake gave a salute.

"Okay, just don't get in my way." She warned the Amerasian with a wink.

Kim reared his head back to Feather "By the way, who's gonna deliver messages if Jake is with me?"

"With the advent of this Izzet sound technology, news will travel much faster. Don't worry, Adi and his crew will take care of it."

The three each gave a salute, and then Kim and her new (replacement) partner walked from Sunhome.

"I still find it awkward hanging out with a half-dragon." Kim told Jake

"Don't worry, you'll get used to it." He smiled.

Funny, that reminded her of Ron...

**Ravnica Glossary ('coz you're gonna need it)**

**Ravnica** – I'll be using this term to refer to the whole "city world", 'coz Ravnica is literary a city enveloping a world. It's mostly Eastern European influenced (ex. Prague City), but I tend to visualize this place as a mesh of "our" world's awesome cities like Manila, New York, Tokyo, London, etc. (whatever works for you).

**Guildpact** – A document which forged a treaty between the city's rivaling guilds (or clubs). It also outlined the role of each in keeping Ravnica stable. The first Guildpact was magic-enforced and unfair, thus a new normal document was written following the demise of the previous "true" world leader.

**Boros Legion** – An army of soldiers sworn to protect the interests of the Guildpact and its participants. Reckless but disciplined, they are the world's skilled fighters. They're mostly human and angel-based, but they have also let goblins, minotaurs and viashino (lizard men) in their ranks. Currently, they are lead by **Feather**, a warrior angel.

**Gruul Clans **– A group of small clans/houses whose former duty was to preserve the world's nature. With their wilds gone, the Clans swear revenge on the other guilds for making it so. They employ a multitude of humans, goblins, centaurs, viashino and other wild animals tempered by the city's influence. All the clans tend to choose leaders based on size and strength, and the biggest of all is a Cyclops named **Borborygmos**.

**Jake Long** – "He's cool and he's hot like a frozen sun. He's young and he's fast, he's the chosen one." You know, that guy? Half-man, half-dragon? He fell on to Ravnica two weeks before Kim and Ron. He's currently accompanying the teen heroine as she journeys to find Ron. Why call him an "Amerasian"? Because I can:XD:.


	3. Happy Tree Frenzy

Ron raised his eyelids and tried to get up. He was lying on the ground face-down, unable to remember how he ended up in this position in the first place. He felt a large weight pressing down his back "God, I feel like Big Mike is sitting on me" he mumbled.

A loud grunt shook him awake. His eyes wide open, the blond teen realized reality in its fullest (and cruelest). The first thing he saw was a pile of bones, horns, and teeth left from the luau made last night, with the remains of the bonfire emanating its last embers beside it. He then took a peek from the corner of his eye towards his back: a nondescript quadruped was resting its heavy horned head onto his lower half.

He was about to scream at the sight, but immediately slapped his palm on to his soon-to-erupt mouth. Creepy, yes he thought. But yelling will make it worse. He tried to squeeze out of the beast's head, but it was too heavy. Thankfully, it rolled to its side when it felt the first rays of the city's dawn.

Ron carefully rose up and dusted himself of the soot and caked earth. He remembered he was still shirtless, and bet Ghut Rak was using his mission top as a pelt or something, being the savage that he was. It won't matter, he's gonna need to be light to make his escape.

Thankfully, the Gruul Clanners around him were still slumped on the ground, petered out from last night. He spotted Rufus sleeping beside a broken column. Ron pulled him by the skin of his neck and placed him on one of his pockets. Rufus jumped awake. "Ssh, we're gonna get outta here. Kim could be worried sick!" Ron whispered.

He took a step out the ruined archway, two steps for every audible grunt or snore he heard. By the three-hundred-forty-seventh one, they were clear off the Palace ruins and started to run for "civilization".

"Good Morning." Ron stopped on his tracks. He turned to his right to see Sut Rak washing her painted face on a nearby stream.

"Oh Sut, I didn't see you there." Ron feigned a grin at the Cantor, who obviously didn't wear a nightgown to bed. He stated an excuse to get away "I was just on my way out to get some breakfast. You know; hunter's stuff."

"You don't have to lie, Ron. Father took a group out to hunt earlier. You should see them in an hour."

"Sut, I know you meant well last night when you said that I'm one of you guys. Still embarrassed from the 'full monty', though. But just for the record, I'm not exactly what you'd call 'Gruul material'. I can't rough it in the wilderness and I still deeply resent monkeys."

"But what about your 'mystical monkey powers'? Judging by the time since you were first exposed by them, you should be in tune with them by now."

"Long story short, I haven't gotten around to it, okay. We'll be going now." He turned to leave.

The Cantor pulled back her hair and stepped towards Ron. He heard her footsteps and ran, but she was too quick. Sut overtook Ron and pinned him to the ground "I suspect that something in your life is keeping you from harnessing your inner strength, Ron."

Dang, she's very nosy for a savage, he thought. Either that or flirty. But what the heck, no one's around.

He tried to think and escape from her lock "Uh, sure. Lots of things: My mom, school, Mr. Barkin, my heritage, KP..."

"Kei-Pi? What's that? Your dog?"

"No, no, KP. She's a girl, my friend. My girlfriend now."

Sut was disappointed with the news, but she continued to say "I'd expect your mate to be proud of your powers."

"It was a secret. Only me, a mad monkey man, and Rufus have it. If I told her about it, she'd say it's bogus and call me a freak, like Monkey Freak. I bet she'd call me a freak now if she saw you doing this." he looked at Sut. "She's prone to jelling."

"My friend, that's no reason to hide your strength." She released him from her lockdown. "We, your new adopted family, can help you continue your training."

"You kiddin'?" He stood up. "I did my training once, and I realize I couldn't catch a meal with a pair of chopsticks. Face it, Sut: I'm a lost cause. " He turned his back and walked away sighing.

Sut took a chunk of rubble and threw it at Ron's head. As if he had back eyes, he caught the chunk and angrily faced the Cantor. "That could have killed me!"

"And yet you saw it coming." Sut nodded. "Not every Gruul can do that."

Ron thought about this for a moment while looking at the stone. "Hey, you're right. Maybe I can stay here for a few days. You know, until I'm at least an adept in Monkey Kung Fu instead of just letting it out in large chaotic doses."

Rufus got out of his pocket and voiced his agreement who took a stick. But Ron looked at the Molerat. "Oh no, you're not gonna show me off this time."

"That's the spirit, man." She clapped her hands rapidly. "And before you know it, you can catch a meal not with two sticks, but one."

"I…don't get it." He scratched his head.

"It'll be a spear." Sut added.

He recoiled from the idea, but liked it for the potential excitement nonetheless.

"So, when do we start?"

"That thing with the rubble was a warm-up test. The rest of your training will be directed by me and my Father. I'll tell him when he comes back."

"Boo-yah! Wait'll KP sees me now."

* * *

There haven't been any serious dangers since the new duo left the fortress Sunhome. Sure, a few drunks on the street may have hounded them for coins and the lizard pets of some grocers were eyeing them suspiciously, but nothing life-threatening. Kim and Jake were just exchanging more stories about their lives. 

"You think you got problems? I bet my little sis can rival your little bros. She got her dragon powers at an earlier age than me."

"Hm. You know what they say, girls mature faster than boys."

"Ugh! No matter how many times I hear that, I just can't bear it."

"Yeah, well I'm way past that phase. As long as you're useful, that's what I say." She spotted a clothing shop. "Speaking of which, hand me your wallet."

"Say what?" he snapped. "Do you know how much Feather pays me? Besides, these are for food in case rations run out."

"That's important, but I can't rescue Ron looking like this. I've had these on for two days and I need something to suit this city."

Jake sighed and scowled. "Fine." He fished out his wallet, which Kim yoinked off.

"Please and thank you." She smiled and rushed to the boutique. "It's no Club Banana, but it'll have to do."

He took a seat beside the shop "Great. This is the first time a girl snatches my cash, and she's not even Rose."

A tall elf holding a banner was walking by when she happened upon the Amerasian. She rested her staff in front of him, crouched down and spoke in an orator's tone.

"Boy, do you feel troubled by this city? Does its hustle and bustle make you feel lost and confused? Have you ever thought of leaving this maddening squalor?"

Jake looked at the elf's face. "Lady, even if I did wanna get out of this place I won't be asking for your help. I've had experience with guys like you back at NYC."

"Suit yourself, Human." She stood up and walked to find a more willing audience.

After she left, a brown-haired guy with a bad cowlick, much worse than Ron's anyway, came from her direction. He was wearing glasses; oddly, casual clothing found back home and carried a silver notepad which sported a triangular shape.

He turned towards Jake and gave him a disgusted look. "I can't believe you're still here, dragonboy."

"What? What did I do?" he stood up.

"You know the rules: tame beasts, including all dragons except the Izzet guildmaster, must have proper permit issued to their master before being allowed on the streets. And they must also be on a leash as prescribed by the Leash Laws."

"I ain't no dog, dawg." Jake raised an eyebrow to the guy.

"You'd have to be with that lifestyle, **dawg**." The guy raised an eyebrow in response.

Kim walked out of the boutique with a content smile on her face as she carried an olive-green backpack. She was wearing a skimpier version of her mission clothes, with shorter pants and a tighter top (no offense, ladies).

"Don't worry Jake, there's still some left over." She threw him back his wallet.

He faced her like he was about to have a nosebleed, and then eyed the bag "Dang, I don't remember you with that."

"It came free with all the clothes I bought. Could you believe how cheap these were?"

The bespectacled guy stared at Kim's direction "Oh, who is this vision of loveliness that doth walk the filthy cobble-stoned streets of Rav?" He approached her, took a bow and kissed her hand. "Kim Possible, is it not?"

She gasped when he mentioned her name. "News does travel fast."

"Actually, I've known you for more than two years now. I have always followed your exploits, but I'd never expect you to be in this fair city."

"I hate to break it to you buddy, but she's with me." Jake tapped the man on his shoulder.

"Eh?" He turned to face the Amerasian, and then zipped back to the teen heroine. "You're escorted by this kid? So sorry, Kim, I was just telling him that he needs a permit to walk these streets."

"Jake's no dog."

"That's what I've been telling him." Cried Jake

Unperturbed, he continued. "But seeing as how he's accompanying the great Kim Possible, I'll let this thing slip by. By the way, where's Ron the man?"

"We're supposed to find him. Some man on a giant snake took him away." she answered.

"You mean the Gruul?" the guy raised an eyebrow. "Bloody savages; don't know why Leonos placed them back in the treaty." His eyes then lit up. "Wait, maybe I and my fellow artists can help you."

She shook her head in disbelief "Thanks, but I don't see why a bunch of painters can assist in rescuing Ro…"

"Nonsense, Kim. We are more than just people who paint. We travel between worlds soaking up the beauty and splendor for inspiration." He took out a pen and began to scribble furiously onto the notepad. "Behold!" He pulled out an actual Uzi from the paper which he pointed at the Amerasian, his tongue sticking out as if he wished to blow his head off.

"Yo, be careful with that." Jake broke into sweat.

He faced her again. "We artists are also blessed with the ability to create reality. Some of us have decided to work for the guilds while adapting to their philosophies, but every week we gather for a meeting in Phrav. It's way over there." He turned and pointed beyond the urban horizon above the boutique.

"Oh yeah, just for the record, my name is…"

When he looked back to where Kim and Jake were, they vanished. "She's gone." He took a look at his hand "And **he** took my Uzi!" he yelled.

* * *

The hunters' return was not invited with celebration like last night. They knew that today was business. A centaur proceeded to lift the fourth captured Gristleback into the smoldering crater to burn off the bristly hide. One of the lizard men plucked one of his scales off and sliced a chunk of a newly de-haired porcine carcass, ready to be grilled or stewed. Three goblins dropped nicked produce whole into a stolen cauldron, already bored with their traditional "rock" soup recipe. 

Ron reluctantly took a bite off the Gristleback meat over a lone crater. He had to disobey his traditions to survive the Pits. Rufus on the other hand, was careful not to stray too far or the green oafs might place him in their stew, instead taking refuge in a surprisingly intact aviary while trying to get a few more winks.

An arm shot out and grabbed Ron by the shoulder. He was unwittingly spun towards the other end of the arm. Ghut Rak's pelt, which happened to be Ron's shirt, fluttered to the ash-peppered air.

"Oh hey, I was lookin' for that..."

"Sit down, Boy." The shaman pushed him back onto his seat. He took a whiff of his top. "Ye won't be needing this where ye'll be going. Besides, it makes a great sweat rag." He proceeded to lift his cap and wiped his brow.

Ron recoiled from Ghut. "Ew. Too much information, dude."

He began to recite "Now, my daughter told me something funny while I was havin' my stolen omelet. She said that ye want to develop yer 'potential', as she calls it. Is this true?" He pushed his menacing staff, skull-first, onto the blond teen's neck.

"Uh-huh!" Ron's confirmation barely crept out of his mouth.

Ghut neared him "Sut requested me and her to be yer personal trainers. Now, even though I am the Clan's main shaman, I think I have the time to see you work it out. The question is: Are ye up to it, lad?" He raised the staff, lifting Ron's head with it and let him stand on his toes.

Ron tried to respond to Ghut's question, but the bone staff only made him mumble.

"What? Speak up!"

Ron pushed the staff away. "Yes, yes: If not for me, then for the safety of Kim and our children!"

Everyone in the Pits ceased what they were doing and stared at the shaken teen.

He tried to stifle his laugh. "Hehe, did I just say that out loud?"

Ghut was second in breaking the silence "Aye, lad. And let me tell ye...that was the most honorable thing I've heard this morning!" He gave Ron a bearhug "You know fer a Scabber yur not that bad, Boy."

Ron tried to get out of this show of affection "Gah, personal space."

The shaman released Ron from the tight grip, enabling him to catch his breath. "The Pits are too messy to be your training grounds though, boy. We'll both move toward an abandoned spire, waaay over the east. It's barren enough without those cityfolk snooping around, plus the altitude will be good fer yer lungs."

"No prob. We can hitch a ride in your giant snake, Ghut."

The shaman raised an eyebrow toward Ron. "Oh no, lad. You won't be taking the easy way out. Yer here to train so ye'll have to walk from this place to the spire."

"What? That's like a million miles from here"

"Don't exaggerate. It'll only take ye two days. Now wake the mole rat. Yer wasting valuable daylight." Ghut tapped the ground and his Wurm erupted from the Undercity.

"Awwww man." Ron groaned as the shaman leapt to the Wurm's back as it plunged back to the ground.

"Don't worry. I will be with you along the way." Sut suddenly appeared and landed beside Ron.

"Father was able to travel by foot from Skarrg to the spire and back five times a day when he was younger."

"I bet can't do that anymore now that he has that worm, whatever you call that."

"Nah. He can only do it three times now, but the wurm's just there to wreck the buildings in the way. Besides, he'd consider it an honor-"

"Walking along in his footsteps. Yeah yeah, Geez, this is no different from Yamanouchi." Ron went to the aviary to rouse his mole rat.

* * *

A couple of zips and turns along the labyrinthine city streets and the draconic Jake was able to lose the guy. The nearby cityfolk were surprised when a red dart began flapping past them, so close to the ground. 

Kim, who was carried along Jake's right shoulder, was astonished at his behavior. "Jake, why did you that? He was offering to help."

"Yo, in case you didn't notice he was pointing a gun square at my face. I had no choice but to fly. Besides, I don't trust him. He's basically offering you to this place's cutthroats on a silver platter with that loud speech." He twirled the nicked Uzi in his talon with smile in his face. "I hope his gun's just as good."

"Okay, I see your point. I think we've lost him now. Put me down".

Jake landed on an open plaza with a blast of smoke which meant that he reverted to his human form. He collapsed from the weight of the teen heroine and her bag.

"That wore me out. Let me lie here for a while." Jake wheezed. He then gasped at the thing in front of him. Kim turned to where he was looking "What? They're just a pair of stone pillars, no biggie."

"They're more than just pillars, young lady."

They both faced the direction of the voice. They spotted another person, not the artist, but a guy with a wide brimmed straw hat and bandaged eyes, sitting on a table drinking tea.

"Those are the famous monoliths which show the sigils of the ten guilds who have signed the Guildpact more than ten thousand years ago. Why, just two years ago the city celebrated its decamillenial anniversary in this plaza. What a turn out it was!"

"Of course, with House Dimir away, there are only nine symbols carved onto the pillars I presume."

Sure enough, Kim spotted the symbol of the flaming fist which stood for the Boros Legion, the same found to the left of Jake's chest. She also saw the mark of the burning tree, which was tattooed on one of the Clanners she fought. The other symbols she saw were a culling sun, a grotesque circle, a tree of unity, the outline of a dragon, a wave and tree hybrid, a burning skull and the Azorius's bureaucratic triangle that was embossed on that artist's notepad.

"By the way, young lady," he took another sip from his cup. "Don't fret about your friend; the Gruul aren't all bad once you get to know them."

She sat beside the bandaged man. "How'd you know all this?"

He poured another cup and offered it to her. And without facing Kim, he said "I was born without physical sight. But what I lack, I make up for with what most people in this city rarely see."

A sudden tremor shook the plaza. Jake straightened up. "Earthquake!"

The pillars didn't rock with the tremor, but a part of it began to feel its effects. The second's lower section, where House Dimir's symbol was once carved, began to push out, forming the guild's indentation of the sinister bug.

"This, I didn't see." The seer stood up. "That tremor was a sign. The tenth and most secretive guild has opened its doors once again." He took his walking stick. "I'd suggest you both to stay indoors and bar the windows, you'll never know where the shadows will strike." He felt his way along the cobblestones.

"Do you need any help getting home?" She awkwardly asked the blind guy.

He didn't turn around when he answered "Nonsense, I know these streets like the back of my hand."

"Okay, that was weird. It's not everyday I see blind guys in the street."

A waitress tapped her on the shoulder. "Girl, that guy didn't pay for the tea. Perhaps you could."

Upon hearing this, Kim slapped herself on the forehead. "I can't believe he's waiting for someone to mooch." She snapped her fingers in Jake's direction. "Jake, Do you mind?"

"Aw, man." He took out a few zinos and flipped them at the waitress's hand.

No sooner when she left that the elf who preached Jake walked by to try her luck once more.

"Girl, do you feel troubled by this city? Does its hustle and bustle make you feel lost and confused? Have you ever thought of leaving its maddening squalor?"

"Not you again." the Amerasian moved in front of her.

"Ditto to you, Boy." She said sharply, cross about what happened before. "I wouldn't expect you with her."

"Cool it, Jake. I'll handle this" Kim steadied the thirteen year-old. "What's the deal, uh, Miss Elf?"

She recited her answer. "The name's Begita, but our individual names aren't that important. I am an evangelist of the Selesnya Conclave, a guild that serves as an escape from the squalor of this urban world. It's my job to spread the hymn of serenity to Ravnica and recruit initiates to amplify this chorus."

"Look, we're a little busy to be signing up for your cause now. But I kinda like where you're getting at. Maybe a little donation would do for now?" she eyed Jake.

"Just take it all." He handed her his wallet, whose contents Kim emptied in her hand. "So much for rations…"

"The Conclave doesn't really need funds, but okay." The zinos felt tingly on Begita's hand.

"The only way to get rid of these guys." Kim told Jake.

Once she pocketed the change, she rummaged her purse "Since you are such nice people, I will give you these passes."

"Passes?"

"Yes. The Conclave is inviting everyone, both members and non-members, to a party in the Temple Garden near the City Tree tonight. Hopefully, you'll come." She offered them two slips of paper.

"I don't know if we should go. I've heard bad things about these guys."

"Lighten up, Jake. It's not like we'll join their club anyway."

"There will be a cornucopia of food for the unrested and weary."

"Free eats? We're there." He snatched the slips with a wide grin.

* * *

"Two VIP guests, my man." Jake dropped the passes to the crystalline fingers of a colossal bouncer. The force of nature merely grunted at the slips of paper and stepped aside to let him and Kim pass the archway. 

The temple garden party was the biggest get-together since the decamillenial, with seven of the City Tree's guardians ordered to handle security. The garden was quite a sight: in the light of Vitu-Ghazi, two blocks next door, it was too crazy to be a Selesnya-hosted event. That new sound technology, in the form of a music station manned by an Izzet DJ, has been used to assist with the elvish band.

The people not affiliated with the guilds are found taking their fill from the vegetarian buffet spanning five tables and dancing to this new blend of traditional music and melodious cacophony. A guy with blond hair, obviously an artist, did a brief sketch of what he saw from the top of a tree and proceeded to sip a glass of juice he got from the punch bowl.

The guilded members were no different: Boros troopers tried their luck in the party games such as limbo and extreme charades. An Izzet wizard pulled a sneaky practical joke involving a tap on the shoulder and a portable vacuum. Some unkempt Gruul Clanners, who should know better than walking into these parties without smashing stuff and banging heads, were curious about the unfamiliar Selesnyan music and joined the revelry like a bunch of Gauls during a banquet. Devkarin elves have brought their own food, knowing the mainly vegan selection in the buffet, though some rattled their bone necklaces when they drank the punch, which one admitted to have tasted better than bumbat beer.

Azorius soldiers, dressed to impress in bulky polished silver armor, never moved with as much flexibly in the marbled dance floor. Their vedalken superior, in traditional bureaucrat robes, was found arguing with a spiky-haired fox-man over the paperwork regarding this event. But judging by the mirth and excitement emanating from all this, not even that or the ramblings of a Simic scientist could spoil this party.

"It's all going well, ain't it?"

Kim and Jake both turned their heads toward the direction of the speaker, and found the fox-man beside them.

"It should. Hey, weren't you supposed be over there?" She pointed to where the vedalken was.

He replied slyly, without looking at her "That what he thinks too."

Immediately, the fox-man on the distance, which was nodding all that time to the vedalken and saying nothing, stretched his face and let go. The surprised official watched as the spiky-hair drooped into long brunette hair and the fox returned back to his true self: a female Selesnyan elf. She was presumably intoxicated for she, in a manner unbefitting a Selesnyan, grasped the vedalken's wrist and shrieked "Enough talk. Let's dance, blue boy!" as she skipped to the marble floor with her unwilling dance partner.

He faced her like an overeager intern and offered a hand. "Hi, the name's Ashita, the Host of this party."

Kim was stunned as the fox-man shook her hand. "Ashita, that's a nice name." she said with slightly barred teeth.

"Why thank you, love. Got it from a song, I did."

"What just happened?"

He took a step back and raised a finger. "One word, Miss: Magic. Sounds cliché, but that's how things work around here." He rested his shoulder on the temple railing beside her. "So, you new in this town?"

"Very new..."

He sprang back "That's good. The fun will be fresh for you."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Ashita. I'm supposed to getting back to my friend." Kim turned to see Jake gone.

"I see that your friend is having the time of his life." He waved his padded hand to Jake, who was literary spinning on his back to the music.

"Remember, this party follows strict guidelines: one is to never be too lewd and the other is not to get yourselves banged."

She was alarmed from the innuendo in his words. "Thanks, I'll remember that."

Without stopping, he pulled a glass of purplish liquid from his pants pocket "Try the punch, it's my special blend." He smiled.

Kim raised an eyebrow, but she took a sip. "My God, this drink is out of this world." She downed the glass "How did you make this?"

He put a finger on his lips "It's a secret recipe, my dear. Now enjoy the party. " he pushed her to a jigging conga line, dropping her glass with a loud crash.

While Kim wiggled and stepped in the conga, Jake stopped break dancing and started clawing at the buffet. Two weeks of eating nothing but jerked meat and bread brought the cravings for Mrs. Long's meals, and the Selesnyan dishes are the nearest you can get to free homemade cooking: he's a growing boy after all.

After eating two plates, he took a glass and filled it with Ashita's punch. He then stopped cold. Jake's eyes darted back and forth as his nose extended to take a whiff of the drink. His eyes widened with horror: this punch has been spiked.

He figured that he better tell the Host about the pranksters who emptied a bottle of sleeping potion in the punch bowl. With the party's duration, everyone would have drunk the punch by now.

The Amerasian tried to go back to the railing where Kim was but stopped again when he saw Ashita tiptoeing quietly to the door behind the DJ's station. He decided to follow the fox-man.

"I found the concept of being an antrozil a complex conundrum. For instance: how long do these beings live for? Do they last for at least a century like the average human being or can they live for countless millennia, like the Firemind himself?" asked a man with greenish-blue globs stuck on him, as Jake opened the door.

"Beats me, man." replied a wasted centaur. "You gonna finish that drink?"

After descending the steps to the temple garden basement, Jake stumbled back to see the other spectacle under the party: the basement was huge and housed barrels and barrels of Ashita's many berry wines. The biggest barrel was in the center; its juice was used for the punch.

"Who would have thought that you would be of use to us?" said the familiar orator's tone. Begita was in front of the giant barrel with Ashita, smiling at the fox-man.

"Begita, what a nice surprise. Shouldn't you be up there with the guests?"

"Begita's just a stage name, you fool." The elf's body grew taller and her hair grew longer and began to resemble a mass of wavy vines, the visual cues for a dryad. She looked as if she was about to slap him, but then proceeded to stroke his spiky hair. "Though, I have to admit, it's starting to grow on me. I shouldn't be out by myself too long."

He kept smiling at her "You haven't tried the punch. The others liked it."

She lifted her hand. "Fox-man, I don't have to. It's because of your punch that the Conclave's vision has come to fruition."

"Well, you and the sync-patrol did dare me to make juice so good that anyone who gets high from it becomes very persuadable. I simply rose to the challenge." Ashita replied matter-of-factly.

"By the way, that sound guy you hired with those zinos to play that subliminal chorus song is the best part. I liked the song's mix." He began to swing his hips 'Forget yourself, forget this cit-ay.' Man that should make Ravnica's hit single."

"Yes. I was reluctant at first, but we knew your party was the right time to test the effects. With this, the Conclave can finally vanquish this world's one enemy: individuality."

"Hang on." Ashita stopped the dryad for a minute. "I didn't agree to any of that brainwashing stuff you do."

"Fox-man, do you not realize what drove your former owner to abandon you many years ago? It was his selfishness, the fruit of individuality itself.

"Don't bring that jerk into this."

Oh, why else are you here in the Conclave?"

"You guys are like so in-tuned with nature that I feel quite at home, that's why."

"Whatever the reason, we wish for you to continue making a bigger batch. We're planning on dropping it in the city's water supply this time."

"And let good punch like that go to waste?" They both looked at where Jake was hiding and spotted the red dragon ready to attack.

The dryad was unperturbed "A dragon in the basement? Not a problem." With a wave of her hand, a hundred creatures made of lemonade-colored crystals and vines sprouted from the bricked ground.

"These sap'lins are supposed to scare me?" Jake laughed as he whipped twenty-five with his tail, swiped forty with both claws and charred thirty-five with his fiery breath.

"No..."

Suddenly, one of the bouncers gave way from the ceiling and landed on Jake butt-first, squeezing the air from his lungs.

"...distract you."

"Dang-ithh!" the dragon's tongue stuck out as the bouncer pressed over him, his eyes shut from the strain.

"Wait, he doesn't deserve this punishment" cried Ashita to the dryad boss. The fox-man tried to approach the crushed Jake, but the dryad merely grasped him by the shoulders with her gnarly digits and lifts him up. "Ooh Begita, I see you're feeling the moment."

Without replying, the dryad opened the biggest barrel's lid and faced Ashita. "As for you, I'll show you what we do to those who interfere with the might of Vitu-Ghazi!" She dunked Ashita's head in the purple fluid with both hands.

She turned to the force of nature. "Tie that dragon up, as well as this one once he's had enough." The bouncer stood on its woody legs and eyed Jake, who's turned back into a kid with a squashed spine.

"What do we have here: an anthrozil? The Firemind must have had a field day."

"This batch needs more boysens!" a happier-than-before Ashita said as his head was dunked again.

* * *

Jake's eyelids quickly rose and his eyes darted around him. He was suspended upside-down from the ceiling basement, completely tied up and had his mouth barred by a muzzle. "My God," he thought. "I must have been out for an hour." 

"Actually, you were out for three. Whoo-hoo-hu-hey!"

He felt the foxman behind him, having the time in his life despite having a gallon of his own juice gurgled down his throat.

"You know what? This was the first time that I didn't get banged in a party, I think..."

The Amerasian wiggled when he heard what Ashita said. He tried to mumble through the muzzle.

"You're a shapeshifter. Why didn't you stand up to that bramble chick?" Jake said.

"No can do, Jakey. Begita may not be my boss, but she was the most decent girl I've ever got the chance to meet in this city: and I never meet girls that much."

"Dang, I can't dragon up. This thing must be made of sphinx hair."

"Hand-plucked from the finest free-range manes, while they slept." Ashita added.

"Whatever. Can't you bite through this?"

"And taste the stale protein strands? Eww."

"Yeah? Well, I hate to say this, but if you listen hard they're having a bigger party out there."

"And I'm not invited? That makes me angry!"

Ashita barred his teeth and angrily tore their bonds like vermicelli noodles. Before the last strand was snapped, gravity took its toll and they both fell. Seeing their quick descent, Ashita screamed at the top of his lungs and held onto the Amerasian. He, on the other hand, was too caught up in the moment to sprout wings and fly. They fell violently on the ground face first.

Jake got up and rubbed his sore forehead, happy that the muzzle kept his jaw from suffering serious damage. He spotted Ashita continuing to munch on the Sphinx hair.

"They're a bit tough, but they're not too bad."

"Sheeta." Jake took kitsune by his shirt "Where's Kim? We should get out of here before that bramble chick comes back."

"I'm afraid that the last time I saw her, she took a glass of my juice."

"What?" he shook him "With the stuff going on, she musta taken more and gone..."

"...to Vitu-Ghazi, the City Tree. Not very far."

Jake gripped his hair from frustration "I gotta get her out of this. I promised to keep her safe." He faced Ashita again. "How do you snap out those who drank your juice?"

"Simple, just give them a good bangin'. Peeyow Peeyow!" With that, Ashita started to thrust his hips forwards and backwards. "That should clear up their sinuses."

Jake's eyes widened like they never did before. "You can't be serious."

"Yes...I was kidding. Hehe... You should have seen your face."

Jake frowned but blushed, though he did like the idea of fulfilling this whimsical fantasy.

"Same way you snap out anyone who's brainwashed: shock them."

"Good plan, let's hope that works. Dragon up!"

Clutching Ashita by the ruff of his neck, the draconic Jake soared to the ceiling's hole and high off the Temple Garden. The moonlight painted the city a fair navy. Vitu-Ghazi glowed neon-green on the near-horizon, a lush island in the sea of bricks.

He shot towards the City Tree and landed on its balcony. "The American Dragon is in the house. Bring it, Selesnya!"

Sure enough, the City Tree's elemental guardians began to sprout from the woody floor. Their crystalline fists were clenched and ready to bash the intruder.

"Heads up, bouncers." Jake did a somersault and laid his claws onto an elemental, cleaving it lengthwise. His scaled elbow found home in another behind him, breaking its gnarled chest and startling it for a while. A deep breath released a flame that scorched another's head while he gripped its shoulders.

An elemental, seeing its opportunity, morphed its right fist into a crystal spear. The weapon dived towards Jake's soft underbelly, but it snapped when a fleshy membrane barred its way in the last minute and turned into hard diamond.

"This is some party, huh?" Ashita's face spoke from the diamond shield. Jake dropped the burned husk and grabbed Ashita. "What are you doing?" The dragon then kabered the shield likes a hammer, bowling through the surrounding elementals. The motion stopped when Ashita toppled over a flowerpot near the great hall's entrance, knocking off a Venus flytrap-like plant from it.

Aggravated, the plant's draconic head bit the dizzy Ashita, who presumably winced from the amount of shock he acquired so far.

"Not a problem." The dragon slashed at the plant guardian's heads, but instead of killing it, two new heads sprouted in its place.

"I'm not supposed to fight Hydras like this until I've turned fifteen!" Jake exhaled another jet at the Plant Hydra. Unlike its non-photosynthetic cousins however, this hydra continued to sprout multiple heads instead of burning off. With its new heads, the hydra was literary barring the door.

"It loves being beaten in the bush. Stop!" Ashita ordered.

"Well, do you have another bright idea, Sheeta?" said an exasperated Jake.

The elemental guardians started to take their form once again. The fox-man donned the guise of one of the elemental guardians. He stabbed the woody floor with a crystal fist and broke the part where the hydra sank its roots.

"Let them sort it out, Jakey. Heave!" Together, the dragon and the "elemental" lifted the Hydra's chunk (minding the biting heads) and threw it at the other wooden creations. Not knowing friend from foe, the Hydra bit and clung onto whatever neared it, distracting the elementals. Jake and Ashita reverted into their default forms and ran to the open door.

Vitu-Ghazi was certainly larger than the temple garden where Ashita's party took place. It felt like the Roman Coliseum, except that the arena was covered in lush grass and the walls were covered with vines: each plant was coaxed by the Conclave to grow in a way that kept them from growing uncontrollably like ordinary plants, giving the City Tree an artificial look.

Begita and the other ancient Dryads were standing on a stone platform, surrounded by the row of robed open-eyed masses: each of which constantly bowed and rose as if worshipping them.

"There's Kim." Jake pointed at the dumbfounded teen with the unforgettable reddish-orange hair. "Yo, Kim!" he ran to the teen heroine and shook her "Snap out of it".

The others stopped bowing and stood up, still facing the dryads. Begita spotted the Amerasian and spoke in a calm but echoing voice "Her threshold for shock is stronger than you think."

"It was amazing that you came here so quickly." The other dryads began to speak in the same voice "We were not expecting you to come in until another hour."

"My fault." Ashita replied from over the audience seats. "Jake, shock her now."

"Hate to do this to you, Kim." Thinking that pain would clear her sinuses, Jake thrust a kick towards her face. She immediately caught it and threw him toward Begita, who successfully caught him.

"No use resisting, Antrozil. We share one mind, and we know that any punch you make will just be thrown back at you. Surrender to the Conclave."

"Wanna bet?" Jake broke from her and shot a left hook, which Kim saw and blocked. A low kick tried but failed as Kim's leg steadied his force. An uppercut tried to knock her jaw, but she somersaulted back and kicked him point blank onto a moss-covered wall.

"Jakey!" Ashita was about to jump from the seats, but Begita merely shot a displeased glare at him, awe-striking the fox-man in his tracks.

"Face it, Anthrozil." Kim eerily spoke in Begita's voice as she cornered Jake. "Headstrong fools like you shall be extinct: you cannot win."

"Alright, I give." He told the brainwashed teen. "But may I have one last request before you kill me?"

Kim raised an eyebrow. "Even though it is redundant, you may have the pleasure."

"Glad to." He locked his arms around her shoulders and gave her a passionate kiss on the lips. For added measure, he placed his tongue inside her mouth and flicked it around while hers just stood there, unable to react to this sudden action.

Begita felt a tingle in her head, the tingle from a mind splintering off the Conclave's consciousness. She suddenly screamed at Jake "What are you doing?"

Kim's pupils shrank when she saw Jake's closed eyes with his mouth on hers. The slap that followed stung harder than her kick. "You haven't brushed, you know that."

Jake hissed and rubbed his cheek, but smiled when the teen heroine came to.

"And what am I doing in this bland outfit?" she stared at her plain robes

"It was her idea." The Amerasian pointed at Begita.

"That elf woman was a tree? For plants, you guys sure have a bad fashion sense."

Begita replied her opinion. "Fashion is for individuals pretending to belong: pathetic."

"You take that back, you unimaginative hippie!" Kim ripped her robes to reveal her new snazzy mission clothes and jumped towards Begita. Instead of resisting she sank into the stone ground, leaving Kim to crash back on to the floor behind her.

Begita emerged and approached her fellow dryads. "We must deal with this headstrong human as well."

"Why must you individuals mess our plans?" The dryads held hands, closed their eyes and chanted a haunting tone.

Their wooden flesh seemed to fuse together. As they neared each other the amalgam of viney hair and gnarled skin spun and weaved a new being: She was similar to the Chorus Dryads, but she was much taller. Her skin appeared woodier than theirs and her hair was less messy. This new entity stared at Kim with her sap-filled eyes and spoke with a voice which was a convergence of shouts, whispers, and everything in between. "Bow before Mat'Selesnya: the Chorus transcended!" Mat suddenly stopped and spoke on the other end of the hall "Hit it, Maxie!"

Maxie, the blonde artist from before appeared with the DJ station and began to play, oddly, the digi-modify theme by Ohta Michihiko.

"You have your own battle music?" Kim commented on the force of nature's eccentricity.

"Less talk more fighting, Kim Possible!"

Mat sank a gnarled fist on where Kim was standing. The startled Kim jumped back and used a brainwashed minotaur's head as a pole to gain some altitude. Before Mat had time to react, Kim successfully kicked the superdryad's face and splattered splinters all over the masses.

The superdryad 's neck cracked when it realigned with her head. "Bad move, human!" The splinters began to expand and don lemonade-colored crystals and vines. These saprolings dived to the teen heroine.

"Watch out!" Jake the dragon whipped off some of the saprolings away from her. Kim picked one of them up by the stem "Cute." She then proceeded to stomp its crystal with the heel of her shoe.

Mat swung her fist once more on their direction. Kim jumped on to her arm and flung a captured saproling back at her face. The resulting splintering created more of the creatures, but did little to cause the Selesnyan leader harm.

"As long as we have company, we are invincible."

Mat gave a loathing glare towards the teen heroine, which promptly paralyzed her and made her drop to the ground. "What's this? I can't move." Before a stomp from the superdryad's spiked foot squeezed her life, Jake swooped to rescue the disabled Kim. Unfortunately, he too felt the paralyzing grip when Mat glared at him on his back, and landed like a stone.

The Selesnyan Leader grabbed both of them with her delicate but gnarly fingers and squeezed them like a holly creeper on a tree's branch. "You are both mere itches in our back, but oh how we savor the moment to scratch you off this world."

A loud crack was heard and Mat literally felt hot, spinning lead piercing her. She shook in horror when she turned around and saw Ashita with the smoking nicked Uzi. Oddly, no splinters turned into saprolings behind her back.

"Whoa, I'm pretty good."

The superdryad released Jake and Kim as she clawed at the gash on her back for the irritating bits of steel. The draconic Jake caught the teen heroine and flew far from Mat's reach.

"Her back: that must be her weak spot." Exclaimed Jake.

"Actually, it feels like she finds her insides tender to our technology." Kim corrected.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" He asked her.

"Way ahead of you."

Jake dropped Kim onto Mat'Selesnya and her toes landed with great force onto her face. The delicate features of the superdryad shattered and scattered around them, slowly turning into more saprolings. Mat tried to scream her anguish as she blindly swung her limbs, but her formless face gave no response.

"Sheeta, I'm open!" Jake flew towards the fox-man with his claws up her head. Ashita, unsure of what he'd do, threw the Uzi onto Jake's talons. The dragon aimed and peppered Mat's back with continuous shots of spinning steel.

Mat'Selesnya's regenerated face gave a loud scream as the seeds of artifice hit her. The pain felt like a bad case of sun rash. The bullets scooped gaping holes onto her "heartwood" innards.

Kim cocked her hairdryer towards the Selesnyan Leader. "Now, for the final blow."

Mat clutched her back as she stared at Kim, sap flowing from her eyes. "You are not seriously going to kill a force of nature, are you? Kill us, and the Guildpact will shatter."

"Sorry, I didn't get the memo."

She rolled under the squirming superdryad and fired a taser shot on the biggest hole. Electricity surged in her and fried her woody skin. Mat ceased pulsating and stood as the taser shot dropped onto the stone ground. Maxie stopped the music, his eyes widening at the result. In response, the brainwashed masses snapped out of their trance and began asking how they got here.

Jake landed near the teen heroine. "Kim, you alright?"

She cracked a satisfied smile. "Never been better." Kim looked back at the dragon. "Seriously, you should brush your teeth often. You taste disgusting."

Jake couldn't help but stifle his embarrassment with nervous laughter. "Yeah: I'm sorry."

They heard a loud creak, and saw Mat'Selesnya's petrified legs giving way.

"Look out!" Jake scooped Kim and tried to fly, but it was too late. The Selesnyan Leader's corpse collapsed over them. But before it crushed Kim and Jake the floor gave way, taking the two heroes with it...down the Undercity.

The stone platform wasn't the only thing that was giving way. The grass on Vitu-Ghazi's floor wilted, and its vines dried up. The city tree began to crumble, now that the living parts have withered without Mat's magical influence.

The masses in the hall began to panic from the collapsing building It was every man for himself: Ashita ran to the balcony and spun into a flesh-colored drake and flew out, too busy to properly transform; Maxie quickly donned a ferret man's suit and jumped to the nearby buildings, trusting that the suit's built-in abilities would keep him from crashing down; elves spread their arms and glided to the cobble-stoned grounds with their robes; goblins just dive-bombed, hoping for the best.

* * *

Vitu-Ghazi, The City-Tree was once the Conclave's lofty guildhall meant to keep its members away from the city's hustle and bustle: now it was the headstone of The Conclave and its leader. 

The Ravnican sunrise took a peek on the urban landscape as Ashita looked back at the club's rubble and at his memories in it. He remembered the friends he made and the two recent ones: you know, the kid who can turn into a dragon and the girl with an even skimpier outfit than he had.

"It is painful to let go."

The fox-man turned his head towards the guy with the wide-brimmed hat and bandaged eyes.

"Well, you know: that's life. Things come, Things go. And you know what else? It doesn't get any easier."

"I couldn't have put it better." He replied back, not facing him. "Aren't you going to stay a while longer?"

"You kidding me? I bet my buds are worried sick if they found out that I left my post. Besides, I've learnt enough about how you humans live: you're no different than the rest of us. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be taking the next portal back home."

Ashita hitched up his pants and walked off, but not before dropping an orange flower as an offering for the City Tree. The blind guy merely gave a faint laugh and faced the Selesnyan ruins. "The Undercity, eh? That place is much worse. I pray for your safety." He gave a gesture for luck, then shuffled himself back to the square with the twin pillars.

* * *

A ray of sunlight reflected on something from among Vitu-Ghazi's rubble. Kim's Kimmunicator dropped from her backpack during the commotion last night. Despite being a little chipped, the blue gizmo was still functional. However, without any access from Wade, the Kimmunicator was as useless as regeneration on something indestructible. 

An invisible hand lifted the gizmo, making it seem to float around the rubble. The Kimmunicator then vanished, presumably into an invisible pocket. A silent chuckle was heard along with footsteps sneaking away Vitu-Ghazi.

**Ravnica Glossary ('coz you're gonna need it)**

**Selesnya Conclave** – These guys are basically a nature cult known for taming wild animals and giving importance to the group. They are about the only guild in Ravnica that can be considered good. However, they despise individuality to the point that they'd as much brainwash recruits and strangers as well as heal them. The club is headed by a group of ancient dryads called **The Chorus**, but they are able to merge together to form the force of nature **Mat'selesnya**. Mat likes being in the company of other dryads and elves, but her love of a large membership has attracted a few humans and centaurs as well.

**Ashita** – Full name: Ashita Moshi Kimi Ga Kowaretemo; A notoriously promiscuous, yet fun-loving Hambun Kitsune (Half fox spirit) who lives in the top spring half of the _Four Seasons_ Mountain. He has an expertise in berry horticulture and, despite being young (for a kitsune) is rumored to be better than some elders at the art of transforming. He is a character of Abigaille's; How he got to Ravnica is a subject of mystery as his divinity gave him strict orders NOT to leave his post.

**Artist – **A group of special people (reminiscent of "Witches" and "Wizards", who are not considered job classes by most people for some reason) with the ability to planeswalk (travel between worlds) and create reality by just by drawing them. Apparently, artists visit other worlds for inspiration on what to draw, despite their distinct styles and eccentricities. Ravnica is a hangout for a multitude of artists, some of which submitting their loyalty to its guilds in the hopes of further studying their respective philosophies. Even though each artist are independent, they regularly meet and discuss their ideas within the halls of **Phrav**, the Azorius guildhall.


	4. Forbidden One

**Two days ago...**

Dr. Drakken couldn't believe it: one of his inventions has finally wiped out his ever persistent foe. Originally, his modified Pandimensional Vortex Inducer's purpose was to fetch powerful minions from a different dimension. The catch was that the machine required the interpreted thoughts, namely top-quality paintings of said creatures, made by professional artists. It was a good idea for him then that he and his associate stole from a place where a lot of paintings can be acquired that had next-to-lax security. He's thinking of bragging about this in the next villain's convention: you know, that event where they all acknowledge that poser Dr. Dementor while everyone else shuns his own genius.

That was before he felt a push that enabled the machine's vortex to catch him and Shego. The dizzying motion spun them both as they plunged deeper and deeper into the abyss. The good doctor screamed in horror.

Immediately Drakken's life flashed before his very eyes, though in a very cliché manner: He saw a scene involving his birth, with a very tired but happy Mrs. Lipsky lying on a labor table and comforted by nurses and the doctor who pulled him out. She wasn't that short and pudgy back then. Drakken saw his former "posse", which included that Dr. James T. Possible, laughing with gleeful abandon on his Bebe prototypes. This was the time when he vowed to make the perfect construct, and have revenge on his colleagues. Another event was that time when he first used the Vortex Inducer: how they got out of the television universe after they were sat on by Mr. Sit-Down was quite a doozy, even for this experience.

Drakken was curious if Shego was having the same types of visions he had and turned to the green lady. He was surprised to find her filing her nails, indifferent to the motion of the vortex.

"Why are you taking this so well, Shego?" said the panicking artificer.

The green lady stared back at him with bored eyes. "I'm not into panicking since I've fallen a hundred times before, Dr. D. Besides, we're not dying."

"What?"

The vortex ripped open to reveal a cloudy morning sky. It gave way to a bird's-eye view of a large city, with its sharp spires, criss-crossing streets and stony ground. To Drakken's left, there was a large cloud of dust galloping along a winding street towards a large fortress.

Drakken realized that they're out of the vortex's safety and that gravity will drive them to the ground like nails. He swam towards the green lady, who was plummeting lower, and tried to shout. "Shego, grab on!"

"What?" she yelled back, given that Drakken's command was blurred out by the force. The artificer grabbed her on the waist and pulled the ignition of his secret rocket pack. The afterburn scratched the air around them as the rocket struggled to fly opposite of the force of gravity's direction. In five seconds, Drakken and Shego zoomed back to the sky back towards the vortex rip. Unfortunately, they missed it by several inches and arched away from the hole, which closed like a purple-gummed mouth.

"Blast it!" Drakken exclaimed as their altitude slowly lowered.

"Uh, Dr. D: do you know how to steer this thi-"

"You think I wouldn't know about my own gadgets?" he answered back, then paused in deep thought. "Come to think of it, I don't know how to land this pack."

"I told you a parachute would have been better, and cheap!" she spat.

"But the rocket pack is cool: everyone's using it."

"You won't think it's cool once we crash on that thing."

Drakken trembled in response as they zoomed towards a giant snake which repeatedly sank and rose from the ground. "That is one big snake!"

Shego, not wanting to die in Drakken's arms, ordered her boss. "Tilt to the left."

"Huh?"

"Do it if you don't want to be singed at a hundred miles per hour." She threatened, igniting her right gauntlet.

Drakken, preferring to die by a thousand pounds of wurmflesh than by barbecue, submitted to her order. A full tilt directed the rocket under an arc made by the serpent's body, keeping them from being squeezed.

The man on the wurm's mount ruffled his wild hair and screamed "Watch it, ye low-flying tinkermages!" at the duo.

Drakken scowled at the man "That was close. Remind me to deal with that guy later."

"We aren't safe yet." She pointed at a bright stain-glass window in a large cathedral. Shego fastened a par of goggles from her pocket and braced for impact.

"Let us now turn to Chapter Six, Verse 13 of the Obzed Saga: 'lift up thy shiny circular token on high, to the Almighty Father. Stay true to his needs...'"

Drakken's scream was in tune with the shattering window as they zipped passed a disturbingly gray preacher who was currently heading a mass. The church attendees screamed at this unexpected stunt from the time they came in and when they broke another window as they zipped out.

The preacher was shaken, but continued his reading. "'...lest you desire to face an eternal afterlife of debts and woe.' Now, church offerings to pay for those windows."

Drakken and Shego didn't escape the church without running into more trouble. The four gargoyles who sat on its rooftops came to life. They shrieked, and each flapped their marble wings and rushed towards them to avenge their home.

"Shego, those stone freaks are after us."

"I'm on it." She ignited her fists, and let loose two orbs of green fire in front of the gargoyles. The bombs exploded, shattering two from the air and dropped noisy marble rubble in the ground.

Shego signaled Drakken of another obstacle: a large tree which carried an arena the size of the Roman Coliseum. "Tilt up, Dr. D!" she shouted.

He did as he was told, and they both rose again towards the sky. The gargoyles, unable to steer on their direction, crash landed on the tree structure.

An elf evangel, having a salad on a wooden table, stared at the two gargoyles trapped by the broken wood and bricks on her feet. Seeing her opportunity, she asked the two creatures "So, have you decided to join the Conclave?"

The direction tilted down once again, and Shego became impatient. "Don't tell me we're to wait until this thing ran out of gas?"

"Unfortunately, yes." He replied.

Suddenly, the clear vision of a tall man with a ponytail loomed in their way. Before Shego gave the signal to dodge him, the man cracked a smile and lunged at Drakken. The goggled Shego expected a violent impact, but the man vanished before they collided.

"That was close too." She exclaimed.

"This is wasting our time" Drakken started to say. "I have a better idea."

She felt the tingle of cold steel as Drakken aligned a knife toward her neck. "Wait, is this some way to thank me for keeping us alive?"

She felt him grin like the specter as he drove the knife home. Not on her neck, but on the rocket pack's fuel tank. The diesel gushed out of it as he retracted the blade.

"Are you crazy?" she began to exclaim.

"Relax, I know what I'm doing. As for you, keep your goggles on."

Sure enough, the rocket pack sputtered toward flat rooftops, causing the duo to bounce forward on the bellies of fat sunbathers until crashing on a heaving clothesline. This brought them plummeting in an alley back first.

The rocket pack leaked onto the laundry, which ignited from the dying fire. Shego quickly rose off Drakken as he took off the straps from the burning death pack. They both stomped out the fire hastily so as to keep from arousing suspicion.

"This has been the greatest day of my life." Drakken gloated as the last ember was stepped on. "We are still in one piece, and my teenage foe is gone for good."

Shego faced her employer as she took off her goggles. "Good for you, but it won't be a happy ending if you keep gloating."

"Wha'dyou mean?" he asked. She pointed at the two armored men on horseback at the road. One of them began to wrinkle his nose, as if sensing a strange unauthorized bonfire.

Drakken wised up. "Oh, security. Gotcha!" and they then proceeded to run away from the crash site.

"Knights on horseback? Don't you find that strange?" Shego talked back to her employer, who couldn't keep up as he had never been used to running this swiftly.

"Strange? Lighten up; they must be having a medieval fair. Check out those peasants." Several of the cityfolk eyed Drakken and Shego, finding it unusual for them being together. "They're very convincing."

"Hello! Why would you hold a medieval fair in the city?" she stated the obvious.

"Alright, Ms. Know-It-All: we can talk about this all day. Stop right there." He ordered her. "I'll ask one of the henchmen to pick us up." He pressed the button on his telecommunication wristband. Unfortunately, it greeted him with static.

"What's wrong with this piece of junk?" he hit the device with a fist.

"The GPS receiver must be busted."

"You think I didn't know that?" he sputtered at Shego, who regretted taking her goggles off so soon. "Shoot! And I'm not even that well-versed in non-American geography. I mean, look at this place." He waved his hand around the street, much to the embarrassment of his accomplice. "We must be in Wellington for all we know, right near the world's icy edge."

A piercing cry was heard from the sky, which prompted the duo to look upwards. Two other Knights rode creatures resembling griffins and proceeded to skywrite on the light blue blackboard. Instead of using smoke however, they unraveled long scrolls of glowing parchment which melded with the air. A few caught brief glimpses, and then continued with their business. This form of skywriting felt strange for Drakken and Shego, but gazing at it sent a public message directly in their minds:

_Citizens of Ravnica. The Azorius Skyscriber knights are here to inform you of the following announcement..._

"Ravnica?" Drakken asked to himself. "Are we inside this game that madman was talking about?"

"Game? Methinks we're in a different world based on the game, Dr. D." Shego responded without looking down.

_As you know, the Grand Arbiter Leonos II has once again acknowledged the Gruul Clans as one of the signed guilds of the Guildpact. Unfortunately, none of its clanmembers are unaware of this change. There are two reasons for this lack of change. The most obvious reason is that the average Gruul is either too illiterate to read messages like these or too stubborn to listen to us ordinary cityfolk. The second reason is that the Grand Arbiter has used the original signature of Cisarszim, the Gruul Parun without notifying his descendant, the cyclops Borborygmos._

_For all you bounty hunters out there, or at least any of the Cyclops's competent next of kin, please notify the Gruul's alpha hulk about the Grand Arbiter's repeal so that he may update the document and claim proper authority of the Gruul. He has been waiting for this for two years. Thank you._

Shego ceased looking at the magical announcement. "Taking that Cyclops down for these guys sound like a good idea. I could use the cash."

"Nonsense, Shego!" Drakken suddenly said. "I have an even better idea than that: this is a new world, Ravnica. I bet they haven't even heard of advanced technology, based on what I saw on the pictures. It's ripe for the picking."

"You're not seriously thinking of taking over this place, are you?" she questioned his ambition. "All your tech and thugs are in back in planet Earth."

"Then we'll have to start from scratch." He replied. "Besides, those knights and that giant snake are now slim pickings with Kim Possible gone. "

"I hate to break it to you Dr. D." Shego tried to burst his bubble once again. "But we survived the free slide on the way here."

"Your point?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Something is nagging in the back of my head that your teenage foe is still alive. Ever thought of that?"

"For crying out loud, be optimistic! She gave us the worst four years of our criminal careers." He told her. "You should feel happy."

"If that's true, then I'm considering my early retirement, starting now."

"What? You can't leave me, I need protection."

"You can handle conquering a whole city by yourself, right?"

He thought about this for a moment. "You have a point, Shego. But first, let's celebrate. Drinks are on me."

She rolled her eyes. "That can't be good."

The Drunken Chicken Tavern was found on a square where the cityfolk regularly gathered to rest and admire the follies of past Izzet projects abandoned there, which some unaffiliated critics have declared "art". A robot resembling a large-eyed spider creaked and rusted beside a fountain made of silver ladles and pipes. A giant statue of a vigilant knight stood immobile far from the fountain, appearing to defend the opera house behind it from anyone who cries out against classical music.

The duo passed the junk sculptures as they proceeded to push the hinges of the Tavern's front door. The patrons simultaneously gazed at the door with amazement when Drakken and Shego stepped in.

"I told you to do something about you're complexion." He whispered at his associate. "You stand out like a nauseated amazon."

"You're the one to talk, Mr. Blue." She hissed through her teeth. He shrugs from the comeback.

* * *

Drunken Chicken was unusual for a tavern. Even though it was noon, the place was filled with men and other humanoid races taking huge gulps of beer and munching game. Instead of the heads of wild animals, the walls strangely had a number of marine trophies, ranging from little minnows to big squid, despite being away from any body of water. Drakken half-expected a Viking lady from the opera house to appear as a waitress, but he didn't have his hopes up.

He approached the wooden counter between a bull-man and a sleeping goblin and signaled the barkeep.

"Two mugs of your finest malted drink. We've had a wonderful day today, my good man."

The barkeep sighed without looking and wiped two clean mugs as he spoke in a stressed Eastern European accent. "Whooptee-doo, some guys have all the luck." He placed both filled mugs on the counter with a significant thud. "A zino each."

"Zino?" He said. "What kind of cash is that?"

"I'm giving you a discounted price, and you forgot to bring cash?" The barkeep sighed. "Fine. Since your kind 'really' rules this place, I'll put it in your tab." He pushed them in his direction and grunted "Drink up."

"Whoa, I've been here for three hours and I already rule the place? I'm better than I thought." thought the blue man as he brought the mugs to the table where Shego was sitting.

"Here's to a successful world conquest, my dear". Shego reluctantly clinked her foamy mug with Drakken, just in time for him to bump to a guy in a coolie hat, who was on his way out of the tavern.

"This place is cramped." said Drakken. As he eagerly sipped the beer, he spotted two scraps of paper near where Coolie Hat was sitting.

He bent down and waved it at the guy. "Buddy, you forgot these." Apparently, Coolie Hat didn't have time to hear him, as he seemed to be in a hurry. "What a waste. These look like free passes to a place called Sada's. All expenses paid, too."

A smile dawned on Drakken's face "Shego, on your feet."

"But I haven't finished this thing you or-"

"Quit dawdling." He waved the passes in front of her. "Our celebrations are just getting started."

Come nightfall, the duo arrived just in time for the party taking place at Sada's Disco. Even though you'd expect most of Ravnica's lights out at this time, the nightclub was still washed in blinking shades or red, orange and yellow all night.

Sada's shared Ravnica's spirit in the daytime, but had it taken to the extreme. It had everything: dances ranging from those done on the dance floor to the ones made on one's laps; indulgent gorging of every dish imaginable made from every beast; loud singing, some of which were offensive rap songs; lewd jiggying; coffee and bumbat drinking contests with cult movies (from a newly invented Izzet gizmo) and violent "play" fighting. All these wild activities took place in the same room, which was okay since the room was as grand as the Red Mill's dance hall.

Drakken and Shego had only been in the nightclub for an hour, and both were already wasted from drinking too much wine and lap dancing.

"You know what, Dr. D?" Shego raised her head from the table and faced drunken Drakken, who rested his head on his arms. "This hash been the best idea you had shince that coco moo thing. And that idea sucked, lemme tell ya."

He lifted his hand and slobbishly swept his hand towards her, shrugging. "Feh, I dun care anymore, Misshush Gren. I told yuh that coco moo wasn't my originul idea, I shtole it fum Demented. Rube didn't shee that cummin'"

They didn't budge when a man in rags and platemail flew over their heads and crashed on the stone floor. "That'll teach ya!" shouted another opposite the direction of the heavily punched warrior. The assaulter approached the duo's table and sat beside the green lady. "Hey good-lookin', the name's Terry. Is this seat taken?"

Shego faced the menacing man in the blood-splattered spike armor, but seemed to ignore his imposing visage. "Ooh, baby." She yelled at his face. "This may be the drink talking, but yu're kinda ki-yute!" She ignited one of her forefingers. "Want a light, on me?"

He raised an eye-brow and cracked a sinister smile. "Forget the light, greenlips. I want the whole box!" He grabbed her right arms and sank his lips on hers. Then Shego and the man recklessly dropped to the floor, her back first.

Drakken shook his head and spat at them. "Hey, stop that. She's my ride home."

A zombie viashino stepped at the main stage and slapped out his burning hand as he shouted the raunchy nightclub patrons for their attention. He coughed out a number of bugs to clear his throat further, and then spoke in a hollow yet jolly voice. "Alright, fellow hedons! This is the part where we test the new gizmo made by our risk brothers, the Izzet." He motioned the other undead assistants to push on stage what looked like a karaoke box. "Who wants to try this out?" he waved at the system.

A number of patrons eagerly raised their hands to indulge with their singing voices. Drakken suddenly shot his hand at the air. "Ooh, ooh. Pick me! Pick me!"

The undead viashino looked at the crowd. "Ah, a vedalken visitor: the first one to come here, and he brought hair!" He gestured Drakken on stage with his charred hand, much to the other patrons' dismay. "Okay, what will you be singing for us tonight, Mr. Blue?" he asked.

Drakken snatched the mike from the zombie's hand and tried to slur a few words. "Er..."

The living corpse snatched the mike and shouted to the audience. "Heck, I don't care if it's a love song or a mourning song, just play it loud!" He pushed back the mike to Drakken's chest and proceeded to jump off the stage.

Drakken, thinking hard, remembered the product placement rap he had for his brainwashing shampoo and did a bit of an improv, with the karaoke machine churning out the background music he had in his memory as the audience watched.

The man stopped caressing Shego and raised himself up. "Hey, what's say we ditch the blue dude and continue this at the Maadi?"

She smiled. "Hehe. Dr. D won't mind, Terry. He said he can take care of hisself." Terry and Shego ran to the exit onto the cold Ravnican night without Drakken noticing.

Drakken bowed his head as he finished his rap, and was met, no surprise, with boos and hisses. "You're song sucked!" cried an eye-patched minotaur.

Jarred, he spat back at the creature. "You wanna make something out of it, cowboy?" From the influence of liquor, he lost his composure and lunged at the minotaur with his pointed fingers.

The bull man grabbed him in the chest and proceeded to wallop him with a fist. But Drakken sank his teeth at the grabbing hand and shook himself free onto the minotaur's head while whacking him with the mike. Soon everybody in the nightclub joined in the brawl: chairs were either thrown or smashed onto unsuspecting faces; ogres and zombies had meatclub fights; and fire was used recklessly!

This usually concluded the nightclub hours until daybreak.

All of a sudden, a number of knights, soldiers, and vedalken guildmages bursted through the nightclub's entrance, possibly called to call off the riot that regularly occurs in Sada's every night. "Alright you punks, break it up!" called out the chief knight, in his pristine armor. The crowd ignored the Azorius public squad and continued the random acts of violence.

He gestured to the others. "Just as I thought. Get them troops!" The knights took up their swords, disabled the big brutes and pinned them to the ground. The vedalken simply stomped their staffs onto the ground. These actions immediately doused flaming objects, brought thrown projectiles directly to the ground and sent a sharp sting onto the mouths of those shouting expletives.

"Alright everyone, arrest these rabble rousers before they spread the mayhem on the rest of Rav." The chief knight ordered.

"Uh chief, the blue guy there is still standing. And no one wants to cuff him." A soldier pointed towards Drakken.

"What are you afraid of, soldier? You were trained against magic." Cried the chief, mistaking Drakken for one of the rogue vedalken.

"I was talking about his breath, sir." The soldier covered his nose in response.

"Oh, so yuh brought comany huh? I can take yuh all out!" Drakken waved a broken mike on the new arrivals.

"Minnie, get that plastered blue guy on rehab." The chief motioned one of the guildmages to Drakken's direction.

Minnie approached the artificer, holding her breath. "Easy there, sir. I don't want to hurt you."

"Thash easy fur yuu to say!" Drakken waved the mike towards her.

She disarmed him by hitting the mike with her staff. However, Minnie didn't expect the laser pointer he suddenly drew from his pocket. A single shot and the bewildered vedalken was reduced to ash.

"Ooh, dis thing is bedder than I tot." Drakken tried to laugh but was stopped when a cocoon of cool blue energy enveloped him, keeping his drunken jovial visage in suspension.

The chief knight was shaken at Minnie's fate. "Damn, and she was one day away from retirement." He pointed at the exit. "Take him away, boys." His troops lifted Drakken's energy cocoon and brought him out, as well as the other participants in the brawl.

The undead viashino came up from behind a broken table and took a broom. "It's funny they stirred like that. I liked his rap." As he swept the floor, he drove a finger onto one of his ears and took out a live squirming rat. "Seriously". He opened his maw and slid the rodent onto his throat greedily.

* * *

Drakken felt a draught when the cocoon dissipated around him. The first thing he saw when he regained awareness was his new location, a wide courtroom draped in banners sporting the triangle symbol of the Azorius Senate. The jury, composed of humans and vedalken clad in fur coats, argued in a droning tone no one can understand. An imposing man in bluish white robes, possibly the judge, pounded the gavel to call the jury's attention.

"Here ye, the court acknowledge the charges posed against Drew Lipsky, renowned artificer."

"What the?" Drakken seemed to have lost his intoxication and skipped his hangover. "Where am I? How did he know my name?"

"This is Phrav, home of the Senate." replied the man beside him in a Rob Paulsen voice. "Every law wizard here knows how to read minds. By the way, I'm your defending attorney" he eagerly shook Drakken's hand "Were gonna get through this, don't worry. If the trial reaches five years and you're still called guilty, you can kill me."

"Five...years?" Drakken said as he shook at the thought. "Where's Shego when I need her?"

The judge continued by reading from a long list. "Drew Lipsky, hereby known as Doctor Drakken, has been charged for the following: unauthorized operation of a flying vehicle without a license..."

_Damn! I thought I got rid of the evidence._ Drakken thought.

"...impersonating an Azorius official..."

Ah, so that's why that barkeep looked at me funny.

"...killing an Azorius guildmage..."

The defending lawyer whistled. "Shoot, that's gonna be tough to top".

"...and it says here you have multiple attempts of conquering a planet called...Earth?" The judge raised an eyebrow.

Goody, what else is new?

"Protocol states that I recite every offense you commited. However, since we were rash with the trial considering that you killed a guildmage, a heavy crime, we have forgotten to swear to the Azorius signet over the courtroom. All rise..."

"...for the Grand Arbiter Leonos II." cried a knight from outside the room. The judge, jury, and even Drakken rose and suddenly looked out.

A floating chair loomed towards the courtroom, carrying a man in a white hood and dark spectacles. He carried a stern expression as he spoke. "What is all this, then?"

"The whole courtroom was ablazed with excitement from Leonos' presence. The defending lawyer swooned. "That's the Grand Arbiter" he told Drakken "He's the grand poobah of the whole world."

"That guy?" Drakken raised his eyebrow at the floating chair, which seemed to cover Leonos' lower torso.

Leonos waited a few moments for the crowd to settle. "As my predecessor before me would say: Silence!" The whole room suddenly followed the Grand Arbiter's order.

His chair loomed towards the judge. "Magistrate Reemus, what are the charges for this blue man?"

"Master, we were just about to swear to the signet when you entered. This man is charged for impersonating a vedalken officer, killing a vedalken guildmage..."

"Excuse me" he stopped Reemus. "Did you say 'kill'?"

"Yes, Master."

"Then what is the point of this long trial? Killing a vedalken guildmage is a severe offence. In fact..." He faced Drakken and pointed him with a mace, which mimicked the pounding of a gavel. "Let us skip this and proceed to your execution."

"Huh?" exclaimed Drakken. "Aren't you going to give me a life sentence, instead?"

"Hush, Mr. Lipsky!" He sharply answered. "The Grand Master's word is law."

"You can't do this to me!" He stepped up and aimed his laser pointer towards Leonos, but was stopped when the stasis cocoon quickly enveloped him once again.

"Aw, I lose more clients this way." Said the lawyer

Leonos floated back to the exit. "Kindly relieve Mr. Lipsky of any dangerous weapons as he is escorted to the stasis cell chambers, will you?" He requested the knights, and then faced the jury and Reemus. "As for everyone, take five, you all need a month's break."

* * *

Damn it, thought Drakken. All I wanted was to take over this place, and I was bested by a floating midget and his clumsy cronies.

The worst part is that Shego seemed to have run away from me, with that crazy-ass no doubt. Without her, I'm powerless.

Plus, I'm stuck in this shell for who knows how long, awaiting my demise, bleh. I hope my mother's still happy back home.

How am I supposed to conquer this world now?

_Did you say, conquer?_

What, who said that? How can you hear me? This thing seals out voices.

_I am your inner voice, Drakken. Nice name , by the way. I have been hearing the pleas, gripes and ambitions in your thoughts since you came here. The only way you can best the Grand Arbiter and conquer all of Ravnica is by learning something your technologies never taught you._

What are you talking about?

_What else? Magic. Spellslinging, Sorcery._

You mean like in the card game?

_What card game?_

Well, there's this game based on your world, which I stole by the box from a card sh-

_I care not for games, Drew. Though I do like the concept of the Prisoner's Dilemma._

Oh-kay. This is weird. I must be very delusional from drinking too much that I'm hearing an economist inside my head.

_Shut up._ _Unfortunately for you, that is the only way you can survive this city. From magic flows untold power. Would you like power?_

Sure, who doesn't?

_Splendid answer, Drakken. Now, you only have to imagine ruin for this cell, and you can make it so._

Do I have to concentrate hard?

_All you have to do is call upon the places you visited in your life, draw the energy found in these, and forge a spell._

_Well?_

Does prison count?

_Idiot! Are you that dense?_

Well, do you have any bright ideas, Mr. Touchy?

_Indeed I do. Here is a spell I glanced at while you were looking at that lawyer's papers._

The stasis cell began to sport bright cracks. Like an egg, it shattered in a million pieces, dropping Drakken to the stone cold floor.

"I can't believe it; I can move my mouth again."

_Impressive, isn't it? What magic can do?_

"You're still here?"

_I will be, as long as you're alive._

"Great." Drakken said sarcastically.

The light in the stasis cell chamber brightened and an alarm sounded. _I bet these Azorius imbeciles never expected anyone to break their cells that easily. Can you sense the guards, Drakken?_

"I can hear footsteps."

_Good. Now, have you ever been to the sewers?_

I've been to New York.

_Whatever. Draw the memories, and grab your shadow._

"Grab my sha-"

_Do it!_

"You're the boss." After Drakken concentrated, he gripped the shadow made from the light and pulled it out in amazement. _Wrap it around you like a cloak. _Drakken felt the shadow's chilling touch as he sank into it, rendering him transparent.

Three knights opened the exit. "Good lord, one of the prisoners escaped."

_This is the fun part. Slap them all with the cloak._ Drakken waved a transparent hand onto the heads of the three knights. Feeling a colder draft, they shivered inside their bulky armor.

"This is unacceptable."

"Quickly, he couldn't have gone far. Alert the others."

_Anyone slapped by the shadow will be lead into a wild goose chase, giving you enough time to escape. Quickly, go._

Drakken ran as fast as his legs could carry him, still with the cloak, through the chilly halls of Phrav. His legs eventually carried him to the kitchen, a room of sweltering twenty degrees. A late night chef was stirring a pot of creamy liquid.

"Hehe, wait'll the Grand Arbiter tastes my signature dog gumbo."

"Don't they have regulations against that?" his assistant began to ask.

"Eh, Scruffy had it coming."

_Ignore those cooks. Focus on the exit._

Drakken spotted the door that lead outside, opened it and rushed outside, only to find his feet touch open air. He screamed as he fell twenty feet from the ground towards an open manhole. He landed in a ten-foot deep canal of water with a violent splash.

The chef turned his head towards the open exit. "Ey, close that door, it's getting drafty in here."

"Ever considered getting a functional portal?" irked his assistant again.

"Yeah, well the Senate are cheapskates with the repairs."

The artificer caught his breath when his head broke the surface, which was once again visible. "This wasn't how I wanted to escape that place."

_Relax, Drakken. This is all going to plan._

"What you mean, going to plan?"

_The sewers are home to the most secretive guild in all of Ravnica: House Dimir. Find their clubhouse and become their leader._

"House Dimir? Through this dank place?"

_You crave power, do you not? Finding this guild is one step to world domination._

Drakken's eyes lit up. "In that case, show me the way."

Drakken shambled around the vile muck found in the sewage. With the guidance of the "inner voice", he was lead eventually to a large grotto surrounded by a pool of bleached bones and bathed in blue light filtered from above.

_This, believe it or not, is the_ _guildhall_ Duskmantle.

"It's not much." said Drakken.

_Not yet. To render the guildhall visible, repeat after me: Eh y cbyla frana drana echu nuus…_

"What?"

_I can't hear you._

"Alright. Ey yi isbila frana drana ek hu nose."

_...eh y cdnildina dryd fyc hajan piemd…_

"Ey yi sidnilina dried fick hajan pie mei."

_...Saadc dra kiemt dryd tuach'd aqecd._

"Sadke dra kiemt dried two wack akekid."

_Pffrt, close enough._

A platform erupted in the middle of the pool, taking with it a few bones. Metal beams shot out of the platform, unfolding like a room divider around it and compressed until it resembled a fat cave column. Lights began to dot the column as if it was inhabited. The main doorways, with steps of cold stone, creaked open the thick ebony, as if it beckoned Drakken in.

_What are you waiting for? Claim the House. I have to warn you though, the guild deals with the secret no mere mortal can stomach._

"After reciting that crazy poetry, I'm ready for anything."

He stepped inside to find a hall basking in golden light. Two stairways flowed from the second floor and a golden headless statue greeted him.

_That was the club's former leader, he was such a recluse that he ordered a sculptor to do his profile minus his face._

A purr came from a darkened room and came out to the foyer in the form of a grey Persian Cat.

_She was the leader's cat, Shea._ _Are you cat lover, Drakken?_

Um, no.

_Too bad._

Shea raised her fur when she sensed Commodore Puddle's scent and hissed. At this signal, purple smoke erupted from the dark archways making way for two Dimir guildmages in navy blue garb and eerie skeletons with floating skulls brandishing cold blades.

"Who are you, blue man?" asked one of the mages in a sinister tone. "No outsider knows the secret to entering Duskmantle."

"He must be a spy, sent by Leonos." Said another as blue energy hummed from his palms. "Let's beat him up and sic him at Circu."

"Tsk, I was hoping that it wouldn't come to this." He tried to fish out the laser pointer. "It's gone, doh!"

"You shouldn't have come here, spy! Kill him!" the blue-garbed wizard ordered the skeletons to attack. However, just as they were about to sink a blade on him, a strong force knocked everyone around Drakken and broke the bones of every skeleton warrior.

_Fools, don't you recognise me?_ The inner voice boomed for all to hear.

Drakken suddenly fainted and bumped excruciatingly to a table as the specter of the tall ponytailed man he met earlier rose from his mouth. It appeared that he had black hair, no pupils, and a fang jutted out of his mouth. He licked his lips with satisfaction as he addressed the pale wizards. "Missed me?"

One of the pale wizards rose and gasped at the visage. "L-l-Lord Szadek?"

Szadek stifled a laugh upon hearing his name. "The one and only. I see that you guys took care of the place while I was away."

"We didn't know you were dead. The necrosages said you ascended and left us."

"Heh, don't believe everything my necrosages say." he shrugged. Shea jumped on the table and was stroked by his non-corporeal master. "I missed you too, Shea" he cooed.

The other wizard rose to his feet. "No offence, my Lord, what are you doing inside this ugly vedalken?"

"For your information, he's an ordinary human. He just suffers from a bad case of ambition."

"Ambition?"

"I found him in a flying machine while I was walking from the heights of Agyrem, thinking of a way to escape that crowded place. Dr. Drakken intends to conquer the world. I figured that he would make an excellent acting leader for the guild while I advice him from the shadows, don't you think?"

"Sure, anything you say, my Lord"

"Treat him just like family, and…" He gazed at the artificer from his feet. "…remember our code."

"Keep it secret." The wizards replied.

"That's my boys." He laughed as he faded away.

The warriors' bones on the floor began to float and reconnect into skeletons once again. The two wizards lifted Drakken from his arms and slapped his face.

"Wha? What's going on?" he asked groggily.

"Drakken, was it?" one of the wizards said. "Sorry about that, we had to screen those who come here."

"Huh?" He broke from their grip. "I may not have my laser pointer, or Shego, but I bet I can beat the two of you in a fair fight (sadly)."

"Cool it, man. If you wish to take over the guild, be our guest."a guildmage said as the skeleton guards knelt and offered the hilts of their blades to the artificer.

He stopped and looked at them, dumbfounded. "What? You're giving me the club just like that?"

"Sure, Sza-erk" the wizard almost blurted out Szadek's name when the other elbowed him in the stomach. "I mean, anyone who can enter this house without any other member's help deserve to lead us, right?"

"If you put it that way, mind if I gloat?"

"Go nuts, no one can hear you."

"Gwahahahaha!" he laughed and wiped a tear from his eye. "Man, do you know how long I bottled that up?"

"We don't wanna know, seriously."

"Eh, it's your loss."

"Now that you're the leader, do you wish to see the 'secret room'?"

"Ooh, go on." Drakken replied as he was lead to one of the dark archways.

* * *

"Aw, it's only a surveillance room." He disappointedly whined at the crystal ball in the middle of the room. On the far wall hanged a tapestry showing the symbols of the ten guilds, with Selesnya's symbol gashed by a messy cross.

"On the contrary." The wizard beside him began to explain. "This room shows any part of the world you will it to be."

"That's no fun, my system can let you see ten scenes, plus it has cable."

"_It is painful to let go."_

"What was that?" he turned to the globe.

"It seems to be coming from Vitu-Ghazi." The wizard pressed the globe and in an instant the scene of the Vitu-Ghazi battle aftermath began to appear.

"Isn't that Coolie Hat?"

"Who?"

"And who's that freak he's talking to? He looks familiar..."

"_Well, you know: that's life. Things come, Things go. And you know what else? It doesn't get any easier."_

"_I couldn't have put it better." _

"What the heck are they talking about?"

"We seemed to have missed that." The other wizard began to say. "But one thing is for sure, Dr. Drakken: the death of the Selesnya leader and the destruction of her temple have crippled the guilds' treaty."

"I don't have time for politics. What about my plans for world domination?"

"That has serious consequences on the world, sir. Ravnica may not admit it, but they are interdependent with the other nine guilds."

"How is that importa-...oh, I see." the trademark smile dawned in his face as two and two made four.

A bandaged figure came in with his hand inside his cloak. "My lord, I found this among the wreckage of the City Tree." He fished out the Kimmunicator.

Drakken gasped. "Shego was right. Kim Possible is still alive!"

"Kim Possible, sir?"

"She's the teen who always ruins my plans." He then stopped and smiled "Buuut, wait'll she sees how far I went now. Hehehe."

"So how do you wish to eliminate her, Dr. Drakken?"

"Not us, man. Them." He pointed at the symbol tapestry. "We don't want to get our hands dirty, do we?" He rubbed his hands together in delight.

* * *

**Ravnica Glossary ('coz you're gonna need it)**

**Azorius Senate** – Like the name suggests, the Azorius are a band of government officials who proudly rule the city of guilds with their mastery of the Guildpact and laws. They used to focus on keeping chaos and change from happening in the city to keep the peace, but they seemed to have calmed down after the events in _Dissension_. The guild, a group composed mainly of humans and blue-skinned Vedalken, is currently headed by the **Grand Arbiter Leonos II**, the actual ruler of Ravnica.

**House Dimir** – I can't tell you much about the Dimir, except that the club was so secretive that not every member can trust another (I mean, few people have even seen the leader face-to-face). No one knows the exact role of the club in society, but you can bet that ahem they have their hands on our minds waiting to pick the juicy bits of informaiton. **Szadek**, a psychic vampire, ruled the guild for more than ten millennia, until he was slain by the former Grand Arbiter. Szadek employed stealthy humans, as well as undead creatures like skeletons, zombies and ghosts to manipulate the world in his wishes.


	5. Run Around

Kim felt cold moist loam on her underside. The smell of rot stung her nostrils as she became aware of her surroundings. Though her eyes were wide open, her vision was completely dim save for the faint beam radiating from the surface.

Her face was against Jake's chest. The Anthrozil turned back into a human hours after the battle on the City Tree. He was still holding on to her for dear life, even though they've already fell.

Feeling uneasy in this predicament, Kim tapped Jake's back with a free hand to rouse him. He immediately responded by rising up, only to hit his head on a wooden statue over him.

"Ow, Watch out Rose!" A confused Jake immediately realized that he was on top of Kim. "Oh, sorry." He immediately planted his shoes on the soft loam and pushed over the statue, which happened to be Mat'Selesnya's corpse. Jake took Kim's hand and helped her stand up.

"Kim, I had a dream with Rose again. We were just talking about you and Ron when you woke me up." He explained with a nervous laugh. "She'll never believe this..."

"I bet she will." She replied as she wiped of the loam from her new mission clothes. "A shower would be good right now." She then looked around the vast sewerland. "Where are we?"

"The Undercity. Feather said that this place was built over by buildings on the surface. There are a lot of monsters in here."

Kim stared at the high ceiling "Shoot, I lost my Kimmunicator back up there. Can't we go back?"

"No Problem." Jake shifted back to a dragon and grabbed Kim's arms. After three flaps from his wings, the sound of a strained muscle immediately forced him to land.

"Darn, my wings were crunched by Mat on the way down. I can't fly." A disappointed Amerasian sighed as he became human again in a puff of smoke.

"Great and my grappler isn't long enough." Kim said with a huff, and then surveyed the sewers once more. "We have to find another way out of this place."

"What are we gonna do with Mat's body?"

She scoffed at the petrified corpse "Leave it, she had it coming."

Kim and Jake crossed a short bridge situated over a bubbling pool. They only had a few steps when Jake stopped.

"I hear something." He turned back to where they landed and shouted. "Kim, something is happening to Mat."

Kim raised an eyebrow to the source of amazement. Blue shiny worms began feasting over the Selesnyan leader's gnarly corpse.

"That was sure quick" She replied with amazement and repulsion at the sight of these extraordinary night crawlers.

"Those must be the lupuls I've heard so much about. They're magic leeches that eat dead bodies."

"Exactly what makes them magical?"

The satiated lupuls on top of the wood stopped eating and began forming a slimy version of Mat'Selesnya's face. Others were still squirming, but eventually everyone took their part to reconstruct the guild leader's appearance. Lupul Mat's wooden eyes sparked as she wiped off the secretions from her brow, which indicated that her memory was restored after her violent descent. She spotted the two heroes and gave out an unnatural shriek that echoed within the sewers, then leapt up the ceiling's crack.

"She bolted it" exclaimed a wide-eyed Kim. The duo ran back to the loam pit from which Mat's corpse lay.

"Yup, but that's not Mat."

"What do you mean?"

"Feather said that lupuls take the form of another dead dude. This makes them ideal spies for their boss."

"Someone actually commands these things?"

"Uh, huh: a vampire, living in the sewers."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"You don't have to. But he's real, and he stands for everything the Boros hates."

"So, what do you think that impostor dryad is going to do?"

* * *

"Goooooood Morning, Ravnica. This is not a drill; this is pure rock and roll! Adi Cro here to give you fours hours of non-stop adrenaline-pumped bard spit (and no, we don't use magic to rouse you up, but thank you for asking). First up though, the news-Tetetetetetetetteeteh-elves, saplins' and various tree-hugging folk are flabbergasted when the Selesnyan meeting place Vitu-Ghazi crumbled to dust early this morning. 

Said one open-mouthed elf, _'I 'ave been a gardener of the Ghazi since the first Guildpact was signed. Watered 'er good everyday I did. Didn't expect 'er to just break down like that, though. Figured the Man wanted to kill 'er to make way for a new cinema or something. And they said we're the opium of the people.'_

_The Parun of the guild Mat'Selesnya, has come out of the wreckage unscathed despite this violent event. Afterwards, she held a press conference at the Pillar Square. 'It was clear that this was an attempt on our lives' she said. 'We proclaim that all followers of Vitu-Ghazi to initiate a manhunt effective immedia-"_

"Pipe down, you zealous hippie!"

"Hey, I was listenin' to that!" Ron retorted through bread stuffed cheeks.

Adi took off his earphones and directed his offended face at the Cantor. "Miss, Will ya keep it down? We're trying to record on location here, and some of the crew hasn't even had breakfast yet." He gestured at the other Boros radiomen on the adjacent tables.

The time was barely nine, but shops already opened in Ravnica. Both the Wojek and Haazda forces patrolled the streets for any sign of trouble, while grocers and traders and café owners let out their props as they welcomed the unadulterated morning. Beggars and pickpockets clambered that place, either asking for alms or stealing them.

Ron and Sut looked strange to the regular patrons of the open air restaurant from which they were having breakfast. Ron was still shirtless, and powdered with dust from the alley on which they slept for the night. His hair was messier than usual, with his cowlicks splitting off into fives. Rufus wasn't a basket of fruit either: with eyebags forming over his loose skin.

Sut regained her composure as she raised her clenched fist from the busted radio on the table, which released a scent of singed copper. "Sorry, Father raised me this way. How are you're eggs?" she said without looking at the plate of half-eaten omelet in front of the currently unkempt Ron.

"These are good, light and fluffy. It could use a little salt though." He took a packet and tore open a mound on the yellow stuff.

"My gosh, Rufus looks terrible."

"Poor buddy." Ron stroked Rufus' tired head. "Remember that dream I had last night? Someone was getting busy with Kim and I was screaming my guts out. Damn, I was afraid that this 'Eric-the-Synthrodrone' thing was happening all over again."

"Eric the Synthro-what?"

"Some guy KP had the hots for. Turned out he was a robot."

"It's just a dream, Ron. Either that or lost souls were drifting through your brain. At least, that's what I know".

"Hey, you know what I just noticed?" He spat as he waved his fork around her. "We did nothing but walk around yesterday."

She let out a nervous laugh as she recalled what Ghut Rak told him yesterday, before they left Skarrg:

_Yer right, daughter. Not only does he display an aura of power underneath that flimsy frame, he has spirit too. I could give yea a strict training schedule to make sure he makes the best of his abilities, but we're Gruul: we don't care for schedules. It's best that you make this up as yea go._

"I'm still thinking of how to train you into harnessing your mystical powers. And so far, this planning stage has been fruitless. So were taking a break, and this is an ideal place."

He raised an eyebrow at this statement. "A fast-food joint in the middle of uh, civilization? Won't your Dad get mad if he finds you here?"

"Don't worry." She smiled, resting her chin on her fingers. "He knows every nook and cranny in Rav's squatter areas, but he never bothers to look hard in the shops. The Gruul don't care for material possessions."

"Except for my shirt." He frowned.

"Besides, I work here."

"Really?" He exclaimed as he sipped a cup of coffee. "I knew there was something strange about a girl like you living with these guys."

"Hey Sut, filling in for anybody?"

A new guest suddenly sat opposite the Cantor, wearing a loose black shirt, be-goggled baseball cap, and a smile on his droopy-eyed face.

"Missy, you is looking hot!" declared the dark-furred opossum that floated onto his shoulder which sported a platinum tail-ring.

"Daku, behave." He shushed the rodent's mouth with a finger.

Sut sighed and rolled her eyes. "Good morning, Leon. I told you, I only work on the weekends."

"You don't have to tell me twice, Sut." He spotted Ron. "Who's your new friend? Don't tell me, I know this." Leon pressed his fingers onto his own forehead "You're blond, so you'd have to be rich…"

"Dumbass!" Daku whipped his head with the ringed tail. "Can't you see his 'pet'?" he said as he pointed to Rufus.

Leon's eyes widened as he tried to stutter his awe. "No, it can't be! You're Ron Stoppable, here in Ravnica. That's amazing!" he snatched a bewildered Ron's hands and shook them "I can't wait to do the same to Kim."

"Uh, nice to meet you too, Dude." Ron jiggled.

Daku let out a sigh. "You did good, kid. He never got this excited before."

"How did he know my name?" Ron questioned the opossum.

"Hello, every artist must have at least some knowledge of KP and her posse."

"Leon claims to be an artist-in-training when he came here, having the ability to draw things into reality." Sut explained.

"Yup. That's how I got my familiar Daku here out into the open." Leon poked at the floating rodent.

Daku batted Leon's finger away. "Stop that, it's a form of abuse." he shouted.

"I didn't know the Azorius considered poking familiars abuse."

"Look it up. It's in there under 'Sue Privileges and Responsibilities'" the familiar crossed his arms with a satisfied smile. Leon could only stare at him with curious disbelief.

"Leon." Sut's voice brought the artist-in-training back to the previous conversation. "If you know some history about Ron, then maybe you could help me."

"Sure, Sut. Anything for you."

"Uh, huh." She look at Ron and asked if they could be excused for a moment. "Leon, Father put me in charge to further develop his mystical monkey powers."

"I see." He seemed disappointed. "He wants to go Gruul you mean? Well, you won't have any problems with that."

"But I've only been a cantor for a few months, plus look at him." She pointed at Ron, who's threatening the two rodents with chopsticks up his nose.

Leon raised an eyebrow. "Where the heck did he get those?"

"Beats me, we don't even supply them."

"Anyway, you came to the right place Sut." He adjusted his dark jacket. "One question, though: what day is it today?"

"Isn't today the anniversary of the- of course, you're right Leon! I was afraid I would make him beat up a carcass in the butcher shop."

"You read my mind. You go make the preparations for the 'training', while I set Ron's mind."

"Handle him with care, Leon." Sut Rak sped up across the road.

"Ron, put those away will ya? That's disgusting." He gestured with his own nose.

"What, it doesn't hurt. By the way, where's Sut?"

"She's gone to the zoo, an hour's walk from here. She's planning a huge party with your favorite food over there."

Ron's eyes lit up "No kidding? Naco's?! I haven't had one of those for three days."

"I bet you do. She told me that you'll get the biggest helping."

Daku flitted and whispered on Leon's ear. "I have big ears, Leon. You know that the zoo is home to the nastiest and most ferocious beasts in this world, which also happen to be Ron's ba-" The artist-in-training grabbed his familiar's face with a nervous smile.

"Don't mind him. He's prone to saying stuff that spoil you fun."

Ron rubbed his palms together in delight "So then, where's the zoo?"

"The shortest way to get there is by crossing Tin Street." Leon said, pointing at the road where Sut ran off. Many beggars and buskers began gathering there. "You just have to be careful, Ron. For you see, today is-"

"Outta my way, ratboy!" shouted a frenzied Ron as he pushed Leon aside and ran, grasping a startled Rufus by the neck, through the crowded street.

"That was an insult!" cried Daku, who waved his fist at the unkempt kid.

"That guy is definitely Gruul." Said Leon as he briskly drew and pulled out a portable sound system. "Let's follow him".

Daku rested on Leon's shoulder as the artist-in-training began to sprint. He asked his creator "What are the tunes for?"

"You'll see."

"That's right folks: if you checked your calendars this morning, you'll find that today is the birth anniversary of Niv-Mizzet, the Izzet Parun (which gives him an excuse to get presents twice a year). Whether you're a member who's off to see this wizard or an innocent by-stander lollygagging today, exercise Wojek-approved caution for once again the Gruul have a reason to-"

**RAUCK CHAUV!!**

A deafening yell echoed in the streets, and the sound of heavy footsteps rocked the roads. Beggars and buskers loitering on the sidewalks took off their tunics to reveal disguised Gruul warriors and berserkers, causing people to panic and run indoors screaming. The slower ones were knocked on the head with clubs and pelted with rotten produce. Jars and knickknacks on sale were broken into many pieces with makeshift maces and dull shivs. An Orzhov priest and a Selesnyan Evangel strangled each other while shouting stuff in the lines of "You farshtinkening schnitz! I told you the end of the world is upon us!", before having their heads knocked together by a disgruntled giant.

Ron saw the Clanners participating in the mayhem all around him. An out-of-place anthropomorphic donkey tried to cleave him with a wayward battle axe on his left side and a lizardman recklessly jabbed a rusty knife on his right tried to find home, but he batted both weapons back to their not-so-accepting owners' schnozzles. The goblins Ron met before adapted his defensive maneuver and launched flaming bags of offal onto his direction. Miraculously, he avoided as they splattered the ground.

A troll in improvised armor, filled with bloodlust, readied his club at the only thing that didn't have a fair-toned complexion. Seeing as the creature was in his way, Ron grabbed a large shard of pottery and threw it at the troll's bare abdomen. The shard sank to his chest but the warrior plucked it out, causing the wound to heal quickly.

The troll proceeded to wallop the ground where Ron was standing, causing the bricked terrain to shatter and shower it with dust and stone. The troll was unaware that Rufus suddenly latched onto its crooked nose and caused it insurmountable pain as the naked mole rat and his friend escaped. The troll turned around and readied to chase his annoying quarry, but crashed to the ground face first and trampled by Leon.

A sane man would have thought twice and rushed to the other direction of Clanners celebrating Rauck Chauv for fear of being beaten up and humiliated in public, but he didn't care. Ron has had this craving for creamy, saucy, tortilla goodness since he came into this crazy burg and not even a walking abandoned subdivision can keep him from his goal. Coincidently, a vivified mound of empty buildings was in his way. How a rumbling mass of slums even fitted in Tin Street, I wouldn't know (It's THAT big).

The slum held a flailing Izzet engineer with one of its rocky hands and an old Orzhov contractor with the other. It shook them both in front of it while mouthing out a few windblown words from its wobbly pillars and flagstones in an attempt to speak.

The Orzhov took out his monocle and eyed the slum. "Chorris Fields? Is that you? Didn't I have you sent out to the wastes to make way for a new swimming resort?"

The Chorris Fields slum replied by swallowing the two that caused its ire. It eagerly ground their bones within its rocky exterior, unaware that the blond teen leapt up its jutting flagstones feeling for the "Achilles" stone. A sudden push of the stone from the assembly hall on its forehead caused the vivified slum to collapse, enabling Ron and Rufus to slide on the avalanche of debris with the stone plate.

"Gnarly stonesurfing, Ron!" Leon cheered.

As Leon ran, Adi played the rush song "Run Around", which blared on top volume from the sound system.

Daku gave him an accusing look, to which Leon replied "What? I requested it."

"Just admit that you haven't heard this song for a while." Said the clinging rodent.

"Make that a looong time, Daku." Leon replied to his familiar.

* * *

As Kim and Jake stared in awe at the gaping hole from which Vitu-Ghazi once stood, two orange lights blinked from the darkness. Their owner, a grayscale crocodile, let out a growl and sprung towards Jake in an attempt to snap his body with its teeth. An alarmed Jake's hands formed claws which clasped the snout and jaw, which kept the crocodile from cleaving him in two. 

"Kim, I could use some help here." the struggling anthrozil shouted.

"I'm on it." Kim zipped to the flailing reptile and poked its eye with a finger. It whimpered as it let Jake out of its grip and fled to a pool of dark water.

"That was close. I coulda died from lockjaw." He sighed with relief.

Not long after the crocodile's attack, a chilling wind blew on their faces. Kim and Jake turned to find a massive figure in a navy blue cloak stepping out from the void. From its hood radiated a pair of yellow orbs which flashed like headlights.

Jake however, felt unmoved by the looming presence. "I've seen scarier dudes than you. Put 'em up."

"Jake, what are you doing?" A terrified Kim took him by the collar and ran like hell to the opposite direction, as the shade's eyes invoked a feeling of dread that only dark souls can resist.

"What? I ain't feelin' it."

The shade snapped its fingers and in an instant, a phalanx of hideous soldiers appeared behind it. It gestured to their quarry, and the horrors charged after them.

They eventually came to a steep slope which flowed to a vast reservoir. Without his flight and with her sudden loss of courage, they're close to becoming one of the Undercity's countless victims.

"Uh, t-t-this never happened to me before." Kim shivered behind Jake.

"The eyes, Kim. Don't look at it eyes." He pointed at the shade.

"I-I c-c-can't help it."

"If you're having trouble, you can use these specs." He quickly fished out a pair of shades and slid them on her eyes. "I got them for training to fight creatures of the night."

"Whoa, thanks Jake." Kim immediately got her spine back while she adjusted the specs. She readied her stance. "Whatever happens, we won't die here."

The shade didn't care about its quarry's sudden resolve. It merely inhaled the mana all around it and grew twice its size. With a throaty shriek, it ordered the phalanx to attack them.

Two horrors advanced towards Kim, their long clawed arms lunging at her. With the right timing, she jumped and landed on both their arms and slammed at their faces with her palms. They both retaliated with their other arms, but a simple crouch caused their moves to backfire. She left the beaten pair and stomped a long-faced monster on the forehead, whom she swung towards the shade for a big bonus (the bonus being that they would take less time to defeat the shade).

Jake took his tail and tripped five horrors with one swing. He sat on the dazed pile admiring his handiwork as another horror with a rusty sword lashed on his back. He shielded its blow with a scaled right arm and wrestled it off. The result wasn't pretty as the anthrozil held a limp ichor-dripping arm.

The shade, angered at the phalanx's poor performance, loomed towards Kim: its deformed hand was bloated from gathered black mana. It jabbed her like a smoking trident, inches from her body, but the hand was potent enough to cut tears on her clothes without touching Kim.

Sensing the shade's advantage, she somersaulted away and spun a discarded shield toward the navy blue ghost in an attempt to weaken it. The shade slapped the shield into a million shards as it readied for another deadly jab. Kim then took a discarded spear and tried to slap the shade's arm, but after three strokes the weapon crumbled. She asked herself: how do you kill this thing?

Jake sniffed the horror's blood. He found it suspicious that it smelled a lot like oil. Jake immediately ripped the limbs off of the horrors' corpse and ignited them with his breath. "Heads up, Kim" was the echoed shout as he threw a smoldering limb onto the teen heroine.

She turned her head up and caught the burning arm. Thinking fast, she blocked an advancing claw with it, pushed it aside and stabbed the shade's chest. The shade immediately felt pain and let out a more distressed screech as it ran around with its cloak quickly catching fire. She couldn't believe that the ghost was that pyrophobic.

"Plug it up." The panicking shade didn't see the large boulder that flew from Jake's direction. The rock walloped it on the back and knocked it to the ground. Jake jumped beside it and exhaled a large tongue of flame.

He coughed with satisfaction. "He won't be coming back."

Another gust of cold wind blew off their backs. The surviving dazed horrors came to their senses and fled to the darkness as the complimentary roar echoed in the Undercity.

"What? Not again. As if one shade was enough."

"Wait, Jake." Kim stopped him. "That wind was coming away from the shade. This is someone else."

Another pair of eyes hovered on the void: Unlike the shade's, they were pale blue, like a crustacean's. The beast connected to these eyes extended its green neck for its head to be exposed by sunlight from the surface. Red tentacles wriggled from its face as it sniffed the air for its grub. The Grozoth immediately eyed Kim and Jake and slowly dived towards them, narrowly missing them and crushing a hole on the burning shade. It's impact showered the air with wet bricks and shattered concrete.

Half-heartedly, Jake tried to euphemize their situation. "This reminds me of that movie with the flaming dem…"

"Later, Jake." Kim took off the specs. "We have to get away from this slope."

"How? It's too steep."

"You're a kid of the streets, aren't you?" she snapped at him. "Use your imagination."

Jake spied another discarded shield on them. "C'mon, we'll have to board it down."

"Looks risky" she said as she checked the slopes elevation "But we have no choice."

"Hop on the front" he motioned to the shield as he planted his feet onto it.

Kim declined. "I have a better idea." She positioned herself on Jake's back and hugged his waist. "You lead."

"Yeah." With a quick pull, they descended the slippery slope in a neck-breaking hundred miles per hour. The combined velocity and dizzying height made this experience too difficult to be described vividly. One can only imagine that the experience was somewhat like a hundred-foot drop ride from an amusement park, only higher.

The Grozoth poked its head out of the slope, creating another stony shower. It eyed its quickly fleeing prey once more and slowly gathered its strength to do another dive. Its body arched over them as it crashed, forming a gaping hole in their path.

"I may not fly now, but I can still jump it. Hang on."

Jake and Kim both crouched down as they neared the Grozoth's hole. Holding his breath, Jake leapt over the pit and landed violently on the other side. But they were still sliding down, so both let out sighs of relief.

The leviathan's tentacles erupted from the slope in an attempt to hinder their path. Kim did her part and tilted in either direction to slide around them. More thoughts raced through her mind. "Gosh, I only realized now that place is huge."

Near the base of the slope, the leviathan's head broke through and greeted the duo with an opened maw. Kim and Jake screamed as they neared the Grozoth: it was too big to be outmaneuvered and its torso was curling over them, keeping them from escaping.

A loose ramp enabled the runaway shield to fly over the amazed Grozoth, past its tentacles and its bewildered eyes. Kim and Jake landed in a large body of water so vast their splashes barely disturbed it. The duo raised their heads above the water, struggled to breathe. The angered Grozoth followed them and made a violent splash.

The leviathan broke its head from the surface and opened its maw once more to devour them. Suddenly, the pool churned: it gurgled as the water level rapidly fell. Kim, Jake, and the Grozoth, caught in the ebbing current, sank into the pool's drain. Not licked yet, the leviathan lashed out its tentacles onto them as they fell. Kim bruised the creature's feelers with kicks as they scurried out through the massive steel drain's "exit" which Jake spotted.

The heroes scurried away from the door to the Undercity while the Grozoth's feelers flailed around the door for them. Unexpectedly, the door closed on the red things and severed them. A few twitches, and the tentacles slid off the metal, leaving a trail of fresh blood.

Jake and Kim collapsed on the cold floor to catch their breath. Their moment of relief was cut short from a voice that echoed in the room.

"Who's there? If you came here for that which I built up for two years, you've got another thing coming, pal!"

The Anthrozil exhaled a puff of flame towards the direction of the voice. The sudden flash revealed that the room they were in was a kitchen, and also made the strange voice squeal. A low thud in the ground soon followed.

"Oh my God! Please, don't hurt me! I was joking with what I said last time. You didn't tell me you had a large lizard in the room."

"Lizard? Obviously, you haven't been out of this place for a while lady. I'm the AmDrag!"

"Cool it, Jake." Kim hushed and turned to the source. "Show yourself, ma'am."

"Um, okay. Just don't set him off, will you?"

The room immediately brightened, revealing the vast stainless steel sink, holding not so stainless piles of dishes. A burlap sack of what seemed to hold greenish translucent potatoes slumped beside the spice cupboard. An unfinished meal, which composed of pumpkin and veal cooked yesterday, lies unclaimed on the round table and surrounded by scribbled notes. The scribbler skulked behind the kitchen door upon seeing her intruders.

"Gah! It's a redhead and a hair-dyed Asian kid! What are you doing here?" she screamed.

"I take it that she's not from around here, is she?" Kim asked Jake.

"Why? 'coz she referred to me as Asian?"

"No. Women I've faced in this world so far aren't this spineless."

"I beg your pardon?" The skulker stuck out her head and adjusted her specs. Her eyes lit up upon recognizing them. "Oh, I know I'd recognize that sass anywhere." She zipped and simply shook her hand. "Kim Possible, was it?"

"Uh, yeah. Call me, beep me, that kind of stuff." She said, surprised by the woman's sudden change in mood. Eyeing her strange ID with the "wave and tree" watermark, Kim added with a raised eyebrow "And your name is 45IL7?"

"It's Ivy, Kim. 45IL7 is too formal." Ivy proceeded to check behind the teen heroine's shoulder. "I seemed to have caught you in a bad time, my dear. I don't see your sidekick anywhere."

"Yeah, about that" Jake answered. "We were supposed to be looking for Ron but then we got into a fight with an angry dryad, some subterranean freaks and a tentacled leviathan."

Ivy simply patted Jake's head adorably. "You've got an imaginative charge here, Miss Kim."

The anthrozil swatted her hand away "She's not my babysitter!"

Roars from the captured grozoth suddenly boomed from behind the kitchen wall, followed by the captured leviathan's violent metallic poundings with its tentacles.

Ivy turned her attention to the Grozoth. "Ah, I see you did my groceries for me. For that, you will get the biggest helpings." She motioned the reluctant two out of the kitchen and pointed to a far room in her hall with a butcher knife.

"Over there is the showers, where I usually get my patients watered down for check-ups. You can use that." One final grin and Ivy slammed the door.

"Patients" usually had bad implications if the situation involved a big near-abandoned place in the middle of an abandoned area. But the duo has had a rough night (and morning) and both could really use a shower before lunch.

The stunned Jake broke his silence with a nervous smile. "Ladies first."

* * *

The blond teen finally arrived in front of Ravnica's only zoo, ventilating from all the excitement he encountered during the exciting chase sequence. Sadly, it was closed for the day, especially with Rauck Chauv and all, but that was easily remedied when the still-gripped Rufus got off his hand and picked off the main lock. It would have been done in less than a second had it not been for the magic runes etched on it, which Rufus just rubbed off with sandpaper. Ron took a dropped makeshift mace and smashed the remaining locks off. 

"That took you long enough." Ron jumped upon hearing Leon's voice, who was standing beside the ticket booth.

Daku proceeded to whack his master on the head again with his tail-ring "Stop that, Leon. He's jumpy enough as he is."

"Are you sure you're not bluffing me about this, Leon?" questioned Ron.

"C'mon, man. That'd be old." He shrugged. "Sut is over there by the primate section."

Ron and Rufus strolled past cages which exhibited an array of beasts ranging from Male Sphinxes and Elephants to Wolverines and Primitive Vedalken, species that were considered extinct in the city world. The blond teen spotted the Cantor beside a cage that housed the last known Grizzled Croc Hunter (Since they're all in the sewers nowadays).

"No Steph, I don't want to know what new animal you've seen so far. I'm supposed to be waiting for someone." Sut told the animal.

"Aw, cripes." The Hunter disappointedly slumped on the other end of the cage and proceeded to whittle a figurine with a blade.

"Sut, I came as fast as I could since I heard." Ron stopped to catch his breath.

She was happy to se him safe and sound. "Wow Ron, that's was quick. So, how was the training?"

"Training?" he asked, unaware that he just ran over ten kilometers dodging blades and bludgeons. Shaking his head to clear his mind, Ron replied with "Leon said you had a large serving of Nacos for me."

She raised an eyebrow and stroked her green wavy hair. "Nacos, what are you talking about? I didn't make you Nacos."

"Of course you did, Sut." Leon answered while walking to them.

"Leon, what did you tell him?" her eyes met the artist-in-training's gaze.

"I told the Ron Man" Leon broke the stare by holding his notepad in front of them, which suddenly became transparent "That you were planning a party here in the Ravnican Zoo with his favorite dish." He carefully sketched onto the frame while he spoke as if he read from cue cards. "I gotta hand it to you though, Sut. For a caterer, you're not very good at making surprises. You hid the Nacos on a sack hanging from the tree over that pit. Guess it isn't a secret anymore, huh?" Leon winked at her, then paused to dig onto his eye "Stupid factory dust."

Sut turned around and saw the sack with surprise, as it didn't appear there before. "Oh, right." She replied, taking Leon's gesture. "I'm not very good at hiding stuff; I'm only an expert in finding mana." She placed her hand on Ron's shoulder. "Ron, can you get it for me."

The blond teen stared at the height "You kiddin'? It's too far up."

"Don't worry Ron. All you need is a set of wings." Leon sank his hand onto his pocket and took out a bottle of yellow-green powder. "Open this. I took from it from one of the shops during the commotion."

"It's illegal, but is it safe?" Ron asked after taking the flask.

"It's magic, man. You never know."

Ron took off its cork and poured the glittery contents onto his hand. The powder was blown by the wind and flowed around him, causing him to hover in the air.

"Whoa, it's working." He exclaimed as he slowly floated up to the sack. "And to think, I never believed in fae-"

"Don't say it." Leon shouted up.

"Huh? Is it because it's deadly?" Ron called back.

"No, it's 'coz it's sickeningly cliché." He answered matter of factly.

That sure wasted my time, thought Ron. Raising his arms above, he swam to the tree branch and untied the sack. He placed his hand inside and drew out a Naco, smothered in salsa and cheese, which he took a bite out of. Ron's eyes lit up with satisfaction and declared "Sut, you better get the president: cause these Nacos _Hurricane Rocks_!"

After finishing that sentence, the shiny dust surrounding Ron rescinded, causing him to quickly fall screaming to the bottom of the pit. He landed on his back, thankfully, in one piece.

"I guess the floating effect was only temporary" Leon yelled awkwardly at Ron, on whom the blond teen sat up and cried "Gee, ya think?" A flurry of growling noises answered Ron's rhetoric. The growls were followed by the appearance of one of those animals that are unusually absent outside the city's streets: angry and possibly rabid monkeys.

Ron quickly froze in fear: he scooped up both mole rat and sack and tried to claw out of the pit. Unfortunately, his fingernails were trimmed recently and so the best he could do was file them out. He felt something red and wet splatter on his back to which he yelled "Ah, I'm hit!", though it turned out to be pelted tomatoes from enraged baboons on the tree. A baboon pulled the blond teen to its pitmates as they proceeded to claw and bite him to submission. Rufus jumped off Ron's hand and readied a battle stance, only to be slapped onto the nearest wall by an impatient simian.

"Omigosh, omigosh, this is what I was afraid of. Do something, Leon." Daku shook his creator's collar.

"Pipe down" he shoved his familiar down to earth. "It's all part of his training."

"Leon, even we don't sic people to things we're afraid off unless we know they won't get killed!" Sut exclaimed.

The artist-in-training shrugged. "Sut, you know we won't be around to help him forever, would we?"

Sut Rak stopped and realized the truth in his words. "You're right, Leon. Ron will have to handle this himself. I believe in him." She funneled her hands to her mouth and shouted the words "Ron, unleash your mystical power."

The blond teen looked up with his one healthy eye and heard with an unboxed ear in the pool of hair and red bottoms. Concentrating hard he erupted from the weight of the feral primates, which caused a number of monkeys and baboons to be blasted away by the impact. He came out clawed, bleeding and with even messier hair, but this time he had a vengeful glint in his eyes.

The monkeys were taken aback by this sudden retaliation, but then ignored it for natural reflexes and leapt right back at him. As if in a trance, Ron shoved all the jumping monkeys back, knocking three unconscious. He squealed a sound unusual for a man to make and leapt like a monkey himself unto a cluster of primates, raking them with his fingers and biting at them with newly formed feral canines.

"I was right when I said he had the ferocity of a baboon, the nimbleness of a monkey and the strength of a gorilla" said Sut as Ron leapt and grappled the alpha male and threw him to a tire swing after performing a triple somersault.

Leon sighed "I dunno. This feels more like rip-off from that dude who changes when he gets splashed with cold water."

Daku interrupted him. "Shush, the climax is here."

Before the dust settled, Ron peeled off the unconscious Rufus from the wall and climbed up the tree with the bag of tex-mex goodness. He landed in front of Leon and Sut feet first, and then shook off the dust from his person.

"Whoa, what came over me?" Ron said after he came back to his senses.

Sut hugged the blond teen tight "Ron, thank Cisarzim you're alive. You single-handedly defeated a group of monkeys."

Ron went mellow at her caress "I did? Sweet."

Daku spun around the blond teen with delight and ruffled his messy hair. "I'll say it again: You did good, kid. Leon here didn't think you could do it. Guessed ya showed him, huh?"

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go, Daku" Leon pulled the familiar back by the scruff of his neck. "Our jobs are done here, and I gotta go see the head artist for an internship." He walked towards the broken gates of the Ravnican Zoo.

"Wait, Leon." Ron raised his hand and told him to come back. "Don't you want a share of these Nacos?"

Leon turned around. "Eh? I thought those were for you."

Ron unfurled the sack and set out its contents "Yeah, well I'm doing this as a way of saying 'thanks'. Since I was separated from Kim, you guys were the only ones who looked out for me in this crazy city. Besides, three guys is a crowd, not a party." He roused his mole rat from his coma. "Right, bud?" he asked, to which Rufus replied in squeaks along the lines of "Yeah, sure, whatever".

Leon let out a cheesy grin. "Then, what are we waiting for? Let's dig in, friends!"

* * *

It was always one in the afternoon on the surface when Ivy has her lunch in the Undercity. Her usual meal is a medium slice of mutton with a side of mashed potatoes and a bowl Portobello monkey, I mean, mushroom soup for side dishes and coconut jelly salad for dessert. Today was special though, as she has guests, the first in two years. She decided to serve something different for this meal. 

In the eerie glow of the yellow-greenish lights over her quaint dining room, she, Kim and Jake are eating the Grozoth they indirectly trapped Japanese style: complete with nori, wasabi, cold rice, miso soup and chopsticks.

"C'mon, guys: trust me. The sushi isn't poisoned. Here, lemme test yours." She picked the seaweed-wrapped serving from the plate in front of the Amerasian and threw it square at her mouth, chewing heartily. "See? 'sgooooood!"

"If you say so, lady." Jake cringed at his seat "Uh, Don't you have a fork or somethin'?" he asked

"Nonesense, kid. Embrace your roots and pick with sticks, mister" Ivy demanded.

"So, Ivy" Kim further broke the ice as she nimbly took a bite of grozoth. "What exactly are you doing under this, uh, place?" The leviathan meat tasted like a cross between fresh squid and shrimp in her mouth.

"So glad you asked my dear, for it's quite simple: I work here."

"That's not much of an answer, is it?" Jake said as he tried to adjust his grip on his sticks "There's nobody else around, plus you don't even have a phone in here to call your boss."

"Alright, Nosey and Parka." Ivy rose from her seat. "Perhaps I should start from the very beginning. Best to brace yourself, for this will take a looong time." She took another bite before starting. "Two years ago I started working for the Simic as a test subject for which I was exposed to an array of allergens: dust, spores, cat hair, milk, peanuts, tomatoes..." she tallied all with her fingers.

"Tomatoes?" Kim stopped her for a minute.

"Yup. Thankfully, it was only a slice a day. I got promoted to critter breeder when a drawing I made had a crazy effect on the most oblivious vedalken professor. He went into a five-week comma after suffering from massive hemorrhage, on the nose."

"Gross, dude." Jake stuck out his tongue.

"Wait...drawing." Kim replied. "Doesn't that make you an artist?"

"How the heck did you know?!" Ivy suddenly exclaimed.

She dropped the cold Uzi on the table. "Jake got this from a guy who drew it _out_ of a notepad."

The woman quickly grabbed the gun and inspected it. She closed her eyes and gave it a good sniff and a steady lick on the barrel. "Ah yes. I recognize this baby. Did the artist have messy brown hair and a semi-fixed scowl on his face?"

"Who could forget that?" the anthrozil sighed from that traumatic event.

"Goes by the name Rich he does, young dragon. Leader of us artists, he is. Good guy, though he has a lot of issues with kids like you." Ivy snickered as she threw the uzi on her shoulder, where it shattered like candy glass as it hit the floor.

"Anyways" she combed her hair with her fingers and took a glass of water before continuing. "I was good at successfully getting a lammasu and a sphinx to mate and have sphammassi babies, but only got another promotion when I challenged Professor Raiche to a game of spin the bottle. Oddly, he lost 'coz he was such an ubergeek (not a dork) for not kissing me.

"The head director Momir Vig recognized my talents and gave me permission to work on my Simic doctorate: Humanoid sexuality and how asexual genesis affects it, which was convenient since the biomancers have never heard of Freud. The catch was that I had to do it in this house under that menacing sea of water (God, I still have nightmares about that) here in the part of the Undercity where virtually next-to-no humanoids are found, even the anthros."

"No no, kid." Ivy suddenly eyed Jake's struggling "You grip the bottom with the middle and your pinkie and pick the top one with your pointer and your thumb. Go on, try it."

He reluctantly followed her instructions, but quickly proved himself wrong when he plucked a roll of wrapped Grozoth without dropping it.

"Yo, Kim: I did it! I actually used chopsticks." He was undoubtedly overjoyed.

"Sure, Jake. Now we all do." The teen heroine plucked two sushi rolls just to show off. "This isn't so bad once you dip it with the spicy paste."

"Yeah, I remembered when my son tried to use chopsticks. I got him to try it sixty-seven times."

"Speaking of which: don't you miss your family, Miss Ivy? After all, you've been away for two years." Kim asked.

Ivy quickly stopped reminiscing, lowered her head and shed a tear in her eye. "Miss them? There was a reason why I moved here, Kim. My family has...moved on."

"Did they move somewhere nice and sunny?"

"Jake!" Kim scolded him for not realizing what she meant.

"It's okay, dear." She wiped her eyes with a tissue. "They were on their way home from the mall when they crashed onto a trucker's steed, which they said carried a load of anvils. I was working on my lectures that time when I heard the news. I felt grief, not being there to tell my kids and my hubby that I love them."

"My sorrow caused me to ascend, as they say when artists become capable of wielding power through drawing. I put my degree on hold and step off to a different world, appearing here in the City of Guilds."

"That sounded awful, Iv." Kim replied to her sad tale. "Is there anything we can do?

She shot back up, a smile dawning on her face "Weeeell, you both could help me with my thesis."

"Say what?!" Jake yelled as he slammed the table and. "I ain't doing anything with Kim to help you with your project!"

Kim was creeped out by what the antrozil said. "Jake, what'd you mean 'we'?"

"Didn't she say she was doing a thesis on humanoid sexuality?" he struggled to explain his awkward actions.

Ivy raised her hand "Chill out, guys. I'm not that crazy to pair you both up and write notes about it." She zipped beside Kim and whispered "Besides, Ron isn't here."

"But I am crazy enough to do this." She slammed the wall, causing two of the green light bulbs on the ceiling to clump onto Jake's back. They burned through his jacket and fused with him, making his limbs numb.

The teen heroine stood up and hoisted the paralyzed anthrozil up, who then squealed. "What did you do to him?"

"Those two globs contain the DNA of a stonefish who, due to a mutation, causes severe paralysis on itself instead when touched. I wouldn't be lifting him if I were you, dear."

She gasped and let go of him, which made him hit his head on the floor. "Sorry"

"Compared to your touch, this bang on the head feels like a pillow." Jake declared in clenched teeth.

"I received a letter from a guy in a starry cloak that told me the famous Kim Possible will come here, with a rare specimen of mankind for a bodyguard: an anthrozil." She sketched out a bed and blew the further disabled Jake onto it. "Fascinating, isn't it: a Human Dragon hybrid. I thought these things only happen in cartoons. I'm curious on what makes guys like him tick." She flashed a scalpel with a sadistic smile. "And I am willing to cut him up unless you cooperate."

Kim involuntarily gestured her to stop with her palms. "I'll do anything. Just...don't kill him."

"Well praised, Kim." Ivy moved towards her, still with blade on hand. "Somewhere out in this Undercity there are humongous green beasts with spore-like boils on their backs. You've got twenty-four hours to round one up for me and bring it home, or he gets the knife." She pointed at the reclining Jake.

Kim immediately rushed out of the room, only to be shouted at by Ivy. "Hey, where are you going?"

"You told me to get you one of those beasts, remember?"

Ivy slipped the scalpel back to her pocket. "You can't go out without clearing the table, honey. It won't do it by itself, would it?"

**Ravnica Glossary ('coz you're gonna need it)**

Rauck Chauv – Ever since the Gruul Clans have been divided and oppressed by the other guilds, the Clanners have sworn revenge on the clubs that oppressed them, by any means necessary. Everytime a guild would comemorate a celebration, the clanners declare a holiday during this same period. Gruul would celebrate "Rauck Chauv" by littering the streets and causing mayhem by breaking private and public property and beating people up. Some guildmembers, afraid that the clanners would "celebrate" if they did, have turned to honoring and feasting in secret. However, this didn't stop the Gruul from hurting any guilded party animal.

**Simic Combine** – Once, this humble group of doctors and biomancers has taken the role of preserving the flora and fauna of Ravnica. However, due to the rapid urbanisation of the cityplane, the guild has turned to assisting said flora and fauna to adapt to the literal concrete jungle. The previous elven director **Momir Vig** has attempted to achieve dominion of Ravnica by the introduction of cytoplasts (semi-living blobs of DNA) in the hope of improving the city's populace, usually against their will. The Simic "army" is comprised of mostly an elf and vedalken populations, as well as a number of humans and other creatures as "guinea pigs".

**Ivy** – An artist who moved to Ravnica from our world after the death of her family. Her fascination with the psychology of humanoids has lead her to be under the tutelage of the **Simic Guild**.Eccentriic and shy, she has a hard time socialising with people directly and only has a few close friends. She is supposedly the artist who has stayed int he plane the longest. Ivy's character is based on an online friend of the author, except he exagerrated a bit on her character development (Her family, for instance, is alive and well)

**Leon** – Sadly for you, he is another character based on one of the author's friends. He is an artist-in-training who successfully "drew" a familiar named Daku, who inherited his creator's crazy attitude. He has a regular droopy-eyed expression which hides a sly but carefree personality. Presumably, he came to Ravnica in the hope of affiliating with of its ten guilds, but has yet to decide which guild he should join.


	6. Portobello Road

The afternoon saw Ron and his companions two hours ago as they parted ways with Leon and his strong spoken familiar from the cityworld's only zoo. He, Rufus and Sut continued their trek towards the deserted spire mentioned by her guildmage father from the pits yesterday. Not only have they arrived at the tower before dusk, but Ron has also built up a sense of giddiness inside himself for making it in less than two days: thanks to plowing through the celebrants of Rauck Chauv in Tin Street. His sense of bliss however was pushed aside by awe and dread as they reached the base of the spire.

"He wants me to climb this...thing?" the pale blond boy said as he stared wide-eyed at the massive spectacle before him. The mole rat in his ragged pocket merely matched his expression.

The spire wasn't a smoldering wreck like Skargg. Its lower section was composed of dull sandstone yet the upper section appeared to be a suspended shower of sparkling crystal, with spikes of clear rock sticking out of it. The afternoon sun shined on it, blanketing nearby houses with a stain glass-like shadow. A small waterfall flowed from a large hole on top of the spire onto a pool many feet onto the base.

"Of course, Ron" replied the green-haired Cantor. "The spire is an ideal training ground: indoor lighting, fresh water, and effective against predators and tourists."

He gestured with his hand on the naturally-made tower. "But it's so high up, there isn't even a ladder. Do I haveta climb this?"

"Now, that's not Gruul talk, Ron." said Sut Rak as she met Ron's gaze. "With your mystical monkey powers, this would be a cinch."

He just stood there, looking back at her with a dumbfounded stare, until he jerked up as figurative light bulb flashed on his head. "Oh, gotcha!" Ron gave his rodent friend to the Cantor, as he switched his gaze back at the shiny tower. "Sit back and watch me, then. I'll try and find a way to get you guys up."

Ron easily dug his right hand's fingers at the sandstone wall, which felt soft like talc. He sunk his southpaw set higher, and lifted himself up for his right toes to aide in the ascent. Ron's left toes successfully anchored themselves on the rock, but his weight slowly dragged him back towards the tower's base.

The blond teen suddenly panicked: like a cat trying to claw onto a priceless curtain, he scratched the face rapidly to keep himself from going down. The resulting rungs he left gave the impression that he was making a giant slide, much to Rufus' dismay. "Don't worry, I'm almost to the crystalline part" he shouted. He kept clawing up until his fingers touched a hard glass rung. Ron quickly pulled himself onto the crystal footing and breathed a sigh of relief as the cityscape's winds cooled his terror sweat, secretly thanking that he didn't have a fear of heights.

Uneasily, he leered back to the foot of the tower and formed a hand funnel over his mouth. "You still watchin?" he shouted back at the base, but found that the Cantor and his rodent friend have gone. He became nervous. "Sut? Rufus! Aw nuts, they left me up here." He sat there for a few minutes and then decided to face this complex course, spying a jutting crystal branch and catching it with a leap.

Ron surveyed the tower's surface for more jutting spikes. With simian agility, he swung to the nearest from the right. An ascending line of the things enabled him to swing five more times. Upon landing on the sixth spike Ron's weight took its toll on it, causing him to panic once more. Thinking quickly, he spotted another crystal platform to land on, jumping on it as the spike gave away.

"This is harder than I thought." he said to himself as he wiped his brow and slumped onto a grotesque statue beside him. He held out the club-like spike over his head and admired its prismatic qualities, when an irritated growl caused him to sit upright. Ron stared at the statue he was leaning on and met two granite eyes scowling back at him. Ron squealed and jumped as the gargoyle attempted to clamp its stony jaws violently onto his arm. He responded by walloping its head with the crystal club, which only gave it a momentary relapse as the weapon broke in two.

The sarukenist dashed to the direction opposite the grotesque's path, hoping to lose it. Along the way, he knocked over a row of other static gargoyles, who quickly flew back up in pursuit of the one who disturbed their slumber. Eventually, the angry stone beasts cornered Ron. Two dashed, with granite claws upfront, to skewer him.

Gathering the power within him, Ron jumped in a nick to avoid the impact, causing the gargoyles to pierce the crystal wall instead. He leapt from them towards the other circling grotesques and stomped on one's head to gain height. Aggravated, the rest spun around the slowly ascending Ron and dived towards him.

He made way for the approaching grotesques at the exact second before they found home, causing them to collide and shatter. With unbelievable nimbleness, the sarukenist grabbed onto the shards that flew off from the collision. After a few feet of doing so, he spotted an opening from the spire wall: a window, and sanctuary.

The two stuck grotesques yanked off their arms from the crystal and charged after him, screeching like nails dragged on a chalkboard. Ron hesitated for a moment, but then saw this as an opportunity to get through the window. He drove down with his feet first to the face of the startled lower gargoyle. He then grabbed the stone beast by its shoulders and flung himself onto the head of the other. Knees contracted, Ron jumped from his makeshift platform and onto the balcony of the crystal tower, while the grotesques' remains shattered way below.

Ron finally slump belly up onto the cool crystal floor, thanking himself that the impossible feat of going up the tower has been completed. If only Rufus and Sut were here to see this…

A hand holding a wooden vessel hovered above him. "Ron, you must be parched. Have a drink."

"Sut!" he jerked up, knocking over the cup and spilling the clear water on his face. "Where did you go? How'd you get here so fast?"

"We came by the lift." The green haired girl pointed at an open-air elevator that you usually see in factories and warehouses. "The entrance is hidden to keep unwanted visitors from coming in."

Ron slapped his head with a frustrated groan. "I could have taken that and not got through all this."

Ghut Rak shouted out from inside the spire. "Ey, lad! Glad yer here on time. I was just abut to roast this kill. Help me out, will ye?

"Be right there. C'mon, let me show you around." Sut offered her hand and lifted Ron up to enter this exclusive Gruul sanctuary.

Beside the balcony, a small dusty humanoid with roguish attire crept out of the spire's shadow and giggled mischievously. The figure then drew out translucent wings from his back and flew out to the main portion of Rav.

* * *

"Uh huh, that's nine standard meat lovers, three small vegan's delight, a side order of assorted wings plus three barrels of that bumbat stuff that you guys liked to make."

"Very good, Mr. Druzuwich. We'll have it to your place in less than-

"Hold it right there! I'll send for a bunch of my men to pick up the order instead. They'll also be the ones paying in my place."

"Er…okay. Mr. Druzuwich, while you're at it, would you like to be a member of our Pizza Haven club? We offer discounts to those who join…"

"No, thank you. That is all, uh….Jeremy."

The pizza parlor clerk's image blinked out of Duskmantle's surveillance room, leaving only the pale skinned figure beside the crystal globe. The figure yanked off his face to reveal Dr. Drakken blue complexion, which blended effectively with his new leader's regalia.

"Whoo, I'm getting the hang of this 'master of disguise' thing. Who would've known there was power from behind the scenes?"

The sound of Szadek's voice startled Drakken. _Best to remember not to squander _Duskmantle's_ troves, _Drew

Drakken gestured with the palms of his hands. "Hey, loosen up, all right? Back when I was an ordinary villain I barely covered the costs on my gadgets, not to mention the rent on the evil lair and the lackey wages. Besides, some of the former honcho's lackeys here looked like they haven't eaten for a year."

_They are supposed to _look_ like that, you dunce. _The psionic vampire tried to be sincere.

The artificer stood up and stared at the back of his head as if trying to form a mental image of the inner voice. "You never called me that when I assembled those shiny leeches to replaced that creamy-skinned wood woman."

_It's the lupul's instinct to be loyal to the Dimir leader. By the way, don't you know that I consider maintaining the status quo _too_ easy?_

"Well, you have to admit it was genius when I told that giddy artist that Kim Possible had a dragon tagging along with her."

_I wouldn't think so. _One can only imagine Szadek rolling his pupiless eyes.

One of his eyes began to twitch. "You know, your matter-of-fact quips are beginning to-

"I'm back, boss!"

Drakken turned around to find the tiny man with translucent wings sitting on the crystal globe. "Finally. Have you found out where he is?"

"Yup yup. The kid is stayin' on a sparkly tower in Utvara." The fairy fidgeted with the globe, trying to remember the protected coordinates, projecting the place where Ron was hiding out. "Great view, plus it's bigger inside than it looks."

"Ooh, all the better. Here's a quarter." He flicked a shiny coin onto the fairy, which it barely lifted. "Do me a favor and uhm; 'enlighten' the baroness, ok?"

"Sure, just as soon as I get this thing off the ground." The snoop placed his pay onto his sack and sputtered off the door.

_Is there any reason why you'd choose to eliminate the girl's companion this way?_

"You don't know how it feels to have your plans constantly foiled by Kim Possible and her _buffoonus ex machina._"

Szadek paused. _I see. You have set your grudges against that Gruul initiate as well because of that._

"Dang straight." Drakken pressed a part of the globe, which projected an image of Kim cleaving through a giant seaworm. "Now if you'll excuse me. I'd like to get ready for a little exercise."

The vampire fumed. _What have I told you about keeping yourself out of harm's way?_

"With my newfound mastery of magic, defeating my archrival would be a cinch. Even you couldn't say no to that!" Drakken concentrated once more and grabbed his shadow, concealing himself in its inky void. "Want to know how? Let's just say she'll won't be sleeping this off."

* * *

"I can't believe I'm running errands for that witch!" Kim griped under her breath, obviously miffed at the task given by the Simic artist.

It was two hours since she left Ivy's research station. The teen heroine was given a detailed description of the "humongous green beasts" to be bargained in exchange for Jake's life, but not the location of their usual hunting grounds. She waded through rivers of sewage, trekked through concrete marshes and encountered various swamp life she barely escaped from: but still, no dice.

Many miles of walking and dashing encouraged Kim to have second thoughts regarding this pointless side quest: her priority upon traveling this city is to find Ron and get out of here. She rationalized that she could just leave the anthrozil with Ivy to do as she pleases. After all, he was simply a guardian charged by Feather, albeit an expendable one. She could report that he died in the line of duty, and thus proved his potential of being a trooper of the Legion and "guardian of magical creatures", as he called himself.

She stopped on her tracks when she heard the sound of shouting and snapping teeth. Kim ran to the source of the noise and saw an elvish farmer on his cart, kicking a raptor and hitting it with his staff. The elf's large fungus-infested companion, a dog-like creature with no eyes and ears, lay on its side, its neck ripped off by the vicious dinosaur.

Knowing that the farmer really needed aide to quell the beast, Kim jumped straight into the action. She introduced herself to the startled pair by striking the raptor with a kick that knocked it aside. She then adopted a stance to maintain a state of readiness against the raptor's feral attacks, but then witnessed something unexpected: the raptor pointed its tail upright and shot a stream of spider webbing onto a hanging bridge. The dinosaur jumped and swung towards her with the force of a bundle of crates, throwing her into a grimy pool.

The dinosaur continued its attack on the elf farmer, who remained on his cart, defending the fungal produce. Kim bobbed her head out of the pool, and looked up to at her opponent. She took out her hair dryer and aimed at it, but then stopped and aimed a shot onto the bridge from which the raptor suspended itself. Firing a taser broke the concrete bridged, sending the raptor to the ground, with a bunch of concrete crushing it.

Or was it? The raptor erupted from the pile as it expanded in mass. Further expansion caused it to shoot out sharp scales in all directions. Kim immediately dunked on the water to avoid being sniped.

She then leapt onto the raptor's back and wrestled it to the ground. Considering the dangerous nature of the dinosaur, Kim did the unthinkable: snapping its thick neck. This caused it to drop down to the ground, limp as a wet noodle. Bluish-green growths began appearing on the raptor's forehead, which dried up after a few seconds.

"I thank you, young mistress" said the elf. "'tweren't for your timely rescue, I wouldna' been a part of that mutant dino's skin, and my delivery wouldna' arrived in the market."

"No big. Sorry about uhm, your dog?"

"Ey, don't you worry about Scruffy. He gets this all the time." Upon saying this, the mossdog grew back new fungal flesh and stood up, panting well as if the farmer just grew it.

"By the way," she wringed off her vest. "You wouldn't happen to be with those evangelists above the surface, would you?"

"The Silhanians? Those elves know bupkiss: followin' that lady who's one but isn't. I've been thought that strength comes from followin' the cycle, not the group. How else am I able to pull this here cart by m'self to market?" He lifted up the cart and prepared to move.

"You were durned impressive back there, young mistress." The farmer encouraged his dog to sniff Kim's hand and gave her a lick of affection. "You could be just what our head of state was lookin' for. We Devkarin are funding a champeenship that's basically survival of the fittest. Find the strongest one and all that."

She spread off the sap-like drool with a wet towel. "I don't think I have the time. I'm busy rescuing a friend."

"Durn. Well, if you ain't busy, pop on over to Grigor Canyon for a go, k?" The elf took a loaf and tossed it to Kim. "Here, on the house for savin' me and all."

"Thanks, I think." The bread was baked with sliced mushrooms and powdery blue vein, which made it unbearable to look at.

"Don't let the ugliness keep ya from eatin' it, it's good for ya. C'mon Scruffy, let's hightail outta here." The Golgari elf and the mossdog and charged as fast as their legs could carry them.

"It was pointless for me then" said Kim to herself as the two shrunk in the horizon "to think about that with Jake's life." She could have chosen to ignore the Devkarin elf and move on with her other sitches, but she helped him anyway. Besides, Jake helped her come to her senses last night (even if the method was a bit awkward). Reminded of this, she moved on.

* * *

Dusk covered the Ravnican sky once more. The crystal spire sparkled by the lights of the cityscape's stars. Inside, the spire was set alight by a bright bonfire from which sat beside its four tenants, eating an old-fashioned barbeque dinner.

"Let me get this straight: you want me to enter a tournament?" asked Ron with a raised eyebrow as he downed a bowl of salsa after taking a slice of the torchpig.

"Not just any tournament. It's a competition that the Golgari elves are holding to see which guy is the strongest warrior in Ravnica." Sut explained as she grabbed a handful of berries to smear onto a chunk of roast.

"Is that what all this 'training' was for? I thought I had myself running around, beating monkeys up and climbing here for Kim."

"That was the original purpose of your training, Ron. But while we were walking to the spire, I spied a poster that said welcomed everyone in the city, including the Gruul. I told the details to Father as you were climbing the spire and thought about it. He accepted in a second." She smiled.

"I don't see why I should go along with this." Ron crossed his arms in opposition.

"Why else, lad? Ghut answered his question after a violent bite from a leg, wiping his mouth with Ron's shirt as he chewed. "Yer adept in the art of Monkey martial arts now, as much as that Lord Monkey Fist ye keep blabberin' abut. The other contenders won't expect that."

"Not to mention the Nacos that you can get if you win." Sut added, half-kidding.

Ron's eyes lit up, taking her bait. "Hey, I'm there!"

"But remember the main reason for it all lad: honor. Ever since those aloof Grand Masters excluded us from the Guildpact, we've been itchin' to find something to rub on their faces aside, from smashing them of course."

Sut tapped Ghut on the shoulder. "Uh, Father. They brought us back on the pact. Didn't you read the Skyscribing two days ago?"

The guildmage's eyes opened wide with surprise. "Those sons of drekavacs did? Why didna they say so? Remind me to tell the boss." Ghut shook his head with disgust. "What am I saying? They're still gonna get a smacking, courtesy of our prized fighter here." Ghut laughed as he slapped Ron on the back, causing the blond teen to cough out a chewed piece.

"Thanks for the uh, encouragement, Ghut." Ron said as he rubbed his chest

"The question though, lad: has all that training really paid off?" the shaman spied Ron sinisterly.

"What you on about, old man?" he replied naively.

"Simple: I'll personally be the judge on whether yer up to it!" He stood up, took off his sweat rag and adopted a stance.

"Wait, You serious?" he raised his eyebrow with disbelief once more.

"Oh, yeah." Sut said as she took away the huge leaves and cups to be thrown away. "Despite being seventy, Father's still pretty strong."

"But they'll consider me past my prime to join that championship anyway, so I'll be taking out my rage on ye lad. No hard feelings, aye?" Ghut beckoned Ron with his fingers.

"Look Sut, this tournament is cool and all, but I don't wanna prove anything by beating up you dad."

"What's the matter, city-slicker? Ye showin' yer yellow belly?" Ghut laughed

Ron immediately answered. "Ok, but if I win: I get my shirt back."

Ghut paused and thought about this for a moment. "Yer on, lad. This time, prepare to lose yer pa-" The shaman was kicked in the chest and thrown across the floor before he could finish that sentence.

"Distractive Thinking: the Gruul's only weakness. Score one for me, Ghut!"

The shaman held his chest as he rose up. "No fair! You won't get me this time."

Ghut Rak stomped the polished floor with enough force for a chunk of it to shoot into the air. With a thrusted kick, Ghut sent the crystalline missile flying towards Ron. Quick simian reflexes enabled the blond teen to duck really low to avoid the explosion of crumbling rock.

He looked at the site of the chunk's impact, and quickly stared at Ghut. "That coulda killed me!"

"No mercy, city slicker!" Ghut stomped thrice more, and sent all rocks with a sweeping kick. Ron tilted left to avoid the first, jumped high to dodged the second, and broke the third midair with a backhand slam. "Top tha-" he didn't expect a fourth one, which caught him from below and slammed him on the ceiling.

"We're even now!" He gathered the magical energies given off by the spire and sported a reddish glow. "Lemme tip the scales, lad!" Ghut rushed to Ron with a cleaving chop, matching the speed of the sarukenist's blocking fist. This was repeated several times until a suplex elbowed Ron and caused him to stumble, enabling the shaman to pound his neck and bring him to the floor.

Rufus tugged on Sut's cape as they watched the "practice" battle, signaling her to stop the match. The cantor simply hushed the molerat. "This is his battle, Rufus. We musn't interfere."

Ghut dived onto Ron, hoping to finish him with a belly flop, but Ron rolled over and kicked him hard with both legs, causing the shaman to collide onto a collection of scavenged dolls. The blond teen jumped up and cricked his neck, given the impact of the blows he withstood. Obviously, he hasn't experienced something like this before.

"Give up, old man?"

"Ye can take away me life, but ye canna take away a Clanner's honor, boy-o!"

The shaman gathered power once more, and clasped his hands together to create a golden apple. "Come for it!"

As if hooked by the tantalizing fruit, Ron floated towards Ghut. The shaman drew a makeshift sword from his scabbard and cleaved through the metaphysical apple inches away from Ron's nose. "Ready to be cut in more than one place, boy-o?"

Ron gasped. Ghut was a match for his "Saruken" technique since he sported that reddish glow, but the extra appendage provided by the weapon meant that he couldn't stand a chance. Before Ghut made his move, Rufus jumped onto Sut's lap and leapt to a wall where another sword hung. He grabbed it and desperately threw it towards Ron. He quickly caught the spinning blade by its hilt and aimed the tip at Ghut. "I think not."

"We'll see." The shaman performed a sword dance as a way of intimidating his opponent. Ron, unwilling to show his fear, repeated the same moves, only to cut his pants off. He slapped his forehead. "Why the heck did I do that?"

"'tis no time for foolin' around." Ghut took a deep breath and ignited his makeshift sword for burning cleaves. "Have at ye!"

Both quick contenders clashed steel and burning steel five times. Ghut swung low to burn through Ron's exposed legs, but he quickly jumped and readied for an upper swing. The older man caught the blade and slapped the teen's sword hand. Ron dropped his blade and jumped towards a wall with his singed hand. Ghut Rak's smiled with satisfaction.

"You lose." Ghut swung from above towards Ron's melon. But he caught the burning blade not with his hands, but with a pair of tongs he caught one the floor against the wall. He butted the shaman's crotch, stunning him for a moment. Ron climb over and behind Ghut, took his burning sword, grabbed him by the neck, and aimed the sharp burning end in front of the shaman's face.

The shaman was about to gather magical energy again, but Ron broke his concentration by poking his hand with the sword. "Give up, or I'll drive this further down."

For the first time since Ron met him, Ghut Rak broke into terror sweat. He then began to laugh through his predicament. "Argh, I'm sad to admit defeat, lad. But still, I'm impressed. You're more skilled than ye look."

Ron became giddy as he let the shaman go. "Booyah! That'll teach ya." He grabbed his grubby shirt. "Uhm, it's too messy even for me. I'll wash it tomorrow."

"I guess yer worthy of learning this spell from my words of mouth."

"I get to learn a spell? Sweet. This is just like the game Final Fantasy."

Ghut was puzzled for a moment, then he shook his head. "Whatever, lad. Look, smashing face isn't the only way to survive the harshness to Ravnica. This spell is simple, just concentrate on any mountain you have visited and gather its energy to fuel this spell: very generic fireball."

Ron simply thought of Lord Monkey Fist's loft, and a small sphere shot out from his hand and burnt through an ancient dragon's pelt nailed on the wall.

"Ooh. Sounds cliché, but effective."

"Oy, Careful where you point it a'right? Now, everyone turn in. We have a big day tomorrow!"

* * *

The period of dusk on the surface dimmed the beams of light that trickled down the Undercity. Kim sat by the ruins of what looked like an abandoned shrine as she broke a piece of the Portobello bread and swallowed it, contemplating her next destination. The loaf tasted like concentrated seaweed and ginger roots, which gave it a tangy, yet salty flavor. One could make soup out of this, she thought.

_"_Call my name,_" said the voice that's calling me_

To the sad patch I'm on in this deep and dark'ning sea

She stirred for a second, thinking that she heard someone's voice resonating in the sewer land's ceiling. When the sound died down, she sat back and took another piece.

_Your skin: so pale, fills my eyes with a bright light_

_Never knew if it's really really dark or white_

Kim jumped again, almost landing on the ground on her seat. She half-heartedly thought the sound came from male sirens unheard off in mythology. But since she was on a crazy world filled with weird animals, male sirens should be a common occurrence.

Wonder if this blindness makes my love an old-fashioned one?

_Well, it doesn't really matter, for you ain't just a feast for the eyes_

Unable to brush off her curiosity and ignore the voice, she set her grappler to stun and prepared for shooting. "Alright you sicko, who are you? Show yourself!"

_The entire day, I took off my disguise_

_And we went out in the night, and watched the sun that would rise_

The song's echo started to decrease as a man came out of the ruined shrine's entrance behind Kim, sweeping the stoop of dirt. He was dressed in simple garb and had a pendant that sported four colored stones. He seemed to ignoring Kim, for he kept staring at the ground while singing:

_If you could break out tomorrow, take out my sorrow_

_I will not budge; take my leave from this place_

_Your joyous smile on me, enriches me _

Hearing his voice come near, she took an about face and aimed at the man.

_I feel new in this presence of _–

He dropped his broom and stared at the level of Kim's dryer. "Hey _you_, watch out. You could poke an eye out with that."

"Wha? If you didn't sing so loudly I wouldn't have cocked this up."

"Well," he stooped on the stairs and lit a white wooden pipe. One could wonder how this guy maintained a great tenor voice. "I'm not looking for trouble. In fact, I live here. I advise you to put down your…" he closely looked at the blow dryer "Izzet Sparkshooter, please."

Oh great, another sewer recluse she thought. Not trusting this new character one bit, she reluctantly placed the dryer back on to her pack and sat a few feet away from him. On the first sigh of danger, she'd be ready with a counter kick.

"Do you have something to eat? I've been living on water and slime for a month."

"You have?" She appraised the man, who didn't look like he lived on such a diet. "Well, all I got is this mushroom bread…"

"That'll do." He took the loaf and slowly scarfed bits of it. "Uumm, that's good Portobello." He tilted back his head with satisfaction and crooned through slime-smeared teeth:

_Lonely heart, feelings burst beyond control_

_Feeling empty of life, which made my chest just, take its toll._

Kim stopped him for a moment. "You don't seem much like a threat."

"Thanks." He replied. "You don't look so bad yourself."

Urges gone wild, letting madness possess me

_Just too busy in life rushing that I can't see_

_"Never in a second, shall I forget of our love"_

_That's what you said when we first meet everyday in the morn_

_One day you're like you'd either cry or be in glee._

_What's wrong, my love? Was I bad? Is there redemption for me?_

"Who's she?"

Interrupted, the man turned to Kim. "Uh, you mean in the song? She could be anyone. In my case, I'm referring to Ravnica: the world itself." He took another puff from his pipe. "I adapted it as a hymn to remind me to respect the world."

_If you could break out tomorrow, take out my sorrow _

_Need not to wander to keep me in peace_

_For I had learned that I need you to be with me _

_I fear leaving this presence of you_

"Sound's like a beautiful song."

"Thanks." He replied. "Not one of mine, though. I'm not very good at making stuff like this up. I learnt it from a foxman at a party last night."

"Ashita? Urgh, don't remind me." She shook her head. "Because of him I ended up down here."

"What are you still doing here, then?" He threw the rest of the bread onto the water, where a seabird swooped from the surface and grabbed it before it sank. "You do know that the nearest ladder to the surface ain't too far from here, do you?"

Hiding her foolishness, Kim thought quickly. "I came to get a friend out of a jam. The kidnapper: she wanted a hulk or something, I dunno."

"You mean the Protean Hulk, one of Ravnica's majestic creatures?"

"Yeah, that fits the bill."

"Mother Rav created them as a response to this world's unnecessary city sprawl. Many creatures died off as their habitats shrunk, forcing the Hulks to help repopulate their species for one more go."

Kim fumbled her brow. "How is that possible?"

"Well, such is the power of nature I suppose. At least, that's what I was taught."

She laughed. "What, you want a donation too?"

"Your Portobello bread did fine, thanks."

"Uh, your serious. You mean you won't ask for cash like that evangelist I meant from above?"

"Miss, there's a fine line between Cultists of Yore like me and the guilded guys like the Selesnyans up above. For one thing: we never supported the Guildpact. Secondly, I wouldn't believe those guys for eternal salvation and the like if I were you. Coz in the end, they're in it for themselves."

"I don't understand."

He placed his pipe in his mouth once more. "That's okay, you don't look like you're from around here anyway." The Cultist blew out a puff of smoke. "These crazy clubs made false idols of worship out of their so-called guild leaders as the cities grew, spinning immoral thoughts disguised as progress on the populace's minds. As a result the world of Ravnica repressed her freedom and submitted to the will of the guilds, her life diminished as the gods who walked her surface were forgotten.

"Gods? You mean the ones that should be worshipped?"

"Nah, these are gods that aren't meant to be revered. Instead, they were to be feared: to remind us of the true awesome forces that shaped the world long before the artificial concepts of 'city' and 'guild' came to be. They were the same forces used by Mother Rav to bring the Protean Hulks into being."

_If you could break out tomorrow, take out my sorrow_

_Even if my eyesight should ever fail and cease_

_We'll go on walking together, you and me_

_Side by side, and we will be at peace_

He took a deep breath after that last stanza. "Cultists like me are in charge of spreading the news, and clearing the minds of those lost in the flurry of the Guildpact's grip." He looked at her square at the eyes. "Maybe you could do more than just donate, yes?"

The teen heroine stood up. "But, there's no point in joining your cult. I mean, the city above is clearly winning, and the gods from yesteryear are all dead."

Oh, no. In fact, we're actually growing in number. I may be living in a crumbly shrine right now, but I'll soon get this place redone by some of our members. As for the gods, who ever said they were dead?" Smoke slithered out of his mouth. "They're only sleeping."

At these words, a giant green quadruped dropped in front of Kim and the Cultist. Its appearance perfectly matched Ivy's description, what with its scaly body, two beady eyes, three protruding tusks, and disturbingly, mass of clear green sacs with things that resembled embryos.

The Cultist suddenly stood up. "Good god, here's one of the large critters now!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah well, I'm gonna have to think twice about joining." Kim quickly drew and fired a grappling hook, which wound around the Hulk's middle tusk. Alarmed, the beast suddenly galloped forward. "Be seeing ya!" She gave a salute and was quickly jerked along the Hulk's direction.

"Wait!" The Cultist tried to give chase, but he stopped: for no normal human can outrun a beast like that. "Dang, I almost had her." Disappointed, he mouthed off the final line from Ashita's song: _All our sins shall soon be at peace._

* * *

Our teen heroine briskly pulled up on the rope as she water-skied on the pool the Hulk traveled. Eventually, she reached its gelatinous back and carefully climbed towards its head. The thought of crawling through the throbbing sacs gave her chills, yet incited a fascination not seen since Pandora took a little peek in Zeus' forbidden jar. She resisted the urge to poke one of them, which contained the embryo of a humanoid being, and jumped to the beast's neck in an attempt to find its weak point.

The Hulk stepped on dry sewer terrain and launched Kim of its back, as she was about to take a taser shot directly onto a part with soft scales. It made a turn to the right and ran off from Kim. Meanwhile, the teen heroine screamed as she headed face first towards a broken wall. Remembering the tip she learnt from watching that video on taekwondo, she bent over and faced her bag belt: causing her to hit the wall with her back instead. She slumped to the ground completely unhurt, until a chunk of wall fell and knocked her flat.

* * *

Kim awoke and got up on her knees. From the moment she was knocked down, her surroundings began to dissolve into a dark illogical swirl. The pools of water painted this mess navy blue, and the yellow lights, which dotted the sewerland's inhabited buildings, peppered it with more-weird-than-creepy macabre imagery like spectral skulls, feasting lupuls, and tentacles.

The heroine rubbed the point where the chunk of wall hit her. "Uh, what's happening?"

In the midst of this shadowy chaos, a figure materialized in front of her. His body seemed to blend in the dark-bluish swirl and his head appeared insect-like, with ink-dark eyes and a bony proboscis. A large ruby pendant hung around his neck

She placed her hand over her eyes to help focus on the man. "Who are you? What is this place?"

"**You are in the dreaming, Kimberly Anne Possible.**" The figure replied in an otherworldly tone. "A world in between the states of waking and sleeping."

"How'd you know my name?"

"**I know more than enough about you, Kim. I understand that you are on a never-ending quest for perfection.**"

"You're point being?"

"**I have learnt over the years that mortals who lived perfect lives are more likely to develop a phenomenon known as a dream vortex: destructive things that mesh dream realms to the point of chaos, and then nothingness.**" He shook his head. "**This should explain why good people die young.**"

Her eyes opened wide. "Y-you don't mean-"

"**I feel no joy in killing you, Kimberly.**" He took out a handful of sand and threw it at her, blinding the heroine's eyes. "**I only do what I must, to save other sleepers.**"

As she rubbed her eyes, the man approached her with a clawed hand to sink to her chest. But before he could deal the fatal blow she elbowed him in the gut, stunning him.

"**You dare?**"

"Oh, yeah." She adopted a defiant stance. "If what you're saying is true, then strike me down now. But I'm not about to let a friend of mine die in the hands of a sadist without a fight, whoever you are."

"**If that is what you wish.**" He simply raised both hands, and they plummeted to the surface of a floating rock platform. **"You do realize that once you die here, you lose your life in the waking?**"

"I've seen the Elm Street movies, thanks."

"**Well, then**" There was a twinkle in one of his eyes as he flashed his ruby pendant. "**Did you like the part where the kid was swallowed by the bed?**" On his command the ground under Kim's feet began to sink, with the sand grinding at her shoes. Remembering the horrid scene's turnout, she quickly jumped off the sinkhole as it broke from the platform.

"Your losing your deadpan voice, bugface." She rushed towards him and gave a chop on his neck, which easily dropped his metallic head onto Kim's startled heads.

"**Not just my voice, Kimberley.**" Answered the disembodied head. His oblivious body pushed her off to the edge and snatched its seeing side from her. She quickly drew her dryer and fired a grappling hook onto the edge to pull her back up. After putting himself together, he raised his hands once more. "**I think I could use some help in shutting you down, my vortex.**"

Dark ribbons of smog oozed out of Kim's ears and entwined in front of the man. It completed to form the guise of Josh Mankey, except with platinum blond hair and snazzy shades.

"Dream Josh?" asked Kim. "You're going to tag along with a dream version of one of the mellowest guys at school?"

"**Not exactly.**"

Dream Josh took off his shades to reveal toothed mouths where his peepers should have been. "Hi Kim. Nice eyes. Spare a bite?" He licked his chops and flashed a switchblade as he charged at her.

She jerked away from the blade coming to the direction of her face and pinned his arms down. This thing should have ended this way, if Josh didn't lock Kim from behind with his leg and tumbled her off. They wrestled like crazy until Kim was in a disabling position with Josh's blade ready to cut off her eyes.

The dark figure swayed his hand to the dream entity as he approached the two. "**Stay your blade, Josh. I'd like the last image in Kimberley Anne Possible's vision to be...**" He took off his insectoid helmet, revealing a very familiar and incompetent face "…my ultimate triumph. Haha, who's 'all that' now?"

"Drakken?" she exclaimed. She punched Dream Josh upside the head, knocking him out and causing his blade to sink on her upper right chest instead (which was okay compared to getting eye gouged). With her remaining strength from her left arm she pushed Josh off the cliff and painfully drew out the sticking blade.

"Uh, oh." The artificer's mirth quickly switched to dread.

"Great disguise. For a minute there, I was actually fooled into thinking I had a dream vortex and that you were a god of sleep." She threw the knife at Drakken's chest, shattering his pendant.

His expression morphed into one of his trademark grins. "I admit that vortex thing was lame, but I'm sort of a god of sleep now." The knife didn't draw blood, and instead sank into his body. "With you trapped in your slumber, your friends away, and my mastery of magic, it looks like you haven't got a prayer." As he spoke, His tattered garb grew more monstrous until it resembled a spiked form of power armor, with one of its arms ready to clamp over Kim "Any last words for Dr. Drakken, the man, before you take you last dance?"

"Yeah." Thinking of a way to distract him with out Ron's help, she cried "Look out, it's Mr. Sit-down!"

His head turned back and forth looking for the oversized cuddle creature. "Oh, no. Not again!" At this period, she jumped on the armor's arm and did a flying kick right on Drakken's kisser. With the barriers enforced by his mind dissipating, Kim's dream realm began to brighten as Drakken's cursing voice faded out.

* * *

"Wake up, young mistress. You've been out like a light."

Kim opened her eyes and saw the devkarin elf from before. She found herself back in the Undercity. "My gosh, what time is it?"

"Three hours from dawn, I'm afraid." He scratched his head. "You just missed breakfast." He fished out another loaf of Portobello bread. "Best to catch up."

A Protean Hulk stomped from the distance, eating what looks like a nest of escargot bobbing on the water. "No time." She pushed him aside. "I gotta catch that thing before noon."

The elf pulled her back. "Well, rushing out and rasling one ain't gonna get ya anywhere, young mistress." Scruffy the Mossdog barked behind them. "They're too big to be brought to submission by an average guy like you and me."

"I suppose you have a better idea, then?"

"The hulks, like all of nature's children, follow their instincts. They're omnivorous, but they enjoy the nutritious taste of Portobello bread." He sounded as if he was plugging a food product. "Umm um, good for laboring mothers as well as growin' kids."

"This is no time for telling me about your…bread." Kim stopped and had a brain blast. "Um, can I ask you for a favor?"

His eyes lit up. "With what you did for me yesterday, I'd give a whole cartload of bread to you."

"I have a better idea. Why don't you help me with a delivery?"

He scratched his head once more. "Whaddya mean?"

In response to his question, Kim snatched the loaf from the farmer's hand and tried to draw the Hulk's attention to them. "Hey you, you want some of this? Come and get it!"

The devkarin farmer shouted in terror as the green colossal quadruped galloped in their direction.

* * *

"Rise and shine, young dragon." Ivy lightly slapped Jake awake. "It's eleven forty-five. You're friend didn't come with the goods, so I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cut you up now." She flashed her scalpel and held it on his neck. "This won't take long."

His hair stood on end at the sight of the blade. "C'mon, man. It's not even noon yet. Give her a few more minutes."

She held the anthrozil's lips. "Not listening. Besides, I've been waiting for a whole day for a hulk on my lap. What the heck is wrong with her, did she stop and talk to the locals or something?"

Just then, a flood of water burst from the wall of the Simic Shelter. The rushing force carried off the Simic artist and her soon-to-be subject off into the hall.

Ivy frantically flailed her arms as she bobbed from the wave. "Help, I can't swim. Call the coastguard. Call the fire department. Call my mom. "

"Don't sweat it." said an annoyed Kim at her, who was standing knees above the water.

"Uh, my Waterloo." Ivy stood up, feeling rather embarrassed. "You saved me from a horrible fate, Kim." She hugged and kissed her. "No thanks to your stiff friend over there." Ivy gestured at the still paralyzed Jake, who was positioned face down. If one listened closely, you can hear the anthrozil grumble curses under in his breath.

"Oooh-kay." Kim slowly pushed aside the older woman and waved her hand on the direction of the protean hulk, which devoured a pile of mushroom bread one loaf at a time. "Look what I dragged in on my way here."

Ivy was instantly hooked. "Kawaii desu!" she launched herself onto the beast and stroked and kissed its face. The hulk spied her with its beady eyes and stopped eating. It opened its mouth wide and let out its tongue and licked her face while making what sounded like a purr mixed with a whimper. Jake and Kim stuck out their tongues in disgust.

"I haven't felt this much joy since the time I had a pet turtle." She tapped the beast's forehead. "I think I'm gonna call you Roxanne. Nice name, huh?" It clicked its tongue with delight.

Ivy turned back to the teen heroine. "Well, a deal's a deal my dear. You're both free to go."

"What about Jake and his…problem?" Kim slapped the anthrozil's back, causing him to cringe.

"Oh, that. You can easily slice it off with an ordinary blade." The artist handed a scalpel to Kim. "Take one of mine, I have plenty. You know what they say: no pain, no gain." "Now, if you'll excuse me: I have an experiment to conduct." She fished out bags of what looked like human hair and threw them at Roxanne's mouth as she took on another gulp of bread.

"Thanks to you I'll be able to bring my family back, through the magic of Proteagenesis. Now to clean this mess up." Ivy took a mop and started wiping the slimy floor.

Kim carefully severed the cytoplasts that burrowed deep into Jake's skin with the scalpel, much to his suffering, when the devkarin farmer's head popped up from above "You're gonna have to replace my wagon, young mistress. That there hulk crunched it up real good on the way here."

She ceased the operation and pointed at Ivy. "She'll pay for the damages, it's her Hulk now." "The problem is that she's all alone in this place, with that oversized green beast. Maybe you can do her a favor and give her company?"

"Hoowee, that's swell idea comin' from you. She could be my biggest client yet." He approached Ivy to talk business, unaware of the sound of Kim's last laugh.

**Ravnica Glossary ('coz you're gonna need it)**

**The Golgari Swarm** – Is reported to be the largest guild based on membership; for included among its ranks are the Devkarin Elf tribe and the Teratogens, a term used to refer to undead, living beasts, or gorgons. The swarm follows the life and death cycle very seriously (which was okay since they're mostly farmers and hunters), which means that they're more willing to get down and dirty than the other guilds. This club has suffered a reputation for having a contested leadership, constantly switching from the Devkarin and the Teratogens. Jarad, a zombie Devkarin necromancer, currently pastures them.

**The Cult of Yore** – The Cult is an underground club devoted to teaching the people of Ravnica about the time before "progress" and the Guildpact restrained her inhibitions. They seem to worship, no, respect the strange creatures called Nephillim that manifested the destructive forces of nature. Nothing much is known about its leadership.

**Protean Hulk** – This giant beast's biological characteristics are debatable, but experts (such as the one who drew an interpretation of it) state that these hulks were made by nature to help repopulate the world in response to the urbanization that befell it. It ate the flesh of creatures, storing some of their genetic material in their bloodstream and develops them in green sacks on its back via parthenogenesis. This is the reason why creatures that seemed extinct seemed to live on in the city, such as the dodo, quagga and the crocodile hunter.

**Saruken** – A friend of the writer suggested this as another word for Ron's "mystical monkey powers". It's Japanese (duh-fading counters!) for "Monkey Fist". He likes this term better in Japanese 'coz, technically, he considers Monty Fiske a freakin' poser.


	7. Side Story: Guildpact, Take 2

_**More than ten millennia ago…**_

One should have been there many centuries ago: at the height of the great Ravnican sprawl; many organizations have fought to the death to acquire dominance of the newly declared ecumenopolis. In the end, only ten clubs remain. As the first arrow was about to be shot to start a new war and determine the victor, one man came forward with a way to counter the conflict. A humble man named Azor put forth the elaborate treaty, of which stated that these remaining guilds must settle their differences and work together to help the city instead.

That day, a massive crowd gathered on the park where the twin pillars now stood. In the middle of this sea stood the nine guildpact founders or "paruns" scrawling their respective signatures in blood and magic: Azor wrote his with a silver pen; Simic the vedalken made his with a grubby pen which lasted him two decades; Svogthir the necromancer broke a chicken bone and oozed his name out with it; the angel Razia blazed her name with the swing of her sword; the massive Mat'Selesnya scribbled with her gnarly fingers; the even bigger Rakdos licked his finger and scratched a smoldering 'X'; Niv the Dragon simply snorted a geyser of fire from a nostril and crafted a very detailed and highly extravagant signature, complete with flaming designs and little Niv caricatures; the Obzedat's chairman dipped his pen in a cup of ink mixed with the blood of him and his brotherhood and simply wrote their group's name, yet the pact immediately understood and bled out their names.

With the brute crush of a thumb, Cizarsim made his mark at the end of a long winding parchment scroll. The document, which seemed to have a mind of its own, reconfigured the cyclop's thumbprint into a scripted version of his name. The alpha male groaned his disapproval of this unnatural approach, but it didn't matter: the Ravnican Guildpact has acquired the last attendee's signature.

"Excellent, every guildmember has signed" Azor raised the end of the treaty in front of his face to confirm it. "My fellow paruns, upon signing this you realize that our organizations must not at anytime incite conflict with each other and are subject to the guildpact's crippling magic upon breaching this agreement until it deems appropriate, agreed?" He pointed to the table with a glaring mace as the others reluctantly agreed.

The Azorius leader pouted. "Come on, people! Raise your enthusiasm a little. We are building a new Ravnica here" The majority of the crowd cheered, happy that the destruction wrought by guild conflict was at an end. In order not to be conspicuous, the paruns joined their joy.

"Now Isperia will roll it up and notarize it, approving its status as a legal document". Azor whistled for the sphinx, a fair-haired beast whose helmet sported the Azorius trademark.

She landed on the table where the guildpact lay and began growling indecipherable words in front of the Arbiter. Azor shook his head. "I know it's not your job, but Charlie was sick today. Just this once, please." He said an aside to the spectral bodyguard beside him "She has been like this ever since her spouse was run over by an anti-saproling mob. It was quite depressing, a dashing lion in his prime that he was."

She sniffed, and poked the scroll along with her snout. With the slap of a paw, Isperia legalized the document. The sphinx threw it into the air and the scroll exploded into a rain of golden dust, showering the paruns. Unbeknownst to the witnesses of this event, an invisible hand has quickly scribbled a name on the guildpact before the sphinx has completely rolled it.

"And now, we party!" Azor fanned out his hands and a flock of doves erupted behind him, holding bottles of chardonnay and clear goblets on their talons for the large crowds to catch. The Arbiter's two soulsworn bodyguards, despite their doubts, opened up their robes and covered the paruns like a giant tent; sheltering the next part of his agenda from the crowd.

"We have got to say," The meta-dryad declared in a chorus of voices as she downed a barrel of the stuff. "This has been the Arbiter's best idea since he built that forest reserve for the other dryads to frolic on."

"You mean," the four-horned demon interjected "the quickest move he made. Though I'd respect him for that, what's his game?"

"Ah-em." Cizarsim angrily faked a cough at the horned one. "That's my idea. Woods are good for game."

"Oh yeah, but it wouldn've gone through all that without Mr. Floating-Chair's approval." Svogthir corrected him.

Isperia snarled on the necromancer's direction, but the Arbiter steadied her pounce. Turning to the Golgari leader he asked, "You dare to insult the Grand Arbiter in his presence?"

"No, sir." Svogthir responded innocently. "Didn't even lay a finger on you, Oh Mighty Azor." He said, half-mocked.

Behind his visor, Azor rolled his eyes. "Yes…remember to do that."

"The treaty was one thing." Svogthir continued as he stirred the broken chicken bone on the wine to give it a gamey flavor. "I was surprised that y'all got us to cooperate and sign it. I mean here we are: three humans, a Cyclops, an angel, a vedalken, a demon, a bramble-chick and a dragon, all natural-born enemies. I have a hard time doin' that with my place."

"I don't really care what that treaty thing said." Rakdos said as he lapped the white wine with his tongue. "As long as it didn't get in the way of my fun. I have a new master of ceremonies and I need to break her in." His giggle sounded like the skittering of a thousand scorpions.

"What kind of fun things is he talking about, my friend?" The Obzedat chairman asked as he tugged on the necromancer's shoulder.

Svogthir smiled, which creep the chairman out. "Y'all don't wanna know what the demonlord's idea of fun is, pal."

Niv snorted "Feh, I could've made a better way to settle guild conflicts in my sleep. The ruler of the world was just lucky that he got there first." He slapped the blue-skinned biomancer on the back, whose mind was clearly not at this gathering. "What do you think, my vedalken friend?" The frilled dragon laughed, as if Niv cared what anyone else thought.

Simic jerked, turning his gaze from the peoples of Ravnica beyond the spectral tent and into the eyes of the Firemind. "Uh, wha? Oh, sorry, can't talk; observing my clients."

The frilled dragon bellowed. "Seriously, man! You gotta stop this passive observation thing. People'll think you don't have a life."

The necromancer laughed. "What, 'sides from lookin' in front of a reversifyin' glass all day?"

The Firemind frowned. "Your point?"

Razia impatiently cradled the rapidly denaturing wine with her hand. "Look, can we move this along? I have this biting urge to beat someone up in the name of justice. Which reminds me?" She caught her sword's hilt and slowly pointed it around the other paruns. "You haven't seen the Lord of Secrets lately, have you?"

"Nope" Svogthir shook his head.

"Nuh-uh" Rakdos replied.

"Not recently" Mat answered.

The chairman adjusted his monocle. "Who's he?"

"Well, duh!" Niv immediately blurted out. "He wouldn't be called 'Szadek, Lord of Secrets' if he was seen by more picture jockeys than I was."

The Arbiter shook his head. "It was disappointing that the Lord of Secrets didn't acknowledge us his presence. We saved a special seat for him." He gestured at a basket-weaved chair reeking of garlic, which forced the others to back away. "Still, may I order you my impatient friend, to hold your blade?"

Razia fumed. "Arbiter, you realize that that vampire has been on top of the Legion's wanted list since the moroii outbreak of '64."

"This urge will have to wait. Now that we have established ourselves as the world's new founders, I have taken the liberty of assigning sections of it for you to monitor and maintain, my fellow paruns. Isperia, where is that carbon copy of the Guildpact?" The sphinx threw another scroll with her mouth onto the Arbiter's right. "I appointed my Senate in charge of the judiciary and legislative bodies of the global government."

Svogthir in turn rolled his eyes. "Oh sure, be the bossy one."

Behind his visor, Azor's eye stared at the source of the necromancer's heckling. "Trying to sound smart are you, Svogthir? Very well, then: your responsibility is to help in the disposal of the city's dead, as well as to ensure that everyone is well fed."

The necromancer eye's popped. "Whoo-wee, that's a tall order, most gracious arbiter."

The Arbiter turned to Razia. "Lady of the Firemanes, you will represent the executive branch of this government. It is your duty to defend the participating guilds and protect the guildpact." The angel nodded.

"Rakdos, I have heard a great deal of your organization's hedonistic acts, ranging from simple pleasures to sadistic atrocities that are yet to be investigated."

He stopped from picking his nose and laughed. "Whatever do you mean, my 'ruler of the world'?"

"Do not deny it. Since it is not the Senate's nature to be careless and show hostility towards you, I have thought of a good compromise: indefinite community service until further notice."

"Go ahead and do that, party pooper. My mates and I shall still continue our so-called 'hedonistic acts'. This new world order still needs a little pizzazz. As I would say, "cannodlin' without it hurtin' is like chowin' without saucin'." A part of Azor died as the demonlord said that.

He turned to the vedalken. "Simic, with the growing city comes a growing population. See to it that your guild takes care of it health. Svogthir nudged the far gazing biologist, who shook his head and half-mindedly nodded.

"Mat'Selesnya, you're famous for spiritual fulfillment. Your conclave's task is to soothe the broken spirits of the populace, brought by this atrocious conflict."

The dryad sat down and ceased all movement, as if her collective consciousness have gathered and debated amongst them. She opened her heartwood eyes once more to meet the Arbiter's gaze. "We have pondered, gracious Azor, and we accept this responsibility you entrust."

Azor continued. "Master Firemind, the smartest being in the world,"

"Did'ya hear that, bramble-breath?" Niv nudged Mat's shoulder, breaking her concentration. "He called me smart."

"The world would require your expertise in meta-magic to oversee, construct and maintain its infrastructures."

"Awww. No offence, ruler of the world, but that's sounds like a lot of work. Can't someone else do it?"

"I'm sorry, but I thought you opened a guild of academic wizards?"

"Actually, that guild's just a little project I've been working on. I got bored, so they ended up training themselves, with my regular help of course."

"They could do the work for you, then."

"What a splendid idea! Glad I thought of it." The dragon wizard smiled.

Azor rolled his eyes. "Moving on; great Cisarzim, seeing as how this urban sprawl is further diminishing our virgin areas, your responsibility is the most important one (second to my guild's, of course): protect our wilds, and preserve them for future generations.

"Floating ruler speaks good words. We appreciate your choice. I am most grateful."

Mat's eyes flashed, signifying her alarm. "That's not fair, Grand Arbiter."

"I agree with her." Svoghtir rattled his wooden staff. "This big lug gets to goof off with full use of the wilds while we baby-sit the danged city slickers."

Simic looked over his notes. "It's not that bad."

"Shut up, blueboy!" the necromancer spat. "We know you're just as upset as us on this."

"What you do about it? I'm bigger than you both. I can easily pound you." The Cyclops readied his club.

"We'll see if you'll still think that after I sic my rotwurms on your hairy feet," said Svogthir, as he was about to pound his staff once more.

Isperia sprinted at the middle and lashed her tail onto the necromancer's hand, disarming him. She roared in Cisarzim direction, which stopped and startled his massive frame, causing him to nearly drop his club.

"There will be no conflict between you and Cisarzim, Svogthir. Remember, we are oath-brothers now." Azor reminded them.

"Ergh, one of these days, one-eye." grumbled the death wizard under his breath.

That's almost everyone, except…"Rowan, chairman of the Obzedat."

Rowan almost spat out the white wine. "T-the grand master knows my name?"

"It is a job, Chairman Rowan. As the ruler of the world it is my responsibility to know who you are and what you do. For instance: I know that your conscience is clear Rowan, for your actions are regularly well-intentioned, particularly with your family and flock."

"Well, the Orzhov religion is a rapidly growing following in the city, your highness. We, the Obzedat, have to do everything in our influence to cater for our worshippers."

"I trust that you can handle the economic aspects of our cityworld, then?"

Rowan was stunned. "G-Grand Master, what do we know about the concepts of materiality? We are but humble clerics who collect units of faith, hope and love."

Svogthir blew a raspberry. "This greenhorn is makin' me sick."

"I am sure you can handle this. Everyone has a part to play in ruling the city of Rav, and currency, I am sad to say, is the true blood of civilization: not my laws, the Firemind's knowledge and Svogthir's food."

After Azor gave out this final decision, Rowan nervously accepted. In his mind, he thought of the expected reactions of his fellow Obzedat members who disagreed with the Grand Master's proposal and how they'll miss the sweet pay-offs. He then watched as the helmed sphinx pushed a heavy crate in front them and opened it.

"These" Azor continued, fishing out a device with gilded engravings. "are complimentary flashlights to be given to the guilded officials who witnessed this glorious events. These artifacts are to be used strictly to help a friend in need. Fortunately for you, their usage is not bound by law and can be used anytime. Get one and pass." Most of the paruns found it silly, or unnecessary, to receive these devices, despite them being free.

"Now this concludes the first meeting of the paruns. Please remain for the rest of the festivities, for this will be a day to remember." The mystical tent began to fade out, and the spectral pair who made it rematerialized to cover Azor's rear once more. The paruns were once again immersed in the merrymaking of the Ravnicans of Pillar Square, yet dispersed to meet with their respective guildkin for any updates in this otherwise peaceful time.

Two of the green-aligned guild leaders regretted the Arbiter's decision, most especially Azor's pain-in-the-backside Svogthir, after he gave Cizarsim what they believed was the biggest responsibility (not to mention privilege) with "caring" for the city. Mat'Selesnya and the Necromancer secretly desired to band together and tear down the alpha male and have their rightful piece of pie, despite their differences in philosophies. Simic too felt he was offered the short end of the stick, realizing over pickled olives after stopping from his observations. Being the passive fellow that he was though, he decided to let nature and fate do its course.

Rakdos chatted over the crowd's noise with his latest proxy, and both guffawed heartily at the sentence the Arbiter imposed on him and his guild. As one can tell, he didn't care what the ruler of the world said, for the show would still go on. The blood witch began to discuss new "distractions" with her master as the strength of the threat diminished in their heads.

The Firemind called his devoted proteges to him telepathically, describing his plans for making this city better for its folk. Despite his vain personality, he had enough faith that his proteges couldn't screw up this city as much as the plain folks did many years ago. Before he got bored, as he often did, he quickly brainstormed a way to improve the newly established city of guilds. He straightened his long red neck and watched his massive scaled brethren fly overhead over the clear skies. His ruffled his frills and smiled a draconic grin, for a tragic yet satisfying idea formed from his fiery brain...

Rowan's head was spinning with as he walked back to his section of the crowd while accompanied by two golden-armored bodyguards. He and five of the ten original members of the Obzedat agreed to have the Syndicate be a member of the Guildpact. The five, dressed to impress in finest golden fleece and egyptian cotton, shook his hands and gave high-fives since the treaty went well. The other four would be very disappointed that they didn't agree to this and have a cut of their share; still, that's how the Obzedat made their decisions. Rowan began to wonder what to do with the material responsibility Azor bestowed on his guild, but judging by the dollar signs forming on their eyes, his teammates had a pretty good idea...

Razia fumed as she found her party and regrouped, for the Arbiter's meeting wasted thirty minutes of her time. A sargeant reported that they captured several shady characters in the crowds since Azor's bodyguards made the spectral tent. She ordered them to question the supects for the Lord of Secret's whereabouts, for they will bound to crack. She flapped her wings and too flight to continue the rest of the search. Szadek had to be out there...

"What a naive fool, that Grand Arbiter. " Boiled tea flowed within the fanged gullet of a shrewd-looking gentleman wearing bottle-glass shades as he spat at his equally pale-skinned compatriot with a barely-concealing bucket hat, not far from the Guildpact Square. "I can't believe he actually invited me to write my name on this magical treaty of his. I wouldn't want to be a part of any club that would have me as a member." he declared, risking looking like an idiot to the indifferent patrons of the bar.

"Still," He plucked a spiny quill with a pulsating eyeball from his breast pocket, its tip oozing crimson ink as if it was recently used. "It doesn't hurt to take advantage of its benefits, am I right?"


	8. Omerta

_How was your trip?_ A sarcastic tone echoed in the recesses of Drakken's mind.

Drakken mumbled face first on the carpeted floor of Duskmantle's surveillance room, with his posterior in the air, after he was pushed out of the dream realm of his own creation. "It was horrible. What'dya expect?"

_Oh, ho. Tell me something I don't know. Ironically, I was half-expecting you to win, Drakken. Your dream visage alone was enough to shake that girl's spirit. Still, you had to go and gloat, didn't you? _

He sat up and rubbed his face. "The situation called for it. Everyone knows a villain is obliged to gloat at the sight of his fallen foe."

…Obviously, there's more for you to learn on how the former leader did things around here.

"Sounds like this leader had a rod up his a-"

_I wouldn't insult the former leader if I were you, Drakken. Somewhere, he might be listening._

He doubtfully stared in the empty room, trying to visualize the smugness in the speaker's

Voice. "I thought he was dead."

He left this house along time ago, but his ears are still open.

A long pause echoed in the room. "I don't get it."

_Telling you is not the Dimir way, now is it?_ Szadek replied matter-of-factly, to which the blue-skinned artificer shouted in frustration.

_If you're finished venting your anger, perhaps you'd better check up on that snitch you sent._ As if driven by Szadek's will, a small square part of the globe glowed and instantly projected an image of a gothic mansion surrounded by flat abandoned buildings that blended with the background. Its marble facade shined in the large full moon and bats screeched from its belfry.

Drakken involuntarily whistled. "What I wouldn't give to own a house like that."

A tiny head suddenly zipped past the projected image, looking slightly confused. "Feels like I'm being watched." The snitch fluttered towards the mansion, still weighted down by the heavy coin. "Okay. If only she gets the message with that stuff I did."

Teysa skipped and hopped around her room with glee, despite her one lame leg. For a long time her family business, Karlov Tours, have made a fortune escorting the rich and have-a-lot-of-time-in-their-hands through the deep dark depths and tall, sweltering heights of the Utvara region. There were minor setbacks involving Zomac Hauc and his engineered dragon brood and that nephilim infestation that threatened to devour the tourists, but other than that it was a profitable five-year period. Besides, she can always hire some skilled bookkeepers to cover the costs.

The result of her bequeathed entrepreneurship was the loot all around her: gold, jewels and other baubles filled sparkling braziers; black silks skinned from mortipede pupa draped her pad's columns; beautiful paintings of the Karlov lineage made from gold leaf and oil pastel littered every corner; in the middle of the room a fountain with three plump cherubs spurt forth three kinds of cheese, waiting for hedonists to indulge from its basin. Yes, it's true. Zinos was the blood of civilization, as her family would say. Ravnica sure donated a hekuvalot.

She stopped dancing and sat down on her knees in front of a marble statue of a man with linear markings on his forehead. "All this wouldn't have been possible without you, Uncle Boris." The baroness kept herself from shedding a tear. "Still, why? Why did I have to kill you, my only family in this poor, poor world? You old fool; having this wealth is pointless without someone to share it with."

A bat fluttered overhead and dropped a small scroll of paper on her lap. "What is this?" Unraveling the note showed a crudely drawn image of a crusty rod. "Such an ugly drawing. No doubt doodled by a commoner." Teysa's eyes sparked with realization. "Wait a second, this looks like…it is! The only other decent place in this hellhole!"

Quickly, the Baroness stood up and pulled off the statue's hand, which was revealed to be a custom-made telephone. "Damn, how does this work again?" she grumbled as she tapped the buttons on Boris' palm. "Hello, Tessa of Karlov Tours? This is your boss speaking. Guess what? You'll never believe where my next tourist attraction is going to be…"

* * *

The blond teen stretched his arms and legs after another period of Ravnican slumber. He was half-hoping that upon opening his eyes once more, the past four days would have been a dream. He would be back on his own bed in his own room, instead of sprawled on a shaggy carpet with a bunch of other guys on top of a crystal tower in the middle of nowhere. Sadly, the former wasn't the case. The disappointment was enough to make one cry, and Ron was man enough to shed a tear while no one was watching.

"In the next room we have a family of real live Gruul Clan people in what we would call their, um, natural environment. If you would follow me, please remember that flash photography can provoke these majestic creatures. "

Instinctively, Ron's ears pricked up to the source of the tourists' fascinated oohs and ahs. It's as if the whole place has been turned into a tourist trap overnight (he got the idea when he saw the velvety railings surrounding the rug). He turned over to the guildmage's side to rouse him. "Ghut, I think we might have a situation…"

The septuagenarian brushed his hand off. "Gerrof greenhorn, an uld man needs his shut-eye."

"Ghut, I thought this place is free from tourists. I heard voices downstairs."

"Too wasted from smackin' your face, lad."

"Dude, if they keep this up, who knows what'll happen to the crystal tower? They might turn this into a mall, though that would be cool..."

"Let them do that. God, what do you do to get some sleep around here…"

"At this rate, we'll miss breakfast!"

Ghut Rak quickly sprang up. "Oh no, they wouldn'a!" He swatted off a bunch of dried sticks from a rusty drum and shouted at the archway that leads to the stairs. "Stand back, lad. Alright ye snot-nosed backpackers, come have a taste of Gruul vengeance!" he shouted. A quick blow on the pieces of wood suddenly ignited them, as if his rage manifested into real fire.

Ron's "That…is so cool."

"What's going on?" Sut was just waking up herself.

He responded as he eyed the glowing embers. "Uh, nothing new."

"I can hear the Clanners stirring from their sleep, everyone. Now remember what I told you: stay silent, no touching the exhibits, and-DUCK AND COVER!" the tour attendant said moments before Ghut threw the sticks in the civilians' direction, which exploded upon impact. The smoked rescinded, with the explosions leaving scorch marks all over the hall, yet the tourists were unharmed. They went into a state of panic and started shouting as they scrambled down the stairs.

The lone staff member took out a walkie-talkie and began warning the staff on the base. "Shel to Tessa. Shel to Tessa. Wild bunch scared moneybags, over!"

"Izzet Technology!" the guildmage snatched the gizmo from her hands and crunched it with his bare fist. He grabbed her by the neckline. "We have no use fer that here, lassie. Call off yer security squad or ye'll be sorry."

"Too late, Gruul." A twinkle on Tessa's eye responded from the dark corner of the tower. She walked out of the shadows, her face covered by what looked like an ivory mask on a staff. Six creatures made from pale putrid flesh accompanied her. Ghut immediately dropped Shel, who proceeded to scamper out and join the shaken tourists.

She presented her scarred facial features, her empty right socket covered by a gilded eye patch, in full view "That was quite an impressive performance you did, guildmage. No casualties for the Orzhov to use. Too bad you aren't using your talents for our construction company."

"How'd she get here so fast? It must be magic." Ron pointed out rather automatically.

Tessa slapped her head at Ron's innocent ignorance. "Idiot, I took that crummy lift." She pointed reluctantly at the makeshift device barred by wooden railings. "Getting back to business: I've faced two nephilim attacks, thirty-five cave-ins and six draconic assaults in my twenty years of overseeing Karlov tours. Eliminating hostile tramps like you are the least of my problems."

She snapped her fingers, to which the thrulls quickly responded. "Kill these miscreants." The flesh beasts followed the manager's order and lunged towards the four.

Ghut shouted at Ron's direction in turn. "Lad, I could use some of that monkey power right here!"

"Aw, do I have to?"

"Quit dawdlin' and go-argh!" A tooth-encrusted minion sank its jaws on the guildmage.

The blond teen jumped at the large headed thrull first, kicking through its cranium. He threw it at a thrull with four legs. As another thrull grazed him with a clawed hand, he yelled and twisted it off.

He scratched his head at the "That must hurt."

"Don't worry abut me, lad." Ghut pounded the toothy thrull on the head, knocking it flat. "How's Sut?

"She and Rufus are hitting it off good." The cantor threw a flaming molerat right through the two remaining flesh minions.

In a split second every one from Team Gruul felt a stinging pain from the core of their souls that forced them to fall on their knees. Tessa was smiling at their suffering as her scarred features slowly healed towards her empty socket.

"Sucks doesn't it, Gruul? My very presence can cause sap the life out of you and add it to my own."

The shaman turned to Ron's direction. "This looks like a good time to use that spell I thought you, lad."

"You got it, Ghut." He channeled thoughts to power up the growing fireball.

Unperturbed, Tessa donned a pair of shades and took out pack of liquid breakfast. "Huho, I better not miss this." She said as she slurped.

"Daughter, channel your energy into his."

She grabbed him on his limbs and gripped tight, chanting archaic lore at the same time. "Brace yourself, Ron."

A pyrotechnic projectile erupted from his shaking palms right and appeared to have struck home at the tour manager. When the smoke cleared, she was still standing.

"Not fair!" shouted Ron.

A curved smile cut through Tessa's face once more. "Is that the best you got?"

The shaman cringed in frustration. "Damnit, get ready fer yours, sister." He flashed a green glow and rushed towards Tessa. His assault was halted when an unseen force pushed Ghut back.

"Didn't you know, Gruul?" a mass of spectral figures with innocent eyes surrounded her. "We can find use for every form of spirit." The baroness' lackey flashed three turquoise keys from her pocket. "Now, would you like to surrender peacefully like good little urchins, or do I have to place your heads on the stocks?"

"Ach, no it couldn't be." The guildmage squinted into the ghostly mass. "Knut, is that ye?" He shook his head in disgust. "Ye canna fool me with yer necromancy, you aristocratic witch!" He shouted to his right. "Daughter, take the lad and get outta here!"

"C'mon, Ron. Now's our chance." The cantor pointed at the tower's window.

"Through there? Are you crazy?" He had no time to decline, for she grabbed him and the mole rat and ran to the balcony, whistling sharply through her fingers.

"Someday, we'll come back and claim this lone sanctuary again. But right now, pardon my mess!" he then took a large stump from the floor.

"What, are you going to pound me with that blunt weapon, guildmage?" She pointed at the phantasmal mass surrounding her. "Remember the Faultless?"

"Don't worry, they'll get their share too." He blew on it, igniting its metaphysical wick…

BOOM!

Shel tried to calm the frightened tourists at the base of the tower. "It's okay, ladies and gents. I'm sure the manager has taken care of the situa-LOOK OUT!" she shouted as a large crystal spike nearly missed her and two other people. The tower shattered in a flurry of orange blaze and thunderous noise, sending its shards off in all directions. The civilians, in the spirit of "every man for himself", scrambled back to the tourist base with their priorities straight. "I knew I shoulda joined the Wojek with my twin brother." The tourist attendant said, squealing with her hands clamped on her heads as she ran.

Up above, Ron, Rufus and Sut were falling at two miles per hour, seconds away from the blaze. The sarukenist was screaming his lungs out over this stunt, since this time there was no parachute to ensure a safe landing. In a flash, a large bird similar to an egret with red and yellow feathers caught the three and maintained their altitude. Ron shuddered at the sudden stop and eyed their unexpected fate.

"Rufus, we're alive! And it's all thanks to this giant yellow stork." Giddily, he gave his molerat a big smooch, which the rodent found nasty for his human friend's enthusiasm nearly sucked his skin off. After which he then kissed Sut.

The druidess shook off the feeling. "He's not a stork, Ron. He's a Bird of Paradise, quite big for his species. I found him while I was still on the Ravnican Zoo."

"You trained him to come for you while making the Nacos? That's impressive!"

Poor Ron, he was still none the wiser. She stopped for a moment and thought of a good excuse to hide that crazy fib. "Sure. Anyway, I don't think the crystal tower would be available anytime soon." Sut head bowed low without turning around. "Father did a pretty good job thrashing it beyond Tessa's means of repair."

"I dunno." The blonde teen observed the crystal tower's distant remains. "Most of the rooftop's still there. Plus the explosion narrowly missed that ugly doll collection below the main room." He ruffled the feathers of the large bird as he neared the cantor. "You sure had a grudge against that lady. What's up with that?"

"That woman was working for Teysa Karlov, the baroness of Utvara." She turned to take a glimpse at the scorched site. "The Gruul have always been enemies with her and her exploitative guild."

"What do you mean?"

"Being Gruul isn't just a walk on the woods, Ron. I'll tell you more later."

"Hey, Shouldn't we come back to make sure Ghut is ok?"

"No need. He gave me a signal before we jumped from the balcony. We'll meet at a diner not far from here."

"I thought he wouldn't go for places like that."

"Father would want to keep a low profile."

He laughed. "Still, Ghut at a diner? This I gotta see."

* * *

"So nice of you kids to help me mop up this mess. The house needed a little cleaning anyway." Her eyes darted from the redhead in front of her to the steadily scribbling pencil on a large napkin on top of the round glass table. "Thanks to your help, I've finished a lot of chores that should've been done years ago."

She raised her eyebrow. "I thought you've been here for only two years."

The bespectacled woman in front of her raised a palm. "Ah, you know. Past scientists lived here before, and those guys were too busy to clean after themselves." The palm switched into a fiddling position under her chin. "Where did I keep them again?"

"Don't tell me you killed them." She said, half-jokingly.

A playful punch was a reply, much to her surprise. "Silly girl. Master Vig told us to put our photos in the house's scrapbook for record keeping. It's a Simic thing." She sighed as she continued drawing. "It's a good thing you stuck around for lunch, by the way. That elf guy (Ezoc, was it?), did he make the best mossdog stew or what?"

"As long as I don't eat them all week." She felt like sticking her tongue out. "Carving his dog right in front off us just to make soup. That was barbaric."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Without him though, this place won't have fresh groceries delivered on the doorstep every day. Only the best for my big beautiful kaiju and me. Ain't that right, Roxanne dear?" she called out the open window, to which a monstrous purr replied back. "I won't be lonely tonight. No hard feelings about me getting you to fetch her out from the sewers, are there?"

She almost spat out begrudgingly as she said her reply. "No big. It's doesn't matter if it's a cargo truck or a Protean Hulk as long as I can get it in." She had to waste her time, didn't she?

"Goody." She clapped her hands in childish delight, and then called out to the door leading to the kitchen. "How's the coffee going, Jakey?"

He sputtered while he tilted from the kitchen door. "Why'dya have to make me do the java?"

Ivy tilted her head naively. "You have an obligation for your host, my dear"

"That doesn't make sense! It's the other way around."

Ignoring his gripes she shouted back, a hand cupped on her right ear. "I think I hear the water boiling." He grumbled as he retracted back to continue. A grumbling noise reverberated like "I'll give you boiling" and was followed by a violent belching sound.

Getting back to the girl in front of her, she continued their conversation. "You know, you're lucky to have him as your guide to this city, my dear. He looks like a slacker, but he's a hardworking kid. You cut out two cytoplasts from his back, a feeling that rivals cutting off a working limb. Still, he moves on through the pain. Remind you of anyone?"

Dang. What are you saying, you freaky psychologist wannabe? "You don't mean Ron, do you?"

"Oh yeah. Nothing ever gets pass you, Kim." She stopped scribbling, and a wide grin cut through her face. She lifted the paper against the pale green light to admire her handiwork for a few seconds, and then showed her sketch to the teen heroine. "Not a bad portrait of you with young Master Long. An Unlikely Team, as they say."

As always, Kim did what's natural for her and quickly spotted an unusual detail. "Is that Ron sulking in the background?"

She giggled. "Just teasing you, my dear."

"Coffee's ready." Jake came out of the kitchen, his jacket catching draft at the back where the cytoplasts burnt through, Pulling it together after remaining immobile for a day, he struggled to carry a pot of the stimulating drink and a plate of pastries dotted with grey-greenish bits.

"Ooh, you even brought some of the Portobello crumpets Ezoc baked. Good for you." She patted his dyed hair and poured the bitter liquid onto a mug. "Now, are you a java person, Kim?"

She uttered a sigh. "I'll pass."

"Suit yourself." The artist proceeded to chomp on a crumpet and washed it down with the java. "Ah Ezoc, you've done it again." She gasped.

Jake shook his head as he slumped onto a nearby chair. "C'mon, Ivy. Are we just going to stay here talking about the weather up there? There must be a reason why you kept us after lunch."

"Why, of course. It almost slipped from my mind. On to business." The other two slapped their heads in frustration.

Still clutching the steaming mug, Ivy brushed off the stuff on the table and held her hands together. "As you know, Ravnica is a dangerous place. Thus, you must always be prepared for your journey."

"Hello? Kim Possible here? 'She can do anything'?" the teen heroine pointed out for the umpteenth time.

"Yes, that's true." Ivy stopped her. "But this world, it's more than ready to deal with those 'who can do anything'. Better if you can deal with them on their level, yes?" She pounded the table, signaling a black canister to drop from the ceiling on Kim's lap. "In this are pressurized capsules of voidslime, a special fungus with a short lifespan and a big appetite. Handle it with care, my dear."

Kim raised an eyebrow on the canister. "What am I to do with hungry mold?"

She in turn gave her a puzzled look. "I dunno. As we artists say, use your imagination." She turned to the anthrozil. "Now, Jakey. Still sore at the back?"

He coughed, presumably not from trying those Portobello crumpets. "You're asking me?"

"You wouldn't mind if I hand you down this, then?" She clasped a clump of bloating skin from her right hand and plucked it off. Kim and Jake gasped at the graphic action the Simic artist did. Licking the barrel of a realized gun was one thing; willingly pulling off a piece of your flesh was worse.

"What? What are you looking at me for?" She stared at them, and then looked at the piece of skin on the palm of her hand, giving a yelp of her own. "Oh, yeah. The 'plast. Don't worry. It's quite harmless." She pulled the anthrozil's left arm towards her and slapped it on the back of his hand. The clump of DNA quickly adapted Jake's complexion and mingled with his body.

"I can't find any use for it, though. I wanted to make one that can help me play the violin, but past lumps gave me side effects like a bad rash. This version is the least dangerous so far…"

Jake surveyed the receding bulge on his hand, half-expecting it to erupt into a giant grub. "So, what does this do?"

Ivy attempted to answer. "I…don't remember, actually. Haven't even tested it out. Perhaps you can do it for me?" she grinned.

"I don't know. It's kinda creepy." He poked on the site of diffusion.

"Take it like a man, kid!" The artist grasped him on the shoulders and shook him violently.

"Alright, alright!" He yelled at the suddenly aggressive artist.

"Thank you, Jakey" She regained her composure and patted his dyed hair. "Ooh, I'm gonna miss you." Ivy then handed her latest sketch. "Kim; take this as a memento of your visit."

She opened her mouth in surprise. "What? Are you sure? This is a good drawing of us."

"Yeah, but I insist. It's not everyday that I get to meet you both, and that's good enough for me." She gives the paper a final smooch before seeing it off. "Now, as Ezoc said, the manhole you seek is a few minutes walk from here. Stick together, steady your aim, and you can be sure to be out of this sewer."

* * *

A sudden eruption of sickly green mucus came out from the bricked Ravnican ground, marring the usual afternoon Ravnican sun. Some of the curious cityfolk flocked on over to the open manhole where the minute geyser came from and were shocked to find two kids climbing out to breath the sweet, if not sooty, city air. "Yo, I thought we'd never get out of that." He stated.

Kim nodded. "Ivy was right, this does have its uses. I better put in five shots just in case." She loaded the hair dryer, with which the cityfolk backed away and continued their afternoon routine.

Jake stretched his arms and cracked his knuckles. "Well, it's back to the daily grind for me." He pulled out a white apron from his jacket, as well as a red scarf.

"Say what?" she stopped him for a minute, adopting his lingo.

"I forgot to tell you, Kim." He said as he wrapped the piece of cloth around his head. "That run-in with the bramble chick cleaned me out. To survive this crazy city, you have to keep you cash flow going. Right now, I'm due at the pub across the street. Wanna come?"

Kim shrugged. "Well, it is getting dark. And I could use some rest after that thing last night."

"Great. Remember, you better keep a low profile. Based on what you said on Dr. Drakken showing up, you need to be careful around crowds now. His thugs could be anywhere."

"Anything you say, Dragon Boy." She joked, much to Jake's sigh.

The two stepped on the stoop of the pub. "Hey, boy! What took you? It's Monday, the place is packed." came a nondescript voice from the doorway. Jake quickly ran inside. Before Kim took her turn, she fished out the napkin sketch and stared at the sulking figure at its corner. "Hang in there Ron, wherever you are."

* * *

Kim had been sitting in that lone stool at the far end of the pub for three hours now, on a spot by a window. She spent that time uncharacteristically fiddling with an overturned mustard jar while sighing her troubles away. She made regular glances between Jake, who busily tended to the counter and rushed to the neighboring tables delivering drinks, and the freaky patrons that frequented the pub. Ever since she settled in she has counted six minotaurs, fourteen elves, thirty-two flittering petite people, six lizard men, three ogres, ten goblins and two elephant heads making merry with the otherwise normal humans.

"Looks like we meet again, dragon boy." A voice ushered Kim to guide her eyes towards a familiar guy standing from the entrance.

The pub jockeys stopped their various activities in the yellow candlelight as they watch at Rich march towards the counter, clutching his silver notepad with his right. Two other humans and a vedalken followed him, wearing the Azorius' trademark blue and white garb. He lay down his pad on the varnished counter as he and his cohorts sat on the hard teak stool.

The anthrozil raised his palms towards the artist, nearly dropping a wiping rag. "Hey, man. I'm not here for trouble."

"I know you are." He lowered his specs and looked him in the eye, a finger on the pad. "We were just patrolling the area and I thought maybe the guys and I could use a drink."

"Uh, sir; we are actually off duty." Rich's vedalken friend whispered.

"I know that, but he doesn't. So shut-up!" He hissed with clenched teeth. He continued to speak to the younger in a normal volume, keeping his eyes planted on Jake and his finger scratching on a page. "It was a surprise to find you here, trying to stake a living amongst society."

"Yeah well; unique guys like me still gots ta eat, know what I'm saying?" Jake plopped four mugs of bumbat beer towards the new customers, keeping his eyes on the artist as well.

"Hmm, clearly." The brown-haired guy sniffed. As if writing notes, he raised his notepad from the table and scribble while facing Jake. "Were you having fun with my favorite toy?"

"Heck, yeah!" Jake smiled. "You shoulda been in the Ghazi that night, I was doin' a somersault while busting caps behind Mat's-

"So you admit!" Rich shouted. He pulled a machete forth, grabbing Jake by the apron and thrusting it towards his neck.

"Long, what's going on there?" yelled the manager behind the backroom's curtains.

"Nothing, citizen! Just the usual Azorius business." the artist replied. Rich gestured to his boys. "Knights, read him his rights."

One of the human knights snappily responded. "Sir, I must stress that we are still off-duty."

"But…don't you see, Gal?" he explained, shaking Jake. "He confessed! We all know that the attempted murder of a guild leader is considered treason. There were many witnesses."

"Our superiors are still processing the accounts, sir," the other human said. "The readings are still half-completed, but they all have one thing in common; subjects were too hysterical to be considered competent for interrogation."

"Damn you and your convoluted system!" he spat. He calmed down, and held his machete like a pointer. "Okay, how about if I say that he's an Anthrozil without a permit?"

"A human dragon, sir?" The vedalken raised a thin eyebrow."

"Yes!" Rich was on the verge of losing his composure. "That should be a good enough reason to arrest him while we're off-duty."

"That would sound acceptable. But…"

"What is it now?" he looked at the vedalken.

The blue humanoid shook his head. "This boy, he is not an anthrozil."

"Huh?"

"Not an anthrozil, sir. He does not even a hint of magical power in him."

The artist released Jake from his grip and slapped his head. "I'm not hearing this."

"It is true, sir." One of the human knights tilted his head to Rich. "Maxi here has an acute sense of magic; something he shared with his sister, God bless her soul." he lowered his head in respect.

"Hello, am I missing something?"

The artist stopped and turned as he saw Kim approaching the counter.

Jake rubbed his neck. "Yeah, your friend here tried to slit my throat."

"No, no. It's not like that, Kim." Rich faced her with a flushed face. "I'm just showing him how solid my drawings are." The knights simply rolled their eyes.

"Save it, Rich." She pulled the artist by the neckline towards her, gazing at his brown eyes seductively while stroking his hair. "Admit it: you're this frustrated because you're an artist who chases after an impossible dream. Well guess what? She's right here in front of you, more solid than your drawings." The barflies began to emanate oohs and ahs upon seeing the dominant spectacle.

Rich's specs fogged up as she gave him a passionate kiss on the lips, at the same time she simultaneously winked at Jake. The boy gave a nervous smile at the crazy thing she was doing: at least she wasn't aware when he did that.

Rich quickly pulled back and wiped his second set of eyes. "Hey, this is wrong. You're steady with Ron."

"The heck with that." She shook her head. "We haven't seen each other for a while and we agreed to see other people days before."

A feeling of joy dawned in him, but he shook it off. "But, we can't do this in front of my boys." He waved his hand to the knights.

"That is true, sir." Maxi nodded.

"You guys should get a room." Gal seconded the motion as he pointed to a room at the far end of the pub.

"Do not worry about us, sir." Gal's brother-in-arms raised his mug. "We will be cheering you on."

"After all, we are off duty." Maxi smiled. "Do it, Commander."

"Yeah, go nuts!" Jake got in on the act.

In response, the other pub jockeys began raising their hands and chanting "Do it, kiddos!" repeatedly.

Not knowing what to do, the artist downed the bumbat and declared. "Alright, I'm going in."

"C'mon." She dragged him to the other room to proceed with her little side quest.

The anthrozil huffed. "I thought they'd never leave." Jake said as he continued to wipe the counter.

"That is true." The vedalken shook his head. "All he did was get us into trouble with our superiors. Artists are an unusual bunch."

He sighed. "You're tellin' me."

Maxi stared at the cytoplast bulge that suddenly slithered to the back Jake's left hand. "You should get that thing checked, by the way."

"What, this?" The anthrozil poked at the sentient growth. He laughed. "This is nothin' compared to the birthmark on my butt. Wanna see?"

"I'll tell youse what we wanna see, barkeep."

Two men waltzed from the entrance to the counter. Both were wearing golden culling sun-shaped badges on their coat pockets to contrast with their black snazzy suits and fedoras. This pub must be popular, thought Jake.

The one with the sullen eyes and graying hair set things straight. "Where's the money?" he asked.

"You heard Marion" his curly haired partner-in-crime added in a nasal voice. "Youse don't wanna mess with him when he's into "protection" duty."

"Yes, Hinges" the superior of the duo lampshaded on his partner's stupidity. "Go ahead and implicate our operations in front of our friends from the Azorius Guard."

"Oh, do not mind us." Gal declared. "We are off duty."

"Quite, officer." Marion said as he focused his eyes on Gal's. He knows the "inhibitors of chaos" are most vigilant when they don't speak informally.

Jake jumped up in surprise when his dwarven manager suddenly clamped his fuzzy hands onto the counter and pulled himself up. "Boys, we're all grownups here," the dwarf said. "I told your boss that we'd get your money, but business patronage has been down since the Senate passed a law keeping hospitality girls from working in our area."

"Don't try and butter us up, Verne." Marion pulled the head barkeep to his eye level as he hissed through steel-capped teeth. "We've been busting our guts keeping others from taking your turf for weeks now. Surely a level-headed proprietor like you can work around some, ahem, restricting law and give the boss his "insurance money", no?"

Thinking quickly, Jake took a bread stick from a clear jar and hurled it an unsuspecting goblin. Believing it was a wayward boomerang that made a significant bump, the green creature held his head. "Ack! He got me!"

"Ya doofus!" The goblin beside him slapped him in the head. "This is just some day-old bread stick."

Another leapt in the air and yelled "FOOD FIGHT!"

This signaled the barflies to start pelting finger food up in the air: ogres walloped each other with legs of ham. Pretzels bounced off an angry horn head, inciting his anger and made him start punching other patrons blindly. Lizard men strangled their tablemates with long eels while stuffing their faces with sliced fruit. An elf dived towards a goblin with a cake covered in poisonous bugs. The knights, who were calmly drinking bumbat, joined the mayhem when they were each doused with flying glasses of the stuff.

A dollop of spaghetti sauce splattered on Hinges's face. "What gives?" Marion turned to the chaos in the pub.

"Didn't you know?" Jake lashed out his tail under the table and tripped both gangsters over. "It's how we celebrate Rauck Chauv!"

"An Anthrozil?" Marion sputtered. He turned to his partner. "Stay with our favorite barkeep. I'll deal with the kid."

"You got it." Hinges latched on to the dwarf and kabered him across the room, landing on the belly of an ogre.

The rougher man kept himself in front of Jake. "I've always thought dragons were just legends. But you? You're a myth." He pulled out brass knuckles from his pocket and grabbed him around the body, jabbing him unpartisan-like at his spine.

Jake winced, but managed to utter between gasps, "Then get ready to be beaten up by a myth." His wings materialized in blue flame and slapped Marion off. He fully transformed and lunged at the gangster.

Kim popped her head out of the room. "What's going on?" she rhetorically asked. The head barkeep lifted up hinges and threw him across the room over her.

A fussy hand clamped on to her shoulder. "Come back, Kim. We haven't even started."

"No time." She pushed him aside. "Jake's in trouble." The teen heroine leapt and judo-ed the taller gangster.

Hinges drew out a simple stick and aimed it for Kim.

"That's a weapon?" she almost chuckled. She wasn't prepared for the point where the stick transformed into a long black halberd.

"It is now." He swung the slaying weapon at her, first at her legs and then over her. She dodged both swings and kicked him in the gut, making the gangster let go of the enchanted ax. Testing Ivy's gift, Kim fired the specialized taser gun onto the weapon; causing the green slime to dissolve the weapon into a puddle of goo on the floor.

Rich bobbed his head from the doorway and adjusted his specs, spotting Jake the dragon doing the capoeira with his punch-happy friend who ordered the little squirt to stand still. He can't believe it; the boy was foolish enough to expose his scaled alter ego in public. Running around the blind blows of the minotaur and the ham bludgeoning from the green ogres, he took his notepad from the counter and quickly drew the whole thing.

"Ooh, you're feisty." Marion complimented as he wiped the blood from his mouth, an arm shielded against the Anthrozil. With his free hand, he drew two capsules from his pocket. "Perhaps we should even the odds and make this fight quicker, with us as the victor."

"Aura drops." Jake whispered.

Marion smiled. "I see you're familiar with the latest in Izzet technology, kid. With these, even one without a sense for magic can slap the Pillory on his enemies." He readied his throwing arm. "Nighty-night, dragon."

"Heads up!" cried the elf, which flew and creamed the poison cake at the gangster's face. The capsules flew in the air and landed each on a goblin and a minotaur, unleashing spectral stocks that clamped their heads and arms in place.

Marion, on the other hand, was stunned for a few seconds. Thankfully, his gritting teeth kept most of the vile dessert from sliding beyond his throat. He didn't expect his adversary though, to give him a suplex and uppercut him with his clenched talons.

Jake let out mystical blue flame as he turned back to his human self, dusting off his palms with satisfaction. "Looks like you needed it more, gramps."

Hinges rose up from the floor. "Mar, these kids are too powerful."

He smeared the cake off his face "This calls for a hasty retreat." He pulled his partner up and headed for the exit, but not before facing the bar. "We'll come back for the money some other time, Verne!" He warned before being slapped by another cake. He left after blowing it off.

Kim walked over to Jake, who rested a fist on the ground while rubbing his back with the other. "You're not hurt, are you?"

He tried to smile through the pain. "Nah. The adrenaline covered that in the brawl."

"Didn't you see, knights?" Rich was heard pointing at the hair-dyed anthrozil. "He turned into a dragon. I had proof." He flashed his sketch towards the three Azorius troopers, who calmed down when the gangsters fled.

Maxi shook his head. "Ooh, sorry sir. We were caught up in the moment."

"I never had this much fun since I was a civilian."

Gal stared at the notepad. "That is a pretty picture though, sir."

The artist looked at his photo realistic drawing and directed his glare back at them. "That's not the point. He transformed into a dragon."

"Technically, he is still human." Maxi pointed out.

Gal sniffed Jake around, which greatly disturbed him. "Plus, he does not seem to be making sulfuric emissions."

Rich opened his mouth. "But…"

"Sir, you have been working too hard." Gal placed a hand on the artist's shoulder. "Maybe it would be best that we turned in for the night."

Not wanting to completely lose face, the guild director neared Jake and whispered to his face. "You're lucky, dragon boy" Rich poked his nose with a threatening finger. "You're lucky that Kim is with you. That, and my cohorts are complete idiots."

He looked back to his party. "What are you guys staring at? Let's move out." The knights did as they were told and existed through the doorway.

He stayed for a few more seconds. "It is a shame that our session was cut short, Kim." He kissed her hand. "But we must be away. Adieu."

"You don't have to be that formal anymore." She said.

"Think of it as an obligation." Rich smiled. He then left to follow the knights.

She began to ponder. "Just…who were those two guys?"

The dwarf barkeep jumped up the counter. "They're part of the "protection racket" from the Orzhov Syndicate, Missy. They've been doing the rounds in the Yanko district for quite some time now."

"No one's brave enough to face them. They belong to a rich and influential family. You mess with the Orzhov, and you go to jail. Worse, they win the case and you'll owe them money instead."

"Good thing I came in the right time, then?" she wrapped her arms.

The barkeep looked at the teen heroine, full of doubt. "You're not thinking of charging me for help, are you?"

She stared at him, already getting used to his stature. "What? No. What matters is that you need help, and I'm always ready to lend a hand."

"If you're willing to put your life in danger to save my pub, I'm not stopping you Missy. This place means so much to me."

"And I'll be with you every step in the way, Kim." Jake stood beside her. "I've made a promise to Feather. Heck, I made a promise to the Legion." He beat his chest with a fist. "If you're gonna face the Syndicate, at least let me have the honor of fighting for you."

Verne shook his head. "Oh no, you're not."

"Huh?" the anthrozil quickly looked at his employer. "But I'm with her."

"I know you are. But your shift isn't over yet, Long." "Get sweeping or no zinos for you!"

"Ho' yeah." He gave a nervous laugh. "Aw, man."

"Hey, it's okay." She placed a hand on his shoulder. "I can wait, Jake."

* * *

**Ravnica Glossary ('coz you're gonna need it) **

**Orzhov Syndicate** – Formerly a church that devoted itself to the worship of a nondescript god, the syndicate was given responsibility to Ravnica's economical system during the signing of the first Guildpact. Somewhere along its history, it has forgotten its initial intentions and began to value materialism over its spiritual ideals; thus using its influence over society to maintain a sense of control over its stakeholders at the same time keeping its masses in the dark through the magic of religion. Despite all their blatant notoriety, the Syndicate values the concept of a family-like hierarchy; the idea of the haves and the have-nots. The famiglia is home to a number of humans, spirits, their pet bats and their thrull lackeys; most of which serve those higher up the ladder. **The Ghost Council** that leads them is made up of a group of long dead elders kept alive through necromancy.


End file.
